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Think my neighbour died... but not sure, what do I do?!

(104 Posts)
FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:09:54

My neighbour was taken away in an ambulance, (there were 2), blue lights, etc last week. His daughters appeared almost straight away from the opposite end of the country, and I’ve not seen his wife leave the house since. His daughters are still here too.

Although we’re on good terms, bring each other presents from holidays and exchange Easter eggs etc. we’re not in and out of each others houses. Just wondering what I can do... clearly he’s either really ill (he looked unconscious) or he has died and I don’t want her to think we don’t care.

I was thinking maybe buying her a platter of meats etc, and just sticking a card through saying to give us a shout if she needs anything?


I don’t want to doorstep her, I already went over an hour after the ambulances left and she didn’t reply. We’re quite remote and the only houses in our street, so
Nobody to ask.

AsAProfessionalFekko Mon 23-Apr-18 19:11:23

If pop a note through the door

UrsulaPandress Mon 23-Apr-18 19:13:11

Knock on the door.


No answer. Drop a note through.

OdileDeCaray Mon 23-Apr-18 19:13:17

I'd Knock with some flowers and probably the daughter will answe and you can say that you haven't seen their mother for a few days and saw the ambulance taking father away and offer to help if they need anything if father is in hospital and offer condolences if he has died.

Seems uncaring if you don't knock.

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 23-Apr-18 19:14:05

I would say as a week has passed and the daughters are still around you will have more chance of them answering the door now. I would knock me ask after him and if there is anything they need/you can do. I think being on present buying terms with your neighbours is quite close and I think it would be very impersonal if not a bit rude to just pop a card through.

SlowlyShrinking Mon 23-Apr-18 19:14:30

Yes a note through the door to say if they need anything to let you know. Why a platter of meats though? Is that a thing?

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:17:33

Because they are obsessed with Spanish food! And it’s not a massive thing, what if I’ve got it wrong?!

HollowTalk Mon 23-Apr-18 19:19:32

I wouldn't take anything yet. I'd go and knock and say that you were worried when you saw the ambulance. You'll know straightaway if it's really bad news. It would be a lovely thing to do and the longer you leave it, the more awkward it would be.

AgentHannahWells Mon 23-Apr-18 19:19:45

Sorry but NO to the meat platter. That's a bit odd. I would go round and ask what's been happening and can you help. Hope it's not what you think. Xx

DairyisClosed Mon 23-Apr-18 19:20:01

A polite thinking if you card is the best option I think. If it were my husband/father I don't think I could face neighbours until more time had passed.

Crispbutty Mon 23-Apr-18 19:21:43

I would say if you were on good enough terms to exchange gifts, then it would be absolutely fine to knock and ask how things are, and offer any help if you are able to.

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:23:51

It’s meat chorizo olives mancheg.... not like a leg of pork or summat!

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:24:33

Yeah you’re right I’ll go across.

I’m really private and wouldn’t be answering if it were me, so
Probably some projection going on ...

SlowlyShrinking Mon 23-Apr-18 19:27:57

It’s such an awkward situation but I think most people would just appreciate knowing that you’re thinking about them and not be too bothered about the details of how you show that

ButchyRestingFace Mon 23-Apr-18 19:31:03

A meat platter, though lovely, well, doesn't it have a bit of a celebratory note to it?

Or is that just me? blush

Flicketyflack Mon 23-Apr-18 19:31:22

Same happened to me with my next door neighbour. Knock on the door smile

Pigleteer Mon 23-Apr-18 19:31:29

A meat platter?!

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:32:56

Haha yeah I know! So wine, no, flowers, bit of a minefield, ...

Last time he was taken in I made her a lemon drizzle cake ) true
mN style!)

Just feel awks

greenlanes Mon 23-Apr-18 19:37:15

The other pps are spot on. A polite knock on the door or a note. You clearly got on with him so the family will appreciate your concern.

64BooLane Mon 23-Apr-18 19:38:14

It is really nice of you to care. The meat platter is making me laugh a bit because it sounds a bit like a minor plot point in a suburban sitcom, but I see how you meant it and it's a kind thought grin

Good luck approaching them, whatever you do.

BlankTimes Mon 23-Apr-18 19:39:42

Why don't you wait for them to let you know?

I've been in their position and the intrusion was not at all welcome.

Slartybartfast Mon 23-Apr-18 19:39:44

but you went before, with a cake - he was taken away last week. either they need to tell you or you need to ask, it would show you care

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 23-Apr-18 19:40:11

Yes, i can see that, I do wonder if anybody was wandering across to offer condolences with a cheese n pineapple hedgehog in the 70s...

LookMoreCloselier Mon 23-Apr-18 19:40:22

If it was a week ago can you check the death announcements online for your local news/area? Would usually be published after about a week.

EnidButton Mon 23-Apr-18 19:41:23

A meat platter is a bit 'everyone bring something to the birthday buffet'. I can see your thinking though.

Just knock and see if they need anything and let them know you're around.

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