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I regret having my son

(132 Posts)
NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:11:37

No it’s not PND, I just hate being a parent.
He’s 13 months old and he’s such hard work. He’s been a horrific sleeper for most of the last year and he’s not quite so bad now but still not great and we desperately desperately desperately some consistently good sleep.

The tantrums have started already, I didn’t realise it would be so soon, but lately he’s started screaming at the top of his lungs at every tiny frustration. Won’t play independently at all and demanding our constant attention all day long.

My life is shit, I have no time for myself, no time for my husband, our once good relationship is non existent, we are coexisting and arguing about our son. We have very little help, and I don’t feel that it’s fair to ask people to look after him frankly, he’s such a pain in the arse.

I went back to work (part time) because I was sick of looking after him all week long, but work is stressful and I am stuck between a rock and a hard place never getting any fucking rest, I’m either working or looking after him, it’s relentless.

I had an evening out at the weekend, left him at home with DH, didn’t want to go home.

WHY DID I HAVE HIM? I was such an idiot, so naive and clueless.

None of this is his fault, well he is very stubborn and strong willed but so are we so what did we expect. He didn’t ask to be born, he deserves good parents and a decent life, so on top of the resentment I feel horribly guilty.

Sorry for epic pointless rant. Don’t even know why I’m posting, don’t want suggestions as I feel as if I’ve tried everything, I just don’t want to try any more.

CarpetMothsFuckOff Mon 23-Apr-18 07:15:24

flowers for you, sounds very hard.

Take his sleep first, as being tired makes everything a million times harder. Have you sleep trained?

GlitteryFluff Mon 23-Apr-18 07:16:30

Someone will be along in a mo with better advice than me but I wanted to say that it's fucking hard sometimes. It really is. But it's just a phase, it will pass, it won't be forever. thanks

Summertime45 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:19:22

Sorry to hear that.

I guess the best thing is actually to go and work full time and get someone to look after him.

The first 3 years are hard but it does get better; unfortunately your son picks up on your feeling and this doesn't help.

Get help if you can with him as the current situation does not benefit anybody

NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:19:41

Yes waste of fucking time and energy

We took it in turns to stay awake (half the night each) for weeks and weeks. Improved things a bit but went to shit again every time he got ill (which is all the fucking time) and still not great

We were on one waking and then awake at 6am which I could deal with but it’s crept forward to 5.10am for the last two days in a row, would be fine if he went back to sleep but he doesn’t or at least not for ages by which point I can’t get back to sleep

I can’t deal with waking at 5am then shit naps and tantrums all day

I just can’t.

AJPTaylor Mon 23-Apr-18 07:19:47

Can you put him into childcare for a day when you are not working?

Babynonamee Mon 23-Apr-18 07:19:57

Sleep solves so many problems. Can you try and sleep Train? Use cry it out? Be tough and don't give in to his demands when he winges for things. Ignore his bad behaviour. It's so tough when you feel like this.

I'm sure it's just a phase. Has he started walking yet? That opens up a world for him to explore and he won't be so frustrated

annandale Mon 23-Apr-18 07:20:20

Sounds absolutely shit. Not surprising you want your life back. I have no doubt things will get better but all I can say is, we feel you. Don't worry about asking others, especially those who are getting regular sleep. With a kid like this it takes a fucking village.

NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:21:06

SOrry some cross posts there. I was replying to the first reply obviously.

Maybe I should find a full time job but it would make me more exhausted not less so.

I do actually enjoy spending time with my son when he’s not being a twat. Which isn’t very often lately.

Phase84 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:22:00

I agree. What are your dc sleeping arrangements like. What are his sleep habits. brew

Mybabystolemysanity Mon 23-Apr-18 07:22:08

Try and find one tiny piece of joy in him every day. I'm finding my 16 month old hard, and she's an easy kid and a brilliant sleeper. 9 to 14 months was miserable. Slowly she is developing into a tiny person and not just a monster. Give yourself permission to not enjoy every minute and make sure your DH is sharing the load day and night. The baby needs parenting regardless of who works longer hours /earns more. Keep talking here also. I'd not be surviving without knowing I'm not alone.

NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:23:14

Thanks everyone

Maybellissimo Mon 23-Apr-18 07:24:10

I have 2 dc’s a ds 8 and a dd 3. It does get easier. I hated the baby stage, in fact it wasn’t until my ds turned 4 that we turned a corner and he actually became nice to be around. There were times after dd was born and actually even now when I just want to run with the sheer relentlessness of it all. You are not alone. It’s the single most difficult thing in the world being a parent, but this stage will pass and it will get easier.

SoupDragon Mon 23-Apr-18 07:24:16

What sleep training method did you use? I suspect most of the problem stems fro this - you’re tired and crabby, he’s tired and crabby... not a great mix!

DS2 was a challenging child but at least he bloody slept!

OdileDeCaray Mon 23-Apr-18 07:26:54

What exactly is the sleep problem? Where does he sleep? What do you do to try and get him to sleep?

Perhaps knowing exactly what is going on in your home might prompt others to give advice or tips.

Personally, I never had any sleep problems but mine were in bed with me, which I know not everyone wants to do but if your sleep problems are that bad then it might be worth a try if he isn't in bed with you already.

Ratbagratty Mon 23-Apr-18 07:27:46

Can he toddler on his own yet? I ask because at about that age my dd was like yours, but about a month later she started walking independently and become a different child. Slept better (not all the way though), ate better and less frustrated.

Jasquers Mon 23-Apr-18 07:27:57

I think sleep...or lack of....is the issue for you all here. His behaviour is bound to be affected by not getting enough sleep too. So I agree with PP that you need to think about sleep training him. Also, when he starts walking you may find he is less frustrated and this will help him sleep better because he will be so much more tired. My DS is 16 months old and is much less frustrated with life now he can walk and explore things for himself. He's been a good sleeper since he was 11 months old but since he started walking he sleeps 12-13 hours straight at night. You need to tire him out. Boys are like Duracell bunnies! Hope things get better for you soon. Hugs

CarpetMothsFuckOff Mon 23-Apr-18 07:31:09

What sleep training method did you use and how long did you do it for? Where does he currently sleep and how does he get to sleep?

CarpetMothsFuckOff Mon 23-Apr-18 07:31:43

Boys are like Duracell bunnies!

So are girls. It's just toddlers for you.

NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:32:18

Tried gentle methods for ages and eventually had to get stricter, probably should have got stricter sooner (did I mention I’m stubborn) just couldn’t/can’t bear the screaming but we had to do it anyway and it still didn’t work.

Went from cosleeping and feeding to sleep to him falling asleep in his cot with us sitting next to him. Started with lots of rocking/holding and then did PUPD and eventually had to just stop picking him up and let him scream. Fun times.

He will sleep in his cot all night now, and will usually settle when he wakes without us picking him or feeding, the problem is that when he wakes from 5am onwards he won’t go back to sleep without a feed.

Also if he’s ill I can’t leave him to cry while he has a fever or is in pain etc so it goes out the window and then we have to start all over again when he’s better.

CognitiveDissonance Mon 23-Apr-18 07:32:38

It gets better. I promise. I was (occasionally still am) a knackered single parent and I used to hate it when people said that to me but all of a sudden, one day it did

flowers

NameChange30 Mon 23-Apr-18 07:34:34

“Can he toddler on his own yet? I ask because at about that age my dd was like yours, but about a month later she started walking independently and become a different child. Slept better (not all the way though), ate better and less frustrated.”

Fuck me i really hope DS will be the same. He is not quite walking independently yet, cruising and wanting to walk with help ALL THE TIME. I think he is nearly there and if that could miraculously improve his sleeping and eating soon I would cry with relief.

wakemeupbefore Mon 23-Apr-18 07:35:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

toolazytothinkofausername Mon 23-Apr-18 07:35:48

I only loved my children when DS1 turned 6 years old and DS2 turned 4 years old.
I hated the baby stage. I hated the toddler stage. I hated the whiny 3 year old stage.
My children are now 7 years old and 5 years old and I love them dearly. I am glad I had them.
I hope the same happens to you smile

tomhazard Mon 23-Apr-18 07:36:38

Sorry to hear but 13 months is not a rewarding age for most children. Mine were a PITA at this age and I looked forward to them being a bit more reasonable but they are almost 3 and 5 now and they are awesome for the most part.

You will feel an awful lot better with some sleep - sleep deprivation makes you think and say things you don't mean. If you haven't already then sleep train your son - it is short term pain for long term gain and everyone including him will feel better.

In the mean time, this sounds a bit weird but sometimes you have to make your mentality about tiredness a bit different. You have to stop thinking about how tired you are, shower and put on your make up and a fake smile and literally don't think about being tired. Yes, you are tired but the less you write/talk/think about it and think instead that you won't be tired forever the better.

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