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Would you have a child for a close family member/friend?

(115 Posts)
Mamabear1475 Sun 22-Apr-18 11:13:31

I have offered for a family member. I'm just curious as to how many people would do this. Family are very surpised that I would do it.
Obviously because cannot conceive children naturally themselves

Mamabear1475 Sun 22-Apr-18 11:13:54

*they cannot

allyouneedis Sun 22-Apr-18 11:21:42

I would but only using their own or donor eggs. Couldn’t do it if it was my own eggs.
Hope it all goes well for you.

Lanie233 Sun 22-Apr-18 11:23:05

I would love to be a surrogate for somebody as I'm 100% sure I don't want children and there is not one maternal bone in my entire soul (I'm 34 and a massive introvert). So I feel a little guilty or that my womb is wasted on me. Having said that I've never actually been pregnant and those kinds of hormones have never been released in my body before so my main worry would be that my reaction to the above is unknown. What if I feel the baby kick and my whole personality does a total 180? What if any motherly love is somehow formed? I still doubt very strongly it would but I don't think I'm brave enough to take the jump. Plus I'm an only child and it'd be hard for my parents to see me pregnant and know they can't get excited (although even if I did it using my own DNA is out of the question, strictly the oven only).

But good for you if you're sure you can handle it, it's an absolutely amazing thing to do for someone. Good luck xx

tryingtocatchthewind Sun 22-Apr-18 11:24:49

Yes I would, my best friend had cancer and huge troubles conceiving so I did offer. She managed to get pregnant on third IVF. I’m not sure I could with my own egg though

TheHulksPurplePants Sun 22-Apr-18 11:25:37

I've promised my brother my eggs, but I've told him I won't carry it. First off, both mine were premature and I had morning sickness till 24 weeks, so physically I'm not sure I could do it. Emotionally, I can distance myself from an egg (enough to think of them as niece or nephew and not MINE), not from a child I carried.

Thursdaydreaming Sun 22-Apr-18 11:29:34

Nope, I wouldn't. Pregnancy and birth is so terrible and risky IMO. I don't love anyone that much to do it for them, even my sister - and she def wouldn't do it for me.

I would maybe consider donating eggs.

But if you are brave enough, go for it. What a wonderful gift you'd be giving them.

Mamabear1475 Sun 22-Apr-18 11:46:34

It will be their eggs. I couldn't conceive a baby knowing it was part of me

kaytee87 Sun 22-Apr-18 11:51:14

No, I used to think I would until I had my own child. Pregnancy and childbirth were both horrible for me and changed me irreversibly.

Princessgenie Sun 22-Apr-18 11:52:39

It’s a lovely lovely thing to do for someone but Please make sure you get some legal advice too. I am sure that if you give birth that the baby is ‘yours’ and that parental rights will need to be reassigned etc and the right details on the birth certificate etc. It can be a very complex situation.

NotAnotherJaffaCake Sun 22-Apr-18 11:53:56

No. I don’t think it’s in the best interests of the baby to be separated from their birth mother for this reason. We spend so much time campaigning to keep mothers and babies together, it seems wrong to just hand them over for surrogacy.

willowblues Sun 22-Apr-18 12:03:48

No, it would be asking too much for me to go through pregnancy and childbirth (I'd need a caesarean) just to hand the baby over. Too risky and it would be unfair on my own dc to go through anything that risks my own life, for something that doesn't benefit me or them. I'm probably too old now anyway (late 30s).

ivenoideawhatimdoing Sun 22-Apr-18 12:05:35

No 1000x

OP, it's absolutely admirable that you are doing such a selfless act but it's not for me.

Too many possible side affects or things to go wrong.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Sun 22-Apr-18 12:06:35

If not my eggs the only (only!!!) person I would have considered this for would have been my sister had she had trouble conceiving. I also would only do it if she didn’t have 1 child, struggling to conceive a second or third etc I wouldn’t help there.

Shutupanddance1 Sun 22-Apr-18 12:08:02

Nope - for purely selfish reasons of that the body takes a huge physical toll while pregnant. Prolapse etc, you wouldn’t know what will happen at the birth, nobody is guaranteed that their plans will be adhered to.

SneakyGremlins Sun 22-Apr-18 12:08:17

I mean imale but I'd donate sperm should my brothers be unable to.

Annabelle4 Sun 22-Apr-18 12:09:49

No.

PatchworkElmer Sun 22-Apr-18 12:15:53

No I wouldn’t- I had an HG pregnancy, and we’ve decided that DS will be an only child as a result. I just can’t face the thought of pregnancy again, for myself or anyone else.

BrieAndChilli Sun 22-Apr-18 12:30:19

I couldn’t do it.
I’m adopted and never had a true bond with my adoptive mother. Not sure if that’s a bond a person can k ly really have with thier biological mother or not but I wouldn’t wish it on any child.
Plus since having my own kids I really understand the blood is thicker than water thing and know I could not carry a child or donate eggs knowing they wouldn’t be mine to bring up.
I admit I have complex emotional issues regarding family and blood ties and someone who grew up secure in a loving family might not have such issues

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 22-Apr-18 13:12:30

They would have to be SO CLOSE to me. I would do it if it were their DNA but I really hate being pregnant. There are very few people I would throw up 3 times a day for. If I had lovely, easy pregnancies I wouldn’t have to think too hard about it.

LookImAHooman Sun 22-Apr-18 13:20:24

I would happily (and have offered, if if comes to it) be a host surrogate (ie using their/donor eggs) for close friends. I’m done having my kids and DH is on board. Highly unlikely to ever come to anything, though, and ofc I hope for their sakes it never has to! I take my hat off to those who are more altruistic; I couldn’t emotionally do straight surrogacy.

user1483387154 Sun 22-Apr-18 13:26:18

No because I wouldn't be able to give the baby away to them. It would emotionally break me.

namechangedtoday15 Sun 22-Apr-18 13:34:15

I offered my eggs for my sister (and went through all the tests at a fertility clinic) - would've been her husband's child via IVF. It didn't come to it, but I would have carried a baby for her too - think that would've had to have been her egg & her husband's sperm.

We were one step away from the donor egg route when she got pregnant without my eggs, but I know clinics (well, certainly that one) have a counselling service for anyone considering this.

Flutist Sun 22-Apr-18 13:34:28

Pregnancy took such a toll on me, and there are risks of permanent injury or (rarely) death. I wouldn't go through it again for a child that isn't even mine, and it wouldn't be fair to my DC to risk my health or my life.

Elflocks Sun 22-Apr-18 13:35:18

No, because I couldn't know how the resulting baby (and one day full grown adult) would feel about it.

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