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Jobs that are not real jobs but they should be

(120 Posts)
MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 20:33:23

Seat sorter...someone whose responsible for sorting out people who can’t work out the seat numbering systems on trains and planes
Window peeker ...someone who is allowed to look through the windows of warm cosy looking houses on winter nights. They could give feedback on whether the reality matched up to how it looked from afar
Food taster.. someone who I can pay to walk around the restaurant and look at and taste other diners food and report back to me so I know exactly what to order
What else?

plum100 Tue 17-Apr-18 20:35:07

Stroker- I always say when I win the lottery I will employ someone to stroke my arms and feet .

goose1964 Tue 17-Apr-18 20:35:10

Bin putter outer.

plum100 Tue 17-Apr-18 20:35:52

Gone off milk smeller smile

TheFaerieQueene Tue 17-Apr-18 20:36:09

Money spender. For every £100 printed by the Bank of England, I will spend £1 to check it works properly.

MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 20:38:12

Gone off milk smeller! Yep I’d definitely employ one but could never BE one!
Got another.....public toilet checker. I think it’s self explanatory

AliceLutherNeeMorgan Tue 17-Apr-18 20:44:49

Parking logisticiser.

On a domestic level the job would involve getting all cars safely onto the driveway without scraping them on the hedge. More commercially, they would direct traffic in and out and around superstore car parks to avoid gridlock. I think this would be a well paid job as it would require a broad range of core skills...

LoveProsecco Tue 17-Apr-18 20:46:26

smile great thread!

Dog cuddler

Baby cuddler

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 17-Apr-18 20:55:04

A baby animal nursery nurse. Imagine all the cutesy little babies.
You'd never want to go home.grin

UmmKultum Tue 17-Apr-18 21:00:42

Softplay nappy assessor who jumps into action as soon as a suspicious smell wafts his/her way to locate the responsible child and bring to parent for nappy change

RatOnnaStick Tue 17-Apr-18 21:03:15

Shopping putter-awayer. Mine can take half a day sometimes to reach the right cupboard. Even the effort of doing freezer and fridge stuff hurts sometimes when I'm tired and hungry.

JustHereForThePooStories Tue 17-Apr-18 21:05:32

Better Trolley Administrator

When you’re in the queue to pay and spot a trolley packed with amazing stuff you didn’t see on the way round, the Better Trolley Administrator will leave the queue, find the items for you, and place them in your trolley so you don’t miss your turn.

cakesonatrain Tue 17-Apr-18 21:07:53

When I was a post-grad student I frequently suggested we employ a tea lady who was also a statistician. As she rattled her trolley along the corridor she would offer assistance with everyone's stats problems.
Sadly there was no budget for such a bringer of joy 😥

MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 21:09:44

Shoe breaker inner
Cold nose warmer

OdileDeCaray Tue 17-Apr-18 21:10:46

Spider catcher and destroyer.

Dial 888 (spiders have eight legs) and a very nice man will arrive to catch spider and immediately remove from your premises and put it down a funnel attached to a massive barrel on the back of his van that acts as a spider incinerator.

MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 21:12:39

O another one..... Fruit and Veg Optimum Purchase Point Identifier....they will instinctively know which veg and fruit you should pick based on your personal preferences, work/ life balance , unexpected menu changes etc.

Cupoteap Tue 17-Apr-18 21:13:04

A sleep optimiser - changes the bed before you even realise you want to go to bed, choosing the best pillows and duvet/blanket/sheet combo for the night ahead

IndianaMoleWoman Tue 17-Apr-18 21:18:00

Unwanted multipack rehomer - you register for their service and they take the rubbish ones out of crisp multipacks, boxes of chocolate, selection boxes, biscuit barrels etc. and redistribute then to someone who actually likes them, bringing the nice ones to you in return. So, for example, the unwanted multipack rehomer could come to my house right now and collect cheese and onion crisps, plain digestive biscuits and an entire tub of disgusting Quality Street and replace them with actual edible alternatives.

MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 21:19:20

Indiana reckon if you could design an app for that you’d be raking it in

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Tue 17-Apr-18 21:19:38

Parking space saver. When you go to work, they park the spot you want to keep - when you get back from work, they drive off.

Please note, this service is only available to me, not to my neighbour or any of their family.

MrsGrindah Tue 17-Apr-18 21:20:14

I’m thinking of setting up an employment agency on the back of this.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Tue 17-Apr-18 21:21:46

Laundry hanger upper and put awayer. (The official title may need tweaking)

RatOnnaStick Tue 17-Apr-18 21:22:37

My son would like a banana man, like a milkman but delivers one fresh green banana for his schoolbag each morning.

IndianaMoleWoman Tue 17-Apr-18 21:23:01

Also “things you forgot” van driver, like an ice cream van but will pop back to the supermarket and pick up that one crucial thing you forgot to buy and deliver it to your door.

claraschu Tue 17-Apr-18 21:28:47

You can now hire people to wait in line for you. I heard about this in NYC- you can get someone to stand in line for hours to buy theatre tickets at the last minute for you.

Cat pill giver- that's one I could actually do! I can give pills to any cat, with no trouble, no bloodletting and no distress to the cat. It's my one special talent.

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