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Finally leaving abusive husband.. Help me hold it together

(202 Posts)
ChickenOrEgg6 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:15:38

We depart in a day and a half.
I'm packing now. Had to wait for him to leave and got confirmation he got on his plane (work trip).
Im so scared, shaking as I type this.
Terrified I'll mess it all up, Or he will somehow find out.
I almost don't want to do it I'm so scared but I know I have to.
I have to kick my arse into gear.. Backstory (have posted before but mostly in chat and 30 days).
He's abusive, horribly so. Financially, emotionally and physically. We live overseas (the UK is my home country) we have 2 children, one of which is a small baby.
I have had to skirt around so much to get to this point. So many secrets and lies so he wouldn't find out, its been exhausting. There are legal difficulties with getting out of the country, I may or may not be stopped (but know what to do on advice of my solicitor, UK based, if I am stopped). I have some money (circa £7000) but the amount of support I can access in the UK (housing, benefits) is limited and women's aid/social services can't confirm or deny what help I can get on that front until I can arrive and be assessed which is scary. Everything's up in the air and I have less than 2 days until we're (hopefully) boarding a plane.
Fuck.
I'm scared. I want him to hold me but I also want him to go and die somewhere. I'm a horrible person. I have to do this.
Handholds, please?

SuperLoudPoppingAction Tue 17-Apr-18 19:20:18

I promise it gets better.

SuperLoudPoppingAction Tue 17-Apr-18 19:21:15

Also you're not a horrible person. I hope you get the headspace soon to remember all the things about you that are brilliant

Bloodybridget Tue 17-Apr-18 19:24:15

Good luck, whatever happens when you get to the UK you are doing the right thing now. I can imagine how frightening it is. But think if you had to stay with him until one of you dies? And the impact on your children? Wishing you everything good and a much better future.

CoffeebyIV Tue 17-Apr-18 19:25:17

Didn’t want to read and run but good luck you can do this!

Troels Tue 17-Apr-18 19:25:41

Stay strong Chicken, you can do this.

AbbieLexie Tue 17-Apr-18 19:25:48

flowers flowers

Sugarpiehoneyeye Tue 17-Apr-18 19:28:54

Sending you love and strength OP, you can do this. You'll be on home ground soon Sweet.

MallorieArcher Tue 17-Apr-18 19:31:12

Good for you, you are putting your kids and yourself in a safer place, you are very brave and strong to have got all this read and in place.
You can do this! flowers

Helpnow1 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:33:12

Well done, you're brilliant.

Good luck for a lovely future to you and your children x

MrKaplansGlasses Tue 17-Apr-18 19:35:02

Good luck. I hope it all goes smoothly, you're doing the right thing for your children. Take the strength of hundreds of mnetters who are behind you.

ajandjjmum Tue 17-Apr-18 19:35:27

You are doing the right thing for the future of yourself and your DC.

Do you have plans for when you arrive in the UK?

ChickenOrEgg6 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:39:23

Thank you everybody flowers
ajandjjmum
I have a cheap hotel booked for 10 days, its near ish to the airport. I'll stay there while contacting women's aid and social services and anybody else they can put me in touch with. Hopefully then they can advise next steps. I don't really have anyone left in the UK (I'm British, born In the UK and a citizen) so I can settle anywhere really but I'd rather not hang around London too long (cost mainly) much less set up a rental and get a job there, if I can help it.

JoanofNarc Tue 17-Apr-18 19:48:37

Wow OP. Do you have family or friends here? How long is it since you lived here?

Lisette40 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:50:33

Wishing you all the best for your new life. Well done.

CocoaGin Tue 17-Apr-18 19:51:07

You can do this flowers.

ChickenOrEgg6 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:52:05

JoanofNarc
"Only" 5 years.
But I'm nc with my dad (and have been for over a decade) and his side of the family, my mum was nc with her family for good reason and is now unfortunately dead.
The only "friends" I ever really had were high school rebels who quickly all dispersed in their own directions when we left school and I met my now husband (and his game was isolation 101 so I never really made any or kept up with old friends).
It sounds like I've been gone longer than I have but in reality I just never really had anyone there.

RandomMess Tue 17-Apr-18 19:55:46

I know you from your previous threads, you CAN do this, you and your DC will be so much better off with him thanksthanksthanksthanksthanksthanks

Notamorningperson84 Tue 17-Apr-18 19:57:09

I think it's 3 months you need to be living back here before you can claim any kind of benefits. Though 7k could keep you 4-6 months in the North. We're in the North East and our rent and bills (Inc food) for two adults comes to around 1100. That's not including personal spends.

Well done on leaving, you're really brave.

Stay strong flowers

JoanofNarc Tue 17-Apr-18 19:57:55

I expect you have seen this, but here's some information on benefits www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/coming-from-abroad-and-claiming-benefits-the-habitual-residence-test/british-and-irish-citizens-claiming-benefits/..

aliceinwonderlandbrum Tue 17-Apr-18 20:01:22

Just wanted to say well done and good luck OP ill be thinking of you and your children 💐

JoanofNarc Tue 17-Apr-18 20:05:30

Best of luck OP. I hope this is the beginning of a new and happy life for you.

SantanicoPandemonium Tue 17-Apr-18 20:05:53

I don’t have any advice, but many years ago I was in your children’s position. We did a flit in the early hours of the morning with a couple of school bags full of stuff and hid at a taxi office until the first train out of the city we lived in.

It was the best thing my mother could have done for us, and it’s the best thing you can do for yours flowers

yawning801 Tue 17-Apr-18 20:06:26

You can do it OP. When you're sinking into your hotel bed, free from that arsehole, you'll know that it's all worth it.

0hCrepe Tue 17-Apr-18 20:09:14

Well done you’re almost there!

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