I was on the bus in Edinburgh, some years ago. A v respectable prim daddy got on with his 3 year old (patent shoes, little velvet coat, butter wouldn’t melt, etc) Little girl, annoyed that they can’t sit at the front, said “Bum”. Daddy, horrified: “We do NOT say bum! Bum is a sweary word!” Little girl: “ Bum is not a sweary word” There was a short, significant pause before she added, helpfully: “Fuck is a sweary word!” I had silent hysterics as the daddy put his head in his hands...
A child and his mum sat in front of me at the cinema, they had obviously been having a conversation just before because after the found their seats the boy aged approximately 5 said to his mum "but why is it unacceptable to say motherfucker?" At which point my 11 year old blurted out "mam that boy just said motherfucker!" At which point everyone in the cinema was staring at me and the other mum while we both hissed at our children to shut up!
My boyfriend told me last year that when a car cut him up on a roundabout out 3 year old son who was in the back at the time shouted “What a fucking idiot!” (Bad parent awards for us I think 🙈)
And a few weeks ago at the park I was talking to some other mums when my son started urgently tugging my arm saying he needed me. I thought he needed the toilet so gave him my immediate attention only for him to say, in front of the other mums “I just really need to know who would win in a fight between a goat and a badger.”
In loo in changing room at fancy Spa overhearing two posh lasses outside
“Livvy, I just didn’t expect it to fall off while we were shagging”
“Hmm, well he’s not really from round here”
I was AGOG and still have no idea WHAT fell off ! Various theories have been concocted - a Prince Albert? A condom? Some sort of sex toy he didn’t know how to use as he wasn’t ‘from round here’ - and what did that mean?
The mind boggles at the 'fell off while shagging'. Does anyone know oof any reigional sex accessories which may be difficult to apply/insert/wear?
The living staue one reminds me of a day trip out to a popular tourist city. I was waiting outside a shop with DS in his pram (the shop wasn't pram friendly) next to a living statue on a bike. A hen party were getting their pictures taken pretending to shove a large vibrator up his backside (poor form in the middle of the day when you're surrounded by sober people/families etc IMO, but there you go), when he bloke let out a GIGANTIC fart right in her face
Not over heard but funny all the same. but my mum was a TA and this little boy asked her how old she was. My mum replied I'm 16, anyway. A look of horror came over his face and he said. "ARe you nearly at the end of the numbers".
kaytee I'd love to hear from the lady who was in the toilet cubicle in Leeds nect to DM a couple of years back. She has IBS, and mid way through her meal realised she was having an attack. She dashed to the loos, which were mercifully empty, but somebody came in half way through what she described as an epic symphony of farts. She was so embarassed, she waited until the other lady was weeing, then RAN from the toilets without even washing her hands the mucky thing, lost a shoe en route to the table which she just left there in her hurry to get back to the table so that when the lady came out of the loos, she wouldn't tell it was Mam who'd lously arted in the loos.
In my opinion, a simple 'I'm sorry I have IBS' would have done, if she was hat concerned
I'd also love to hear from the lady in the toilets in York a few days later when we were talking about it, DM was AGAIN unaware of the lady who followed us in, and did a rather enthusiastic impression of her pump symphony
A group of clearly very naïve American tourists in Birmingham. We were visiting my Nana and enjoying a cheap hotel breakfast when the aforementioned tourists turned up and began being noisily stereotypical behind us. In between comments like "I just dig the whole Union Jack thing." and "It's sunny, I thought it always rained in England." was this gem. "So we're having a day trip to London today?" "Yes, and the best thing about going on a Sunday is that it will be really quiet as everyone will still be in Church." I nearly choked on my breakfast.