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Amusing things you've overheard

(23 Posts)
PeapodBurgundy Sun 15-Apr-18 08:33:45

Following on from the very enjoyable thread on random things people have overheard, what are the funniest snippets you've caught? (or simply things which have tickled you).

In the changing village at my local swimming pool, a lady and a toddler looked old 2/young 3 went into the cubicle next to us:

Mum: 'Rupert take your shorts off darling'
Rupert (a split second later): 'Mummy I simply can't'

Babdoc Sun 15-Apr-18 08:46:01

I was on the bus in Edinburgh, some years ago. A v respectable prim daddy got on with his 3 year old (patent shoes, little velvet coat, butter wouldn’t melt, etc)
Little girl, annoyed that they can’t sit at the front, said “Bum”.
Daddy, horrified: “We do NOT say bum! Bum is a sweary word!”
Little girl: “ Bum is not a sweary word”
There was a short, significant pause before she added, helpfully: “Fuck is a sweary word!”
I had silent hysterics as the daddy put his head in his hands...

PeapodBurgundy Sun 15-Apr-18 17:18:00

grin The image of that scenario is amazing!

I worked in a school in a socially deprived area, there was some very fruity language, but you expected it. You don't expect it from a litle dolly child, haha.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 15-Apr-18 17:23:46

A child and his mum sat in front of me at the cinema, they had obviously been having a conversation just before because after the found their seats the boy aged approximately 5 said to his mum "but why is it unacceptable to say motherfucker?" At which point my 11 year old blurted out "mam that boy just said motherfucker!" At which point everyone in the cinema was staring at me and the other mum while we both hissed at our children to shut up!

midsomermurderess Sun 15-Apr-18 17:29:18

Walking along Princes Street in Edinburgh past a crowd watching one of those human statutes, one woman saying to another, Ah din ken who's more stupid, him for doing it or them for watching it.

MillieMoon94 Sun 15-Apr-18 17:32:14

My boyfriend told me last year that when a car cut him up on a roundabout out 3 year old son who was in the back at the time shouted “What a fucking idiot!” (Bad parent awards for us I think 🙈)

And a few weeks ago at the park I was talking to some other mums when my son started urgently tugging my arm saying he needed me. I thought he needed the toilet so gave him my immediate attention only for him to say, in front of the other mums “I just really need to know who would win in a fight between a goat and a badger.”

LaurieFairyCake Sun 15-Apr-18 17:33:44

In loo in changing room at fancy Spa overhearing two posh lasses outside

“Livvy, I just didn’t expect it to fall off while we were shagging”

<dramatic pause>

“Hmm, well he’s not really from round here”

I was AGOG and still have no idea WHAT fell off ! Various theories have been concocted - a Prince Albert? A condom? Some sort of sex toy he didn’t know how to use as he wasn’t ‘from round here’ - and what did that mean?

PeapodBurgundy Sun 15-Apr-18 17:58:21

The mind boggles at the 'fell off while shagging'. Does anyone know oof any reigional sex accessories which may be difficult to apply/insert/wear?

The living staue one reminds me of a day trip out to a popular tourist city. I was waiting outside a shop with DS in his pram (the shop wasn't pram friendly) next to a living statue on a bike. A hen party were getting their pictures taken pretending to shove a large vibrator up his backside (poor form in the middle of the day when you're surrounded by sober people/families etc IMO, but there you go), when he bloke let out a GIGANTIC fart right in her face grin

Threeandabit Sun 15-Apr-18 22:34:38

Lovely thread! grin

Clawdy Sun 15-Apr-18 22:50:49

Many years ago, on a bus in Glasgow, a little lad hissed loudly at his mother "If ye dinnae give me that, I'll tell everyone ye piss in the sink!"

Angie169 Sun 15-Apr-18 22:58:43

oh just what I need , what a great thread !
But I still want to know what fell off {grin}

PeapodBurgundy Mon 16-Apr-18 12:37:13

I love snippets of other people's lives, the funny/random ones just add an extra layer of brilliance :-)

Who would take the extra effort to piss in the sink? What a funny thing to threaten! haha

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 16-Apr-18 12:42:40

Not over heard but funny all the same.
but my mum was a TA and this little boy asked her how old she was. My mum replied I'm 16, anyway. A look of horror came over his face and he said. "ARe you nearly at the end of the numbers". grin

kaytee87 Mon 16-Apr-18 12:45:27

Listening to two women talking in the gym changing rooms about a restaurant one had been to. Apparently "the monkfish was awful, like biting into raw penis"
The mind boggles.

kaytee87 Mon 16-Apr-18 12:46:53

Also heard someone do a very loud, wet fart in the swimming changing rooms grin

PeapodBurgundy Mon 16-Apr-18 14:06:46

kaytee I'd love to hear from the lady who was in the toilet cubicle in Leeds nect to DM a couple of years back. She has IBS, and mid way through her meal realised she was having an attack. She dashed to the loos, which were mercifully empty, but somebody came in half way through what she described as an epic symphony of farts. She was so embarassed, she waited until the other lady was weeing, then RAN from the toilets without even washing her hands the mucky thing, lost a shoe en route to the table which she just left there in her hurry to get back to the table so that when the lady came out of the loos, she wouldn't tell it was Mam who'd lously arted in the loos.

In my opinion, a simple 'I'm sorry I have IBS' would have done, if she was hat concerned grin

I'd also love to hear from the lady in the toilets in York a few days later when we were talking about it, DM was AGAIN unaware of the lady who followed us in, and did a rather enthusiastic impression of her pump symphony grin

I love my DM, she'sso uncouth!

Huskylover1 Mon 16-Apr-18 16:35:14

2 Americans in Edinburgh, admiring the Castle, when one said to the other "The Castle is so lovely, but I can't believe they built it so close to the Train Station" confused

Huskylover1 Mon 16-Apr-18 16:38:36

Oh, and again American tourists at Auschwitz ....taking selfies and one pronounced "Oh my god, it's so realistic, you'd almost believe that this actually happened"

And, Americans again, in Rome, complaining that the cobbled streets were bad for their heels and "hadn't they heard of tarmacadam?"

CigarsofthePharoahs Mon 16-Apr-18 16:53:55

A group of clearly very naïve American tourists in Birmingham.
We were visiting my Nana and enjoying a cheap hotel breakfast when the aforementioned tourists turned up and began being noisily stereotypical behind us. In between comments like "I just dig the whole Union Jack thing." and "It's sunny, I thought it always rained in England." was this gem.
"So we're having a day trip to London today?"
"Yes, and the best thing about going on a Sunday is that it will be really quiet as everyone will still be in Church."
I nearly choked on my breakfast.

Elflocks Fri 20-Apr-18 22:10:09

Are you nearly at the end of the numbers?

That is so, so sweet. smile

wanderings Fri 20-Apr-18 22:21:46

During the heatwave yesterday, I had time to pop into my local outdoor swimming pool. As I was queueing, someone passing said "Oooh, look at those people queueing to get verrucas!"

PeapodBurgundy Fri 20-Apr-18 22:23:47

What a positive outlook on life! hmm There are some miserable blighters about I tell you!

QuercusQuercus Fri 20-Apr-18 23:19:19

On the top of a double decker bus, going over Battersea Bridge, I heard one tourist say to the other, 'Oh my God, look how much the river's risen. If it gets any higher there'll be a flood!'

They didn't realise the tide had come in.

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