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Mil buying us tat(77 Posts)
Mil buys loads of crap, in her house every drawer and cupboard is rammed with soap sets, fancy candles etc. The lift and garage are death traps with just crap rammed into them. She even tried to store her China in our house as she couldn’t find a place for it. We live in a new build with decent cupboard space but we barely have room for the stuff we actually want.
She keeps buying us stuff that is useless tat, an ornamental lighthouse ,an awful picture for the wall and now a mug set. The mugs say ‘Mr Right and Mrs Always right’ she’s not trying to make a dig though. I have two cupboards full of mugs. I don’t need or want any.
How do we get her to stop, she is quite sensitive so may get upset if we are blunt but gentle hints get ignored. Now I have to say thanks and have these mugs cluttering up the place until I can ge then to the charity shop.
It’s a waste of her pension doing this all the time and I really don’t want all my drawers and cupboards getting full of this kind of nonsense!
Learn to say no. Donate what you don’t want to charity.
How does your DP feel?? can he have a gentle word with her? She sounds very generous - bless.
We get this too but I constantly talk to her about how I'm having a clear out. THen when she tries to give me something I say, "Oh that's lovely but I just dont have room." We still get loads but she is fully aware I dont want it so I dont feel guilty for binning or charity shopping.
We have said no and we do go to charity shop. She gets upset if we refuse and I currently work 6 days a week and live rurally so have to make a special trip to get to the charity shop. We don’t need anything but she calls up and says ‘oh I bought you x..’ why???? So now i’ll Have tat littering the house again until I gets chance to take the latest piece of shite tontye shopnto donate and i’ll be expected to say thanks for this!
DP feels the same but doesn’t want to hurt her either. She is generous but it’s just a waste and her home is full of rubbish. I can’t liveblike that.
Handing over useless ugly crap is not generous when youve been told ' no thanks'. It is making work.
She needs to behave like an adult and not be 'sensitive'.
To be honest, you're probably best just getting over yourself. It's not like she's maliciously filling your house with crack cocaine, she's buying things she thinks you'll like. As irritating and as inconvenient as it is, it's coming from the right place - and when she's gone, you might find you miss it.
Firm words are the only way.
MIL was like for years despite us saying time and time again. At its worse she was spending around £500 a month just buying utter crap for us. And it really was just crap. Cheap broken stuff, poundland junk etc. One Christmas she spent around £3k on the DC. I was horrified and mortified. She has MH issues though so it was a very difficult situation.
It's difficult, I know, but it'll only get worse.
@bumdishcloths I will not miss the tat. It’s a waste of her money so despite being ‘nice’ it’s just crap and causing work for me. Right now i’m Working 14 hour days six days a week. I do not need to then be traipsing our to a charity shop. Why don’t you get over yourself ffs!
Dp did say ‘Mum don’t buy us tat!’ But o think she thinks they are not tat. It was worse when she volunteered in a charity shop and bought me dirty soft toys. Soft toys give me the heebie jeebies and they were dirty! I’m in my 30’s I don’t need soft toys.
I’ve cleared a temporary tat area on a shelf so they are out of the way. Well that’s my day off fucked again, sigh! Plus i’ll Need to further afield as she frequents all charity shops nearby so I need to make sure she doesn’t spot them....
I feel for you OP. My MIL used to "gift" us random crap from her own house that she no longer wanted, including huge rugs and pieces of old furniture!
I think you need to mention that you're having a big spring clear out and adopting a "less is more" approach from now on and so no need for her to buy anything more for the house. You could suggest an alternative gift that you'd actually like - eg wine??
Yep tried that before and got an ornamental lighthouse. She doesn’t think it’s all tat. I just need to put it on the shelf ignore it and donate it. It’s such a waste of her money (she does say she is a bit skint too)
What goes to charity shops gets bought, used by someone else for a while then chucked out. Can you miss the middleman and get it straight to bin bags, then when you’ve a few bags taken to the top. Or just shove in bin.
Telling you to get over yourself is impressively bad advice. She's going to get worse.
My ex mil used to do this to me too...i hated it as i hate clutter and i like to live fairly as minimal as possible....
Mine wasnt wasting her money she was just clearing out her own house and dumping it on us was easier for her than going to the tip.
I used to bin whenever possible as I never made it to the charity shops.
Can you be constructive?
"MIL, we appreciate that you like to buy things and as touched as we are that you think of us, the things you bring round are really not anything we want or need. We would much rather you spend time not money on us and if you really feel the need to bring something then a packet of biscuits we can enjoy over a cuppa together would be much more welcome"
Next time she brings something round
"Well that's not digestives is it? Never mind, can you return it and next time bring biscuits?"
"Not really, it's from a charity shop"
"Well can you resonate it instead please? Would you like tea?"
She’s got a shopping/ tat addiction. She’s not doing it to be nice. She’s doing it because she can’t stop!
I feel bad just binning it though. I do have a few issues with her but I know she is just trying to do a nice thing but i’dvrathet She spent the money on herself. We both work and if we want something we’ll buy it ourselves or save up. She also keeps buying clothes for dp in a ‘small’ each time he says it’s too small as he’s medium to large she doesn’t take it on board. I’d he buys something whilst she’s there she’ll express surprise at him not buying a ‘small’ He hasn’t been ‘small’ since he was 8! Time and time again she buys the wrong size and won’t take on board ‘medium or large’!
Don't even bother keeping the stuff to clutter your place - just put it straight into the charity bag, and donate!
You need to be very firm, almost impolite. No thanks. I don't want it. Please don't buy any more things.
Keep repeating it and she will get the message. Possibly with a bit of sulking.
@space we’re trying to establish some boundaries as she wants to spend at least 3 full days a week with us... we can’t do that as I also have my family, we want time together, we work a lot, we want to do some work on our own house. So takes her shopping for food once a week and sees her for a coffee another morning. She goes to church fayres etc and then phones all excited to tell us what she bought us 🤦🏻♀️
It's an illness. My stepmother used to do it. Bin bags of clothes that were inappropriate eg wrong sizes for the dc, hats and bags that I wouldn't be seen dead in, second hand plates and cups, pans and other kitchen stuff.
It went on for years. It was baffling as we weren't struggling for money or ever asked her for anything, it was all about her and how it made her feel. Like she was doing something worthwhile and good.
In the end one day I told her straight that we didn't want anymore of her second hand stuff. That it was kind of her but it was too much. Thankfully it worked.
She doesn’t listen for some reason. It’s very strange she isn’t actually interested in us or our opinions. She calls constantly and never asks ‘oh how are you?’’are you busy?’it’s one long monologue about her life and her friends we don’t know. I actually realised she knows nothing about us, if you asked her what we do for a living she actually couldn’t tell you.
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