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Nasty mother to my dd, concerned about her child?

(40 Posts)
Cannonfodder Wed 21-Mar-18 07:16:43

Regular poster. Dd has asked me to use a name change and post on mumsnet - she’s only 9!

Yesterday dd went to a play date at her friends house with 2 other girls from her class. When dd was running up the stairs, she slipped. Her school bag was over her arm and she went to grab the handrail. Her bag hit the host child on her leg resulting in the girl hitting her knee on the wall.

The mother lost it. She took dd and her dd into another room and sent the other girls upstairs. The mother said saw it, it wasn’t an accident (it was). She could report dd to the authorities. Her dd needs to go to the doctor or the hospital (they didn’t go). Look at the big blue bruise - dd couldn’t see any bruise at the time. After buying dd pizza each time she comes round, this is how dd treats her dd and this could make her (the mother) cry. Shouting. Dd apologised several times and she still made dd apologise again.

The mother then called the other 2 girls downstairs to discuss the situation with them. It was only once this had happened that her dd turned and said it was an accident. The mother then turned to dd and said “Do you forgive me?” And made dd agree to forgiving her.

I am friends with one of the other mothers and her dd has corroborated the story.

This woman is beyond weird. I thought she was relatively harmless. The consensus among my friends is her dd is probably emotionally neglected and she is one of those parents, whose child is treated differently and visibly more precious than any other childrenans dd has complained about this more than once on play dates.

I don’t dispute that her friends knee hurt perhaps even a lot. She apparently wasn’t crying very much in the beginning but increased as her mother shouted at my dd. She then squealed after about 5 mins. I don’t think she was frightened of her mother. I think she was enjoying the attention as she doesn’t get a great deal of it.

But now I’m wondering if she can treat my dd like this in front of other children, how does she treat her dd behind closed doors?

BalloonSlayer Wed 21-Mar-18 07:21:04

A massive over-reaction like that doesn't sound like emotional neglect to me, rather the opposite.

She sounds awful though so I would keep a wide berth.

Littlechocola Wed 21-Mar-18 07:21:54

Sorry, your 9 year old suggested you name change and post on here?
I would be spending less time on mumsnet.

HarrietKettle Wed 21-Mar-18 07:23:23

That's an odd thing for a nine year old to suggest!

NotTakenUsername Wed 21-Mar-18 07:25:57

I think she was enjoying the attention as she doesn’t get a great deal of it.

Maybe that’s why you’re Dd suggested you post on Mumsnet...?

Why aren’t you speaking to the mother about this? Why are you asking the Internet?

NotTakenUsername Wed 21-Mar-18 07:26:26

Your. hmm

acornfed Wed 21-Mar-18 07:29:17

I would keep a VERY wide berth. That's not a normal reaction from a mother about an accident on a play date.

Steeley113 Wed 21-Mar-18 07:32:13

If a mother spoke to my child like this, I’d be round there like a fish wife. No need for it.

CheeseyToast Wed 21-Mar-18 07:32:56

It all sounds ridiculous. I wouldn't be sending my child there again, too weird. And besides, 3 extras after school is just silly.

Decasanova Wed 21-Mar-18 07:36:26

Apart from the other mother over reacting ( if it is true as the only witness to your daughter's version of events is another 9 year old), your own daughter suggesting a name change on here indicates an awareness of your posting on here which is a bit odd. Does she suspect the other mother might read it and dispute what happened?

Cannonfodder Wed 21-Mar-18 07:41:59

Dd knows I Mumsnet a lot. Mainly while she’s not around or in bed. I’m chronically ill. It doesn’t dominate my entire life. She said she didn’t want it in my normal name because she probably thinks parents at school already know who I am like Facebook. It was a joke.

Anyway thats not my point of posting. So thanks for the response. I am going to contact the mother. I was really asking about her dd.

NotTakenUsername Wed 21-Mar-18 07:46:41

And besides, 3 extras after school is just silly.

That’s news to me! shock

Decasanova Wed 21-Mar-18 07:51:24

In that case I would speak to the mother then but not accusatory, just ask her about the incident to see what her version is. If it is true though I get the feeling she would lie to you anyway.

I'd not have my daughter go round there again because even if what your daughter said is untrue or only partly true, something has obviously happened so it's best your daughter doesn't go round there again.

EllieMe Wed 21-Mar-18 07:54:30

I wouldn't let my DD near her again.

BluthsFrozenBananas Wed 21-Mar-18 07:55:32

Well yes, it’s quite possible from what happened and the mother’s response that the girl isn’t having the most emotionally stable upbringing, but there’s not a lot you can do about it. As long as the girl’s basic needs are being met and she’s not being physically abused no outside agency is going to be able to get involved, and I can’t imagine the mother would take kindly to having her parenting criticised by other parents.

GU24Mum Wed 21-Mar-18 07:58:20

Sounds like the mother knows she has over-reacted and been unreasonable.

But, if your DD is at school with hers, I'd steer clear of them and not be available if ever there is another invitation - and don't invite the other girl back to yours. If you call her out on it she'll end up defensive and the whole thing can escalate - and that's likely to be more traumatic for your daughter.

Juells Wed 21-Mar-18 07:58:35

I wouldn't bother confronting the mother. Just wouldn't let my child go there again. Storm in a teacup.

Inthedeepdarkwinter Wed 21-Mar-18 08:03:35

I don't see the point in confronting the mum either, she's going to be very defensive and you may end up in an argument. Now you know- she's not a trustworthy/balanced person to mind your dd during a playdate, and just don't let her go again. Perhaps your dd would still like to be friends with her at school. I would not be happy with this though.

DullAndOld Wed 21-Mar-18 08:03:36

^^ this what juells said, it will soon blow over, just don't send your child there again.

Hoppinggreen Wed 21-Mar-18 08:07:44

I wouldn’t be psychoanalysing the Mum of her DD but I would make sure my child never went there again
Their dynamic isn’t your business ( unless you believe it to be abusive) so stop discussing it with other parents and coming to a “consensus”
If the child is ok then continue to invite her but avoid the Mother

AppleAndBlackberry Wed 21-Mar-18 08:09:46

Definitely don't send your DD there again and make sure she knows the mother's behaviour was wrong. I probably wouldn't confront her but it's up to you.

OliviaStabler Wed 21-Mar-18 08:17:12

I wouldn't say a thing. If that is how she acts, she is unlikely to take on board anything negative about herself or her dd.

If a mother spoke to my child like this, I’d be round there like a fish wife Really? confused

blueskyinmarch Wed 21-Mar-18 08:21:07

Sounds like the Mum has a short fuse and blew up too quickly before getting the facts. As long as your DD understands that she needs to be a little wary around d her then I reckon no harm done.

Littlechocola Wed 21-Mar-18 08:29:24

‘Probably neglected’
What will you ask the mum? ‘Are you neglecting your child?’

Snowyhere2018 Wed 21-Mar-18 08:36:23

I'd ask her what happened without saying too much of your child's version of events. That gives you a chance to hear both sides but also if guillty she will know you know. And then never send your DD there again.

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