Talk

How to wipe her bum after a poo (dd age 3)

Decent handwriting.

He's 14 and really struggles.

That sleep is helpful not something to fight against. Also that getting off the sofa and bed feet first is safer than head first.

How to read. I hate Biff and Chip and he refuses to read anything else.

On a more serious note - that you might as well love and care for yourself a lot because not loving and caring for yourself is pointless and unhelpful and there's really no reason to choose the later over the former

How to rise above silly teenage girls

That standing up to bullies is the best way to deal with them, and that "standing up to bullies" can be done in many ways.

Resilience.

Oh no, wait!! How to make me the perfect cup of tea!

Same as zombie
to be ok with yourself, I think pretty much everything follows on from that

How to walk, she is 6 months and hasn't moved an inch. Not even crawling or sitting up

To not ignore the mess they make.

@TheQueenOfWands perhaps it's time to have a word with school and say he cannot do any better therefore please assess his needs for a laptop. There can be a lot of reasons why someone cannot produce perfect handwriting besides just not trying hard enough.

babybel I am not going to be the first to say this to you but a non walking child is like ambrosia- it is literally the best thing in the world

You will spend the rest of your life telling them to speed up, slow down, don’t touch that, go to bed and so on and so forth that putting a child down and it being there when you come back? Bliss!

Resilience

How to use their indoor voices. I'm sick of being screeched and yelled at. I'm two foot away from you, stop bellowing!

Assertiveness. Real assertiveness - not what people think of as assertiveness (ie aggression). It took me about 40 years

How to use the potty and/or toilet.

DS (3) adamantly refuses it and I've really had enough of his adult human equivalent poos I'm having to tackle

I'd teach my 3 year old to walk home from nursery so I don't have to get off this settee!

to be a whizz in maths

Self respect.

For them to always know that they are enough, just as they are. They have nothing to prove, and they have nothing they need to achieve.

Yes, instant potty training would be amazing!

A walking 6 month old would be an absolute nightmare on the other hand.

To be kind without being taken advantage of.

Effective nose-blowing