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Help me not be petty

(20 Posts)
SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 13:32:00

A supposed good friend of mine is getting married soon. She had many bridesmaids but I wasn't asked. Instead she asked 1 of our friends in our group of 3 ouch. After years of supporting her etc it was a slap in the face. Anyway I now very rarely hear from her but I'm not that bothered. Today we received the wedding invite. It would cause too many issues with friendships etc if I don't go. However the really awful petty part of me wants to get her a cheap card and a bottle of champagne we have in the cupboard rather than make the effort I usually would. Please help me not be petty

Agustarella Mon 19-Mar-18 13:34:46

A card and champagne sounds perfectly nice. Petty would be putting a turd in her car exhaust pipe. smile

SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 13:35:25

I really want to be the bigger person!

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 19-Mar-18 13:36:20

If you rarely hear from her, what makes you think you're good friends?

IAmWonkoTheSane Mon 19-Mar-18 13:36:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 13:38:10

I rarely hear from her after she asked the world to be bridesmaid and not me

SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 13:38:55

Wonko I would have gone all out for her wedding usually so I feel petty not doing it because I've got a nark on

MrsXx4 Mon 19-Mar-18 13:39:08

You are being very petty and just generally not very nice. Her wedding isn't about you. I didn't chose one of my best friends as my BM and I had my own reasons why and it was a very tough decision for me to make but one that ultimately I had to make for myself (and my budget) she reacted very badly and caused a huge rift between the friendship group. She didn't end up coming to my wedding. She came out of it all looking completely unreasonable and no one thought she was right to act how she did.

Nearly two years down the line and no, the friendship has not recovered! I would tread carefully.

IAmWonkoTheSane Mon 19-Mar-18 13:39:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 19-Mar-18 13:40:21

I don’t think you’re being outwardly petty, and I think inwardly doesn’t really matter, it’ll probably make you feel better.

You’ve realised this friendship wasn’t what you thought it was, so time to either accept the new reality of it or let it fade out.

My oldest friend got married probably ten years ago now, I wasn’t a BM but she couldn’t have picked us all and I decided I didn’t want to lose a great friend because of it. We are still close now and she was one of my BMs because I feel close enough to her that it doesn’t matter. Look at the friendship as a whole not just this incident.

IAmWonkoTheSane Mon 19-Mar-18 13:40:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LayerShortOfALasagne Mon 19-Mar-18 13:43:11

@MrsXx4 why didn’t you invite her?? I need to know grin

SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 13:43:30

We did used to be best friends but since she asked lots of others to be bridesmaid were rarely in touch. She's having 8 bridesmaids

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 19-Mar-18 13:46:39

Eight bridesmaids?????

Bouledeneige Mon 19-Mar-18 13:46:47

Life's too short! Who wants to be a bridesmaid anyway?

Let it go!

MrsXx4 Mon 19-Mar-18 13:48:28

My reply looks really harsh but I was typing really fast haha! I just mean that if the friendship still means something to you then don't treat her differently to 'punish' her for who she chose. So if you wouldn't give the other ladies in your group cheap stuff from the cupboard don't do it to her.

However, if this is about her not bothering with you then that's totally your call how you see the friendship going.

@Layer I did invite her, she didn't come and only told me two days before my wedding that she wasn't coming so she was even on the table plan.

She sent me abusive text messages telling me to change my choice of BM or she wouldn't be coming at the very start of my wedding planning which obviously, I didn't do. I believe she led me to think she was coming and knew all along she wouldn't come!

So BM matters are a little sensitive! haha!

teaandtoast Mon 19-Mar-18 13:49:07

If she'd always been a more distant friend, like she is now, would a card and a bottle of champagne be the right thing to give her, in your eyes?

Thistlebelle Mon 19-Mar-18 13:55:39

I didn’t ask my best friend to be my bridesmaid either. Twenty years on we are still best friends.

Go to the wedding and have fun. Be happy you are spared getting dressed with eight women and being forced to wear a dress and shoes you didn’t pick.

Spend what you would spend on any friend/family member you don’t see much but whose wedding you are obliged to go to.

Set it aside. It’s just a wedding.

Go, have fun, dance, eat free food and drink free champagne.

IAmWonkoTheSane Mon 19-Mar-18 13:57:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaintLucia Mon 19-Mar-18 14:37:18

The bridesmaids are a mix of married women,pregnant or with kids. I think what pissed me off was the way I was told. I'd already seen one of the other girls put she'd been asked on social media so I knew I hadn't. The next day I went to the brides house and the bridesmaid who had been picked from our group of 3 was there. It was obvious she'd been there for a while and when she left bride followed her out to talk by the car then told me I wasn't bridesmaid. I felt set up tbh

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