A supposed good friend of mine is getting married soon. She had many bridesmaids but I wasn't asked. Instead she asked 1 of our friends in our group of 3 ouch. After years of supporting her etc it was a slap in the face. Anyway I now very rarely hear from her but I'm not that bothered. Today we received the wedding invite. It would cause too many issues with friendships etc if I don't go. However the really awful petty part of me wants to get her a cheap card and a bottle of champagne we have in the cupboard rather than make the effort I usually would. Please help me not be petty
You are being very petty and just generally not very nice. Her wedding isn't about you. I didn't chose one of my best friends as my BM and I had my own reasons why and it was a very tough decision for me to make but one that ultimately I had to make for myself (and my budget) she reacted very badly and caused a huge rift between the friendship group. She didn't end up coming to my wedding. She came out of it all looking completely unreasonable and no one thought she was right to act how she did.
Nearly two years down the line and no, the friendship has not recovered! I would tread carefully.
I don’t think you’re being outwardly petty, and I think inwardly doesn’t really matter, it’ll probably make you feel better.
You’ve realised this friendship wasn’t what you thought it was, so time to either accept the new reality of it or let it fade out.
My oldest friend got married probably ten years ago now, I wasn’t a BM but she couldn’t have picked us all and I decided I didn’t want to lose a great friend because of it. We are still close now and she was one of my BMs because I feel close enough to her that it doesn’t matter. Look at the friendship as a whole not just this incident.
My reply looks really harsh but I was typing really fast haha! I just mean that if the friendship still means something to you then don't treat her differently to 'punish' her for who she chose. So if you wouldn't give the other ladies in your group cheap stuff from the cupboard don't do it to her.
However, if this is about her not bothering with you then that's totally your call how you see the friendship going.
@Layer I did invite her, she didn't come and only told me two days before my wedding that she wasn't coming so she was even on the table plan.
She sent me abusive text messages telling me to change my choice of BM or she wouldn't be coming at the very start of my wedding planning which obviously, I didn't do. I believe she led me to think she was coming and knew all along she wouldn't come!
The bridesmaids are a mix of married women,pregnant or with kids. I think what pissed me off was the way I was told. I'd already seen one of the other girls put she'd been asked on social media so I knew I hadn't. The next day I went to the brides house and the bridesmaid who had been picked from our group of 3 was there. It was obvious she'd been there for a while and when she left bride followed her out to talk by the car then told me I wasn't bridesmaid. I felt set up tbh