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11 year old so difficult at the moment. Tell me I'm not alone.

(15 Posts)
losenotloose Mon 19-Mar-18 10:39:58

He's just so difficult at the moment. He's always been trustworthy but recently he keeps lying. He's argumentative, defiant, rude.

What am I doing wrong?

lostlemon Mon 19-Mar-18 10:48:18

Hi lose, hopefully someone with lots of knowledge will come along but for my 2 this has been normal behaviour. I remember being very shock when my DC1 stole money from DH and then deliberately lied about something to do with school. I believe it's a normal cycle in their development but obviously not all children will do this. My DS is 11, he lies to me all the time, he'll grow out of it however I do tell him, as I told his sister that the consequence of the lies will be more severe than if they told the truth first time around.

Grandadwasthatyou Mon 19-Mar-18 11:12:23

We were just saying the same about our 11 year old ds.
I can't prove this actually has anything to do with it but we have definitely noticed a difference in his behaviour and attitude towards us since he started playing Fortnite on his PlayStation.

To this end we have cut right down on the time he is allowed on it , and he prowls around like a caged tiger, saying everything is boring and being completely disrespectful to me and DP.

MamTDM Mon 19-Mar-18 11:56:40

Mine turns 11 tomorrow and he's a nightmare at the moment - homework dramas, screen time dramas, the most almighty tantrum this morning because I wouldn't let him cycle to school on black ice. And yet he can be absolutely delightful. It's a tricky age, with secondary school looming and hormones beginning to surface, and a lot of his friends seem to be acting a lot older than they are all of a sudden. Wish I had the answer!

losenotloose Mon 19-Mar-18 12:04:57

He started secondary in September. He's always been challenging but it's awful recently.

If I try and ignore him he'll just getting ruder and ruder until I lose it. It honestly feels like he wants a negative reaction.

And yes, screen time obsessed.

AlishaMary Mon 19-Mar-18 12:05:04

Same here. It makes me so sad. But we still get glimpses of the happy little boy so I try to focus on that.

I’m mildly horrified that I’m living with a stereotype I’d never thought he’d be - rude, obsessed with junk food and sweets, gaming the only thing he’s interested in, ungrateful sad

BusyEvenForBee Mon 19-Mar-18 12:11:53

we have definitely noticed a difference in his behaviour and attitude towards us since he started playing Fortnite on his PlayStation

The same here. Everything is boring, and he is constantly asking for money to buy this or that for the game. There is always a special online 'offer' which everybody else with brilliant parents has purchased except 'poor' him.

DS became quite selfish and disrespectful, really hope it is just a phase.

BearSoFair Mon 19-Mar-18 13:38:43

Mine is my DD, not quite 11 but can totally sympathise...if this is what we'll have to deal with for the teenage years I'll be a wreck by the end of it! She will argue over literally the smallest most insignificant point, I think she sees it as some kind of victory when she draws someone into having a debate over something that is actually pointless. I try so hard not to get sucked in but it's impossible sometimes, she's just so stubborn/unmoving.

Snowyhere2018 Mon 19-Mar-18 13:44:10

Interestingly, my 10 year old son had two melt downs at the weekend and has recently become very argumentative. I am putting it down to hormones. Dd aged 13 was stroppy at that age but better now.

Juanbablo Mon 19-Mar-18 15:06:06

10.5 yo ds1 is the same. Fortnite also a big issue. We massively restrict the amount that he is allowed on there and he has been better this weekend but is so rude sometimes and definitely negative. He used to not care about screens but since we got the PS4 at Christmas he's obsessed.

Minestheoneinthegreen Mon 19-Mar-18 15:12:14

Mine has been a complete cow. She was an angel until she started y7 in September with only very minor blips. Now she is stroppy, falling out with friends, she is basically an enormous toddler. I just let her sleep as much as possible, feed her and try not to strangle her.

MrsJonesAndMe Mon 19-Mar-18 15:49:07

We're having issues with fibbing, not taking responsibility and not wanting to join in with family life! God help me through the next 6 or so years!

losenotloose Mon 19-Mar-18 15:50:47

Thanks for the replies, good to know I'm not alone!

I don't think I'm dealing with him well at the moment. Part of the problem he's never been able to accept consequences. So if he does wrong and we take Xbox time away for a day he then has a massive strop about that, going on and on until I blow up. If he would just accept the first consequence we could get on with life!

forcryinoutloud Mon 19-Mar-18 16:42:50

Sympathies OP, yes think this is a common age that they get 'difficult'.

Bear your DD sounds like mine used to be to a 't', could start an argument in an empty room. I mainly blamed the hormones but if it's any consolation once they settled down (after a few years) she became lovely.

The phrase 'pick your battles' has been said a billion times on MN and for good reason!

lostlemon Tue 20-Mar-18 23:23:22

A few other tips I've been given - don't punish by removing the xbox but reward good behaviour with the xbox ie. he earns time on the xbox. Acknowledge what they are saying without trying to fix the problem or offer too many solutions. Sometimes they just want to know that you are hearing them. Make sure their diet is good, try and ensure there isn't too much sugar. Lastly, lots and lots of hugs (if they let you!)

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