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Boyfriend dosnt like my sister

(22 Posts)
Lion3 Sat 17-Mar-18 12:30:16

Hi guys just signed up need advice.
My partner dosnt like my sister who I'm preety close with as with all my family.
So she has asked me to babysit while she gose out for a few hours .which means she will need to drop her child off to our house he has told me before that he dosnt want her to come to the house as he also lives hear ...i don't have my family come unless it is a must .But I feel this is unfear because I'm close with my family and like to help out but thus intern means sometimes they will have to come to mine ....but when I tell him my plans which will invole them coming to my home there is always a discussion and he stays in the room and sulks like I've done the most horrible thing ever.
I've told her I will look after her kids but but am hesitant to tell him.becouae I know it will cause tention.whats your thoughts

LovingLola Sat 17-Mar-18 12:31:11

Dump him and find somebody who will treat you with respect.

Rollerbilly5 Sat 17-Mar-18 12:32:02

He is controlling you and isolating you from your family...get out,get out, get out of this relationship. This is not normal adult behaviour

PanPanPanPing Sat 17-Mar-18 12:33:45

What does she think of him?

I agree with Lola

CompleteAisling Sat 17-Mar-18 12:36:25

First its your sister, then its your friends, then its your parents. Eventually you'll look around and realise there is noone he will allow you to talk to, only him.
Get out now.

Bananalanacake Sat 17-Mar-18 12:37:17

Sounds like he's trying to cut you off from your family so you have no support network. How long have you been together. Does he control you in other ways.

Lemond1fficult Sat 17-Mar-18 12:37:24

Why doesn't he like her? There are some times where I'd understand him not wanting her at the house (say, her disrespecting him or being aggressive). But it sounds more like he doesn't want to share you and/or wants to drive a wedge between you. If it's that, and you've always had a good relationship with your sister, you should dump him, because he sounds like an immature manchild.

IAmALionTamer Sat 17-Mar-18 12:38:07

This isn’t normal behaviour. It’s perfectly acceptable to not like a person even if they’re related to your partner but you shouldn’t make your partner for not feeling the same way as you do.
You are aware of his feelings and generally considerate of them, but if your sister has to drop the kids off then so be it. Acting like a child and punishing you is not on.
Unless there is a massive backstory where your sister has treated him badly in the past, I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.
If he is, as others have suggested, isolating you from your family, then I would consider whether this is someone who you really want to be with.

Snowyhere2018 Sat 17-Mar-18 12:38:14

Why does he not like your sister?

Bananalanacake Sat 17-Mar-18 12:39:11

Roller said the same thing. I have thankfully never been in this situation but I read about it often on mn.

Peanutbuttercheese Sat 17-Mar-18 12:46:54

Unless there is a solid reason such as your sister is someone who is violent then I agree he is isolating you.

Plus sulking is one of the worse traits.

I have a solid reason to dislike my SIL she hit my child amongst other really awful stuff. I won't see her but have told DH he can see her whenever he wants he can even go on hols with her if he wants to, they used to do this.

Angrybird345 Sat 17-Mar-18 12:55:57

Get rid of him

Lion3 Sat 17-Mar-18 13:20:13

I've been with him for 21 years I have 3 kids which makes it all the worst.
My sister came to our home along with other members of my family with no advance warning I don't mind but he didn't like it.so my sister took her child to the toilet and he says he over heard her saying to her young child "they will leave when there ready" he took thus as a disrespectful as it is his home to. childish I know.
Also when she buzzed the buzzer she didn't say hello only asked for me as if he dosnt live there....i told him she didn't mean anything buy it but he disagrees.my family actuly like him but he keeps his distant he says my family is like the Kardashian where we have so many sisters and all in each other's business.

WunWegWunDarWun Sat 17-Mar-18 13:24:17

Well, that does all sound pretty rude to be honest.

picklemepopcorn Sat 17-Mar-18 13:35:06

The conversation with the child sounds to me like your sister's response to the child wanting to know when they'll go home.

LunaMay Sat 17-Mar-18 13:35:34

Get rid of him. I couldn't imagine being with anyone who would try to control when i saw my family in my own home or otherwise. Has your sister actually done anything to him?

anneoneill Sat 17-Mar-18 13:40:53

My sister came to our home along with other members of my family with no advance warning

For context, this would be a hanging offence for a husband's family on mumsnet.

missyB1 Sat 17-Mar-18 13:48:07

Ha ha can you imagine a thread about a Mil who came round with a specific invitation?! All hell would rain down!

Still OP in real life families do often pop in on each other and its no reason for your partner to try and isolate you from them. Tell him to pack it in, they are your family and always will be.

Lion3 Sat 17-Mar-18 13:52:58

There isn't anythink he can do as I have agreed to take care of my niece but all the same I know it's going to cause some kind of issue. Its not like I didn't tell him i have given him warning. I can't choose my family.... I've told him before if he dosnt like it I can't live like this so he can go .But I will not choose between the two and will not be controled.

Lion3 Sat 17-Mar-18 14:11:32

I like.

misscph1973 Sat 17-Mar-18 14:17:27

I think it's a bit strange that he feel so intimidated by your family.

My STBXH wasn't so keen on my sister at the end of our marriage, I think he felt that I put her above him, which I did, I am very close to my sister, and my marriage was ending, so he wasn't exactly at the top of my list. I think he probably always had a little resentment towards my sister, but he was able to rise above it for my sake.

All families are different, and what is normal in your family is obviously not normal in his.

But you say that you have been together for 21 years. Has this always been a problem?

Personally I think he should make more of an effort with your family for your sake, not for his own or your sisters. I am guessing that you respect the way his family works?

I have always been very polite to my in in-laws and we get on fine. I often think that the way they do things is complete bonkers, but I am sure they sometimes think the same about me and my family.

I think at the end of the day it's important to respect that there are different ways of being a family and that one way is not more right than the other.

Lion3 Sat 17-Mar-18 15:10:05

It has never been a problem in the past.Those situations have made him like that towards her.She has no idea he feels like this and I kinna don't want her to know as she the kid of person to want to talk to him.Hes thinking is any negative people should be out your life even if it is family even with his own sister and dad he dosnt talk to (dad wasn't in his life and sister has her ways which he don't like)
In my family if me or my siblings had issues we would eventually end up talking and just get on with it as we are family.never would we not talk for years.
He's thinking towards his family is beyound me.i never grew up with my dad and he also had false promises but I call him now and again.
It will be sorted.
THANKS for your comments.

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