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How to politely tell someone to butt out of your conversation.

(66 Posts)
MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 22:49:55

In the past I have asked my partner a quick question in front of his mum. Say I'm buying something for the house and want his opinion on price. So I'll ask "is this alright?" And show him my phone. He says yes or no and that's that. His mum will ask what we were talking about and then wants to discuss it. How do I tell her I don't want to discuss something with her? Or that it's just between me and my partner without sounding rude?

threeelephants Wed 14-Mar-18 22:52:34

"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Dont worry. (Smile) Did you watch call the midwife?"

Sittinonthefloor Wed 14-Mar-18 22:54:37

Well, I guess if you don't want to talk about it with her, er, don't talk about it in front of her? Or text him.

KnittingOnEmpty Wed 14-Mar-18 22:55:36

Wait till she's not around instead of stirring her curiosity.

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 22:57:18

I've learnt not to talk about things I don't want to discuss with her in front of her. I can't even ask him a quick question in a quiet voice without her pouncing. She doesn't live near us so when she comes, she stays over and it's not always feasible to text or wait until we've gone to bed

catkind Wed 14-Mar-18 22:57:54

"Don't worry MIL, nothing interesting/just household stuff." With a big smile, then change the subject. If she tries to insist, "no really, it's fine, I just needed DH to look at something a moment".

Is she around a lot? I wouldn't be dealing with stuff like that when MIL or my parents were here, I'd be talking to the visitors. But maybe you see her more than we do our families?

Justmuddlingalong Wed 14-Mar-18 22:58:13

Unless you have a serious shopping addiction that takes up a lot of your time, wait until it's just you and DP before having these conversations.

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 22:58:20

I could be talking about dusting and it would still stir her curiosity grin

ShiftyMcGifty Wed 14-Mar-18 23:00:46

Don’t be rude by having conversations in her presence and excluding her.

BertrandRussell Wed 14-Mar-18 23:00:53

Text him. Sorted.

And “don’t whisper in company” is a rule of good manners.

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 23:03:15

@shiftymcgifty it's not a conversation, I ask my partner something that requires yes or no and we don't discuss it further.

MyBrilliantDisguise Wed 14-Mar-18 23:03:26

You: whisper
Her: What is it?
You: Nothing, don't worry.
Her: But I want to know! What is it?
You: I wondered if he wanted a blow job tonight.

AdoraBell Wed 14-Mar-18 23:03:54

Agree, don’t talk about it in front of her if you don’t want an open conversation.

NotTakenUsername Wed 14-Mar-18 23:04:05

Is she not just trying to make an effort to be included?
It’s quite rude to have a conversation with only one person in the room when there is another present.
Maybe she is just trying to join in.
Maybe she is trying to gently highlight that you are being a wee bit rude?

OliviaStabler Wed 14-Mar-18 23:05:11

it's not a conversation, I ask my partner something that requires yes or no and we don't discuss it further.

But you are still being rude by talking on front of her and not including her. Wait to ask the question until a more appropriate time.

MarmaladeIsMyJam Wed 14-Mar-18 23:05:16

You’re being very rude. Don’t do it.

catkind Wed 14-Mar-18 23:07:20

LOL mybrilliant.
So you say DP have you taken the bins out, what does she say?
Is she just a talker generally? Or is it more she's struggling to find things to talk about so pounces on anything anyone else says?

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 23:07:42

We could be in a different room (preparing dinner or something), if she hears anything we say to each other, she will come and ask what we're talking about.

coffeeforone Wed 14-Mar-18 23:08:17

If you need to ask in front of her, then i think it’s polite to include her in the conversation. Otherwise wait until she isn’t there.

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 23:10:27

Would it not be stranger if I asked my partner to join me in another room to ask him a question? She's not on her own when she comes over. She could be chatting away to someone and leave that convo to ask what it was I asked him

PencilledIn Wed 14-Mar-18 23:10:40

how's she supposed to know that she's not allowed to have an opinion or verbalise it when you raised the subject in front of her?

Just nod, smile and do what you were going to do anyway.

NotTakenUsername Wed 14-Mar-18 23:12:25

Do you engage her in conversation when she visits?

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 23:15:44

@catkind when she stays and we're getting ready to go to bed and I quickly ask him about putting the bin out or making sure home turned something off, she will ask about it and make it into a conversation. She has expressed in the past that she felt excluded that she wasn't involved in a conversation we had when she wasn't even here about what colour paint we chose for the living room!

MrsAzul Wed 14-Mar-18 23:20:33

@nottakenusername I do engage. She usually visits for 2-3 days at a time. We're in the middle of redecorating so it's not always feasible to wait to ask him something

BertrandRussell Wed 14-Mar-18 23:21:58

Just say “oh, I was just asking if X had taken the bins out” stop making a drama out of it!

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