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Party invite - how many is it acceptable to leave out?

(25 Posts)
trilbydoll Thu 22-Feb-18 17:14:44

Just gave DD the class list to see who she wants to invite to her 5th birthday party.

Girls - she's saying 14/16 which would be very unkind so it'll be all of them.

Boys - she wants 6/14. So 8 from the class not invited.

Is this too few to leave out? I am reluctant to insist she only invites girls. Maybe I need to guide her towards fewer girls?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Thu 22-Feb-18 17:21:17

I'd say thats fine. The only rule with parties is that you don't invite the whole class or all the boys aside from little George or all the girls aside from Rosie.
So either All the class.
A mixture of boys and girls.
Just the girls
Just the boys.
As long as no one is singled out, really.

Hellywelly10 Thu 22-Feb-18 17:25:17

OK if you're can manage 20 kids? If not I'd try to half it.

trilbydoll Thu 22-Feb-18 17:30:46

Numbers not really an issue because it's a hall / entertainer and there'll be non school people there as well. It's going to be chaos grin

So we think 8/30 is not the end of the world? The boys in question I have never heard her mention so I assume they barely know each other!

wendz86 Thu 22-Feb-18 17:33:16

I’d probably say less than half the class or the whole class . Leaving 8 out of 30 out seems not quite fair .

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe Thu 22-Feb-18 17:37:56

If numbers aren't an issue why not just go for it and invite the class?

IJustLostTheGame Thu 22-Feb-18 17:43:07

It seems very unfair to leave out the two girls.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname Thu 22-Feb-18 17:46:24

It's always better to ask the child to come up with names without giving them a list of options - the people they come up with that way are more likely to be ones they play with and there will be fewer of them! You can still prompt casually by asking about any glaring omissions who've been to your house to pay several times or whose party they've been to or whatever, if necessary.

trilbydoll Thu 22-Feb-18 17:46:39

Obviously not leaving out 2 girls I'm not a monster shock

I'm just not sure what to do, she was horrified at the thought of inviting them, equally is it likely they would decline anyway. Or as you say, sod it, just invite everyone!

SpringHen Thu 22-Feb-18 17:48:01

My rules for my kids:
If you wanna be selective: either less than half the class, or just boys/girls
Otherwise its whole class.

More than half the class but not all is mean.

This has always been fine with my kids.

Viviennemary Thu 22-Feb-18 17:49:33

I agree that leaving 8 children out of 30 is a bit off. I'd just invite everyone. It's probably likely a few will be unable to make it anyway.

DenPerry Thu 22-Feb-18 17:50:31

For a 5th party I would invite everyone if it's in a hall, friendships are fluid and it's nice for kids who haven't got solid friends yet to have an invite.

Sirzy Thu 22-Feb-18 17:51:14

I would invite everyone

SpringHen Thu 22-Feb-18 17:52:04


Girls - she's saying 14/16 which would be very unkind so it'll be all of them.

Boys - she wants 6/14. So 8 from the class not invited.

So theres 30 in the class right?
She wants a mix of girls and boys, so my rule in that case is you can have up to 15 if you dont want whole class. Right now she has 20 which would not be okay by me.
If she narrowed it down to 15 I wouldnt mind how that was distributed boy/girl UNLESS say all 15 were girls and there were 16 girls in the class IYKWIM. If boys AND girls in the 15 then I wouldnt worry about how many boys/girls left out.

SpringHen Thu 22-Feb-18 17:56:32

Ive done lots of all class parties but I would never force them to invite someone who upsets them. In years when thats been an issue we've implimented a 15 max list.

Quartz2208 Thu 22-Feb-18 17:58:08

Yep its either under half, all boys, all girls, under 1/2 girls/boys (if just picking one) or all the class. I think leaving out 2 girls opens it up for trouble.

To be fair I would not have asked in this situation and just invited everyone!

LesLavandes Thu 22-Feb-18 17:59:22

I too wouldn't have asked and invited the whole class

SpringHen Thu 22-Feb-18 18:01:35

Yup at 4/5 we just did whole class as best friends/mortal enemies change by the day/hour

BUT since OP has already asked I dont think she can now ignore what the child said IYKWIM as that tells the kid that their opinions arent valued.

Vibe2018 Thu 22-Feb-18 18:02:51

In our school its always - all the class - or all the boys / girls. Its often the children who find it hard to make friends that might be left out of many parties and I would hate anyone to feel left out at such a young age.

upsideup Thu 22-Feb-18 18:05:21

I would just invite the 20/30 that she wants, that means not inviting 10/30 two of them are girls and 8 are boys. Why does it matter if the children not invited are boys or girls?

DewDropsonKittens Thu 22-Feb-18 18:47:05

If you have a hall so space not an issue and you leave out 8 children from a class you run the risk of isolating your daughter in future as guarantee that they will be a child or 2 who are part of a clique.

Social suicide.

DewDropsonKittens Thu 22-Feb-18 18:49:34

Also, you should be teaching your child to be kind and inclusive. Not giving her opportunities to be mean.

NataliaOsipova Thu 22-Feb-18 18:54:37

Agree with babyspider. Sadly, I don't really think you can reasonably leave out 8/30. You could invite 8 girls and 8 boys feasibly, but I think to leave out 8 looks too pointed.

trilbydoll Thu 22-Feb-18 19:00:36

Thanks all. My initial instinct was that 8 was a bit low, but I thought I'd get some more opinions!

Notonthestairs Thu 22-Feb-18 19:01:50

We did half (or less than) or all. Generally all. It was exhausting and expensive. Do half!

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