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What are your biggest turn-offs in a partner?

(71 Posts)
notmyredditusername365 Sun 18-Feb-18 10:15:09

The things that make you love and desire someone a little bit less every time they do them?

I ask because I see lots of threads on here from people who still claim to be in love with people who (from the outside at least) seem to have no redeeming features at all!!

So, apart from the usual poor personal hygiene and being cruel or abusive etc etc, what kills the passion in your relationships?

For me it is

not knowing when to stop drinking
being unable to cook
general incompetence (not knowing very basic diy, how to clean or do laundry)
being addicted to anything including smart phones
not being able to chat and make small talk where required
meanness with money

Minestheoneinthegreen Sun 18-Feb-18 10:37:09

My list is long, which is why I am terminally single. I am also aware I am not the catch of the century, but I am ok with that!

Obv the things you had re hygiene and cruel. Plus big nos for me are:
No sense of humour or an inappropriate one
Excessive technology use (phone, tv, consoles)
Can't drive
Bad dress sense
Excessive fondness of any hobby or sport including following one
Messy
Boarder or collector
Man who doesn't read
Bad fingernails
Bad shoes
Bad teeth
Dope smoker
Porn user
Crap in bed

PrimeraVez Sun 18-Feb-18 10:44:52

Misogynist and racist (even if it's 'just banter' hmm)
Poor personal hygiene
Irresponsible with money
Tight with money
Lack of ambition/motivation

Kernowgal Sun 18-Feb-18 10:45:01

Meanness - as in lack of kindness or generosity. I quickly learnt not to ask my ex for help, whereas he thought nothing of demanding something of me. He was incredibly tight with money.

It has had a lasting effect on me - I hate asking people for help or to do something for me, because I expect them to respond like he did. I will always try to help if I can, because it's a nice thing to do.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot Sun 18-Feb-18 10:45:45

Laziness. I despise a lazy person.

ScreamingValenta Sun 18-Feb-18 10:48:30

Lack of intelligence.

SJM72 Sun 18-Feb-18 10:52:50

I'm going with intelligence too.

I'm massively attracted to intelligence. It's a must.

smoking

Littledrummergirl Sun 18-Feb-18 10:55:15

Farting and a lack of patience.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 18-Feb-18 10:59:32

Yes to a lack of intelligence, also wit and humour,
Bigotry, small mindedness,
Excessive farting,
a very small flaccid penis
and a penchant for Larping.

crazymumofthree Sun 18-Feb-18 10:59:40

For me it's

Smoker (although DH was a smoker when we first got together he has given up now - luckily he ticked every other box! But if I was to ever date again hmmI don't think I would be so relaxed on that)

Lack of enthusiasm/ drive

Awkwardness - I am a quiet shy person so I prefer to be around louder/ less awkward people to get me out my shell.

No hygiene and a messy person generally

Not a family oriented person - DH is super close to his family, this is one of the main things that attracted me to him and he is an amazing dad! Perhaps more important because my mum and Granma live so far (although my dad and brother are very close by and we see them weekly!)

Smoker
Religious
Too noisy
Arrogance
Vanity

SersioulycanitgetWORSE Sun 18-Feb-18 11:08:47

Extreme behaviour on anything, politics, religion, sport...

Lack of empathy, sympathy, emotional intelligence.
Being tight, materialistic, sweating small stuff, too anal about house work.. Bossy critical...

Toilet humour..

notmyredditusername365 Sun 18-Feb-18 11:22:01

Oh yes, extreme fussiness and faffing.

I suppose I'm really talking about the things that become apparent after you've lived with someone a while or had children with them.

HildaZelda Sun 18-Feb-18 11:22:09

Smoking is a huge one for me. I had an ex who smoked and I hated it. Every time we were together, my clothes and hair stank. His car absolutely reeked. Fortunately DH has never smoked so it was never a problem.

Mindhunter Sun 18-Feb-18 11:22:54

Bad hygiene
Selfishness
Pushy about sex
Over touchy feely
Needy
In caring
Believes women are always up for it
Racist but it's banter
Sexist
Lazy
Possessive

Think I just described my ex.

GaraMedouar Sun 18-Feb-18 11:28:11

I would have to say laziness. My exP was very laid back and cheery/always pleasant (I initially found that attractive and opposite to my stressiness!) however I realised he was so laidback he was horizontal - lazy in house, and also didn’t contribute into household funds (so complete cocklodger for over 5 years!).

parklives Sun 18-Feb-18 11:29:03

All of the above.....I can't believe now I'm separated from my husband how I will ever find anyone who doesn't have at least one hideous trait! Not that I'm much of a catch myself!
My STBEXH did have:
Mean with money and that goes hand in hand with meanness in bed in my experience
Emotional distant (which actually suited me blush)

But he was clean!

TeaAndCake Sun 18-Feb-18 11:32:13

Vanity
Picky eater

SteffiMuse Sun 18-Feb-18 11:34:56

I've just ended a very short dating fling because
He couldn't drive
Lives with parents in mid 30s
Never had a relationship lasting more than a few weeks
His mum did all his cooking, cleaning washing
No ambition
So unattractive to me

ByTheSea Sun 18-Feb-18 17:49:14

Lack of intelligence
Racism
Misogyny
Lack of empathy
Very overweight
Bad or no sense of humour

RaspberryRipple63 Sun 18-Feb-18 17:50:58

Very picky eaters (I don't mean someone who won't eat oysters,or offal,I'm talking about more 'every day' foods like bread,pasta,potatoes,vegetables).
Someone who is very religious,to the point that their religion dictates what they think,say and do.
Laziness. Won't lift a finger to help around the house.
Sexist. As far as he's concerned,men are superior to women in every way.
Poor personal hygiene.
Secretiveness and lying about things.

All of the above,except poor personal hygiene,are some of the reasons that I am no longer with my ex.

RaspberryRipple63 Sun 18-Feb-18 17:52:10

Oh forgot one,no sense of humour. Not finding things that I find funny at all funny. In fact,not finding ANYTHING funny,full stop.

winterinmadeira Sun 18-Feb-18 17:54:04

Bad teeth and/or hygiene
Meanness
Faffing
No sense of humour

RaspberryRipple63 Sun 18-Feb-18 17:55:37

Keep remembering more! Meanness with money. Always expecting me to put my hand in my pocket.

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