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If a man cheats on his wife, how much at fault would you say the OW is?

(149 Posts)
Theromanempire Sat 17-Feb-18 21:46:56

I'm really struggling to support my friend whose DH has repeatedly cheated on her with the same woman.

My friend is blaming the OW even though she admits her DH instigated contact every time they slept together. She said she wants to go and find her and beat the sh*t out of her...this woman is single. I just wish my friend would direct her anger to her dick of a DH and stop forgiving him!

Would you blame the OW?

Fekko Sat 17-Feb-18 21:47:55

50:50 is say.

CluedoAddict Sat 17-Feb-18 21:49:03

50:50 also. Your friend needs to wake up and kick him to the kerb.

Schlimbesserung Sat 17-Feb-18 21:49:52

They are both awful, but he is the one who is cheating on his wife. She hasn't made vows to the wife, he has.
It's probably easier to deal with a wicked women "stealing" her husband, but I suspect that he took his own trousers off and could have chosen not to.

Perendinate Sat 17-Feb-18 21:50:04

It isnt a case of he gets 73% and she gets 27%

They are each 100% responsible for their own actions.

So the husband is 100% responsible for being a lying toad who is shitting all over his wife by shagging around and the ow is 100% responsible for the morally dubious decision to fuck a married bloke.

CotswoldStrife Sat 17-Feb-18 21:50:22

50:50 here too.

Lilonetwo Sat 17-Feb-18 21:50:42

More the husbands fault. Husband 80:20 OW

Kpo58 Sat 17-Feb-18 21:50:54

Depends if the OW knows if the man is in a relationship or not. If she knows that he is in a relationship, then 50/50 blame, if she doesn't know, then she can't be blamed.

SoleBizzz Sat 17-Feb-18 21:50:58

What if he or she is DH or DW family or best friend?

pollythedolly Sat 17-Feb-18 21:52:22

Husbands fault. It's his marriage, not the OW. If she's married, on her part 100% her fault as it's her marriage.

LanaKanesTerfyVagina Sat 17-Feb-18 21:52:24

In your friend's situation??

Mainly the H.


Cos he's doing most of the running, and the OW could be being told all sorts of bullshit.

pollythedolly Sat 17-Feb-18 21:53:24

You are responsible for your own marriage. Not talking about those cheated on but those that cheat. Own it.

tinydancer88 Sat 17-Feb-18 21:53:32

Neither has covered themselves in glory, but the husband is the one who has broken his marriage vows.

Nifflerbowtruckle Sat 17-Feb-18 21:53:34

Both responsible for their actions but the husband made the vows. It is much easier to hate someone who you don't know/trust. I can imagine hating/blaming someone you love, trust and opened up to is much harder.

thegreatbeyond Sat 17-Feb-18 21:53:39

It depends. Does the woman know the truth? Men who cheat spin a lot of lies to both parties.

RaingodsWithZippos Sat 17-Feb-18 21:53:59

I would blame the man who took the vows. I unwittingly became the OW years ago when my ex told me he was divorced, he introduced me to his parents, brother, friends and colleagues, and we went out to places around the city quite openly, no secrecy or going to out of the way places. Turns out the only person who didn't know was his wife. Nobody thought fit to tell me he was still married and I had no way of knowing differently - he had a mobile (back in the days when it was unusual to have one) and I could call him any time and he would answer, and I believed he lived with his parents, because we would go there regularly and up to "his" bedroom, which certainly looked as though he lived there, and his mum and dad were always home when we were there. It was quite the double life.

A long way of saying, it's not always possible for the woman to know that she is the OW.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 17-Feb-18 21:55:37

If she knows he has a wife it's just as much her fault so 50.50.
If she doesn't. It's not her fault at all. I mean when you think about it anyone of us could be "the other women" and be totally oblivious. You hear of these things, don't you.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Sat 17-Feb-18 21:55:53

Husband's fault 100%. But ow is still a skanky human being!

I'm going against the grain here. But the husband is mostly to blame! He is the one that made the vows to love, cherish etc not the other woman.

I'm not saying if I was single I would get involved with a married man. I wouldn't because I personally feel it would be wrong. But some women don't care, have a different set of morals or are gullible and are fed a pack of lies by the cheating husband, so technically the opportunity could always be there for the husbands to cheat. Even if the OW is throwing herself at him, he can say no!

Husband is to blame!

Though I can understand her being more pissed off with her if there are children involved but then I think I would be more pissed odd with the husband for doing that to his children.

So yes I would be pissed off with her but the blame would solely be with the husband.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 17-Feb-18 21:58:45

Husband. I hope you are also supporting her in her search to find a bloody good divorce lawyer.

Screaminginsideme Sat 17-Feb-18 21:58:52

What about when the ow is supposed to be the wife’s BFF?

Bluntness100 Sat 17-Feb-18 22:00:16

The husband, if it wasn't that woman it would be some,other woman. She's irrelevant. It's him who made the vows and broke them. Your friend should be dealing with him and him alone.

MsAwesomeDragon Sat 17-Feb-18 22:00:42

My sister was an ow for a short while, but she didn't know he was married, and when she found out she stopped the relationship immediately. In that situation the ow should take no responsibility.

Obviously if she knows then she takes some blame, but she isn't the one who broke any promises, he is.

PinkHeart5914 Sat 17-Feb-18 22:00:56

50/50 Imo, the other woman knows she is shagging somebody else partner so she’s no better than the man

Theromanempire Sat 17-Feb-18 22:02:44

The OW was fully aware of his status when it first started...she knew my friend aswell (they weren't friends but were acquaintances so no real betrayal that way). My friend was quite venomous about her which shocked me yet I have not heard her talking about her bastard DH in that way (I wish she would get angry at him as he so deserves it!!)

I just don't get it confused

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