Advanced search

Threads in this topic are removed 90 days after the thread was started.

Would you move to a new area without knowing people there?

(19 Posts)
MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 10:39:21

I seperated from h about 3 years ago. He is in London still and 3 children 8,6,4 with me.
H lives in the (was) family home in London and I moved to SW to be near my mum and rented. H also owns a property he rents out and has left it to me to sell and says I can have most of the proceeds to buy sonewhere.
I came here not knowing anyone and 3 years on still dont have any close friends. I just know people at work. Kids fairly settled in school but the primary and secondary here are both failing.
I would not be able to afford to buy anywhere decent without a mortgage and being on a fairly low income probably wouldnt get much of one by myself.
Origionally I am from the midlands and still have family in contacts there.
I would like to be a bit nearer to London (currenly 3.5 hours).
I am thinking of returning to the midlands now but further down from my sister and old friends (Shrewsbury area).
I'm hoping to sell for about 160k but there is nothing available where we are atm.
Am I taking a huge risk thinking this way?

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 10:41:39

Ps I am not worried about myself. I'm independant and used to moving and spent a lot of time oversead by myself. More worried how the kids will cope. They would be nearer to their cousins.

Kingsclerelass Tue 13-Feb-18 10:51:21

I'd talk to your DCs. How do they feel? Do they want to stay? Do they like the lifestyle, or would they rather be near their cousins. I guess they were born in London so the SW must have been a big change for them too.

Moving is expensive and stressful so perhaps you could use the money instead to develop some social life for you where you are. Set some time and a weekly amount aside for you.

Having said that, I moved to the Midlands from the south after DS was born, to be with his father, hated every waking second of it, got terribly homesick & depressed, and had to leave for my sanity's sake, so I do understand. Sometimes you just need to go home. flowers

Snowydaysarehere Tue 13-Feb-18 10:53:34

We moved with dc and none of us knowing anyone. Dc new schools and new surroundings - think from country to seaside!! We all settled and dc have new hobbies and lots of friends!

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 11:03:35

Thankyou. I have not spoken to them yet really. I think the 8 year old is mosy settled so migt be more difficult. The others not so. I just feel there are few prospects for us here and our closest large town is further away from London.

Snowydaysarehere Tue 13-Feb-18 11:25:22

We bought the dc a Hudl so they could keep in touch with old friends which they did for a while, sort of weaned off them when made new ones! I haven't made any friends - but had none before either so no difference! Life is good, your dc are young enough to settle. My teen dc moved too from their df over 40 miles away and love it also! Dc are surprisingly adaptable - it's us who worry!

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 11:40:02

Thanks for encouraging words snowy. Thats good to know. I worry it will be harder as they get older.

Snowydaysarehere Tue 13-Feb-18 11:52:43

If you focus on the positives of the move the dc will follow suit!! My dd's 11+12 wouldn't have been able to go to the cinema alone from the old place /Park etc - they see how 'cool' it is where we are now! Tbh though, ds 6 then cried for a few weeks at bedtime until he settled. We did his bedroom first as he requested it and it seemed to work! Good luck! Maybe you can use fun times with relatives as a carrot??

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 11:54:35

Yes Snowy. My sister's children and mine get on well. Similar age. They just hardly see each other atm x

HildaZelda Tue 13-Feb-18 16:27:46

Kids are still very young OP so plenty of time for them to adjust and settle somewhere new. I would say though if you are going to move, then I'd try do it before they start secondary as it will be a lot harder when they're older.

OutyMcOutface Tue 13-Feb-18 16:29:37

I have a few times, about to do it again. I don't see the issue.

PurpleCrazyHorse Tue 13-Feb-18 16:35:27

We moved about 2.5hrs from where we were living when DD was in Y1. She settled very quickly and made new friends fast. I was pregnant and didn't move jobs so was able to get stuck into things at school and made some nice mum friends.

If DD had been older then we would have chatted about it with her but ultimately we would have moved regardless because it was better for DH's work and therefore better for us financially too. DD does have quite an outgoing personality and for the first few years here I did good sized birthday parties so she could invite people (and she then got some reciprocal invites too).

Gowgirl Tue 13-Feb-18 16:38:31

I did the other way left the hell of a small fishing town with family close by and moved back to london! Better schools, happier me, more opportunities for everyone and better for dhs work.

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 17:16:35

Gow, its a small town here too. Like a seaside retirement sort of place. 😔
I've hinted at it today to dcs 6&4 and they think it's a good idea! Dd 2 does not really have close friends like dd1 and I think she feels a bit left out sonetimes bless her.

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 17:18:47

Purple, I'd be leaving my job and would have a few weeks before looking for a new one I think. I work in Teaching Support and SEN so mostly only work term time anyway.

Backenette Tue 13-Feb-18 17:19:56

Yes I’ve done it several times to various bits of the UK and different countries.

Makingworkwork Tue 13-Feb-18 17:25:35

Not the question you asked but have you seen a solicitor about the splitting of properties to make sure you and the children are getting a fair deal.

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 13-Feb-18 17:30:07

Makingitwork. No, I have not gone in for divorce and didn't really want to make him move out. He has been pretty good financially. But he is on a vg salary (above 70k) and has a good pension and bonuses. My salary is below 13,000 atm 😖

LRDtheFeministDragon Tue 13-Feb-18 17:35:06

Yes. I did. I moved in with a housemate I'd met about 5 times (which seems a bit mad looking back!), but aside from her I didn't know a soul.

I did find it very lonely - I'd just separated from my husband too - and my new job was very solitary. About three months in I remember getting really upset and asking my old group of friends for advice, and one said casually 'why don't you just pop down the pub with some mates for an evening'. I remember being utterly furious, which was a total overreaction, but it really stuck with me that she just had no idea how isolated I'd got.

That was three years ago and now I know lots of people, met my DP, etc., but I did have to work at it in a way you don't if you move somewhere knowing people.

If nothing else, you might find there are local MNers who'll have a coffee with you!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now