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What would you do? Walk away or pay up?

(56 Posts)
mypoorbum Tue 23-Jan-18 17:11:14

firstly I've name changed. I am a regular poster. I'm probably going to be flamed but just need advice.

Background very briefly - my parents split up when I was 6. My dad remarried twice and had 2 children with 3rd wife. My dad died just after christmas, without a will so everything goes to his current wife and thus to their children. Fair enough I can live with that... except...

When I was very little - I must have been because it was before he left my mum, he promised me a particular piece of furniture when I grew up. He often mentioned that promise through my childhood until Iwas 12 or 13 then stopped talkign about it - just becaue I suppose things changed. So many of my memories of him are tied up with that bit of furniture. I loved it - I still love it.

I pulled together the courage to ask step mum today if she'd be willing to let me have it as it was the only thing I ever wanted from him. She says I can but its worth £2000 so that's what I need to pay for it plus removal costs whcih since they live a long way away would be around another £700.

I COULD at a big stretch afford it but and this sounds so stupid I don't know if it would ever feel the same as him giving it to me. It would still be the same thing, it would still be mine but would paying for it taint it,make it feel just not the same as if he'd just passed it on to me or even if she'd been willing to do so.

Feeling so conflicted. Sitting here in tears. One part of me wants it regardless. Another part of me thinks I'd never enjoy it if I had to pay for it because it wasn't given to me as he promised Another thinks I should just forget it and walk away.

I never knew it would be so valuable either -what she asked for was a complete shock sad They are OK for money - she works full time, the mortgage is cleared, dd s grown up and working full time, ds is still at home though.

Oh god I'm makingnot a bit of sense. This is insane feeling so sad

TheQueenOfWands Tue 23-Jan-18 17:14:54

I'd pay for it so I had it.

But that would be the last I saw of her.

Cleanerswin Tue 23-Jan-18 17:16:49

I think if I was you, which I’m not, I’d walk away. You’re right it’s not the same as if he’s given it. FWIW if I was her, I’d give it to you. I think she’s being ungenerous.

HongKongPhooeyNo1Superstar Tue 23-Jan-18 17:17:51

I'd leave it and I would never speak to her again.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Tue 23-Jan-18 17:17:54

sad how could she do that to you?

Graphista Tue 23-Jan-18 17:19:10

For starters don't accept her "valuation" get an independent one.

Beyond that it's your choice depends how much you want the piece for its own sake or as a point of principle.

endofthelinefinally Tue 23-Jan-18 17:19:30

I am so sorry.
This happened to me.
I couldnt afford it, but 20 years later I still feel so sad.
Everyone should make a will and make a new one after a marriage or change in circumstances.
We had to update ours when our son died. Terribly distressing and painful, but it had to be done.

Knittedfairies Tue 23-Jan-18 17:21:39

I second getting the furniture valued independently.

mimibunz Tue 23-Jan-18 17:24:54

So very sorry OP. You won’t regret paying for it and then never see her again. She’s a mean-spirited person! flowers

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Tue 23-Jan-18 17:25:06

Has she always been such a twat?

lovelystar Tue 23-Jan-18 17:25:13

I would get your own valuation on it just in case and then pay for it so you have it and it's yours forever then, and owe nothing to her or family. You can then pass it down to your own children or relatives (for free of you wish). I would definitely make sure I never made the effort to keep in contact with her though.

Allthebestnamesareused Tue 23-Jan-18 17:25:14

Do you have any idea what your father's estate is worth? If he died intestate ie without a will then his wife will obviously inherit anything owned as joint tenants or in trust for her but of the rest she would inherit £250k plus personal property. She'd then get a life interest in half the rest but the other half of the rest would be split between his children including you.

Penfold007 Tue 23-Jan-18 17:25:25

If your father lived in England or Wales and his estate is in excess of 250k his wife gets that, the remainder of his estate is divided equally between his surviving children. Might be worth speaking to a solicitor and getting details of probate. I'm sorry for your loss

Penfold007 Tue 23-Jan-18 17:25:50

Cross post, sorry

chipsandpeas Tue 23-Jan-18 17:26:00

You will be entitled to a share of his estate if no will has been left I'd speak to a lawyer

Glittermakeseverythingbetter Tue 23-Jan-18 17:35:19

Gosh she sounds like a bitch. I would also seek legal advice as pps have suggested.

MavisPike Tue 23-Jan-18 17:35:37

to be honest it doesn't matter what its valued at - that's the amount she wants you to pay
I think its mean of her but i'd pay it if I could

DextroDependant Tue 23-Jan-18 17:39:41

Wow what a heartless woman. I think I would pay if I could afford it.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 23-Jan-18 17:41:28

What on earth is the item if she reckons it's worth £2000 now?

She sounds absolutely horrible. I don't know how she could treat her husband's child like that.

Notasperfectasallothermners Tue 23-Jan-18 17:42:57

Def see a solicitor. Most do half hour free initial appointment to see if you have a case.

mypoorbum Tue 23-Jan-18 17:49:28

Thank you all for replying. I don't want money, I just want this one thing sad

There is a very similar item on ebay at the moment for just under £2k so its possible that her estimation is not too far out.

I've decided not to respond until Thursday afternoon to give myself time to weigh it up. I think I'll end up paying for it - doesn't seem right paying for memories

HazelBite Tue 23-Jan-18 17:50:11

I have a few pieces of nice antique furniture. I don't know what the item is but unless its a piece of chippendale I doubt if it is worth 2000, (she is trying it on)
However its what she wants for it, it is a tricky one , what is your relationship like with her?
Was a will made, or did he die intestate?

hmmwhatatodo Tue 23-Jan-18 17:59:55

She sounds awful. I would also take other people’s advice and speak to a solicitor if she is behaving like this. She should already be offering you things, not expecting payment!

coffeeforone Tue 23-Jan-18 18:00:40

I think I would pay it. Does she know it was promised to you? If yes she is a heartless bitch

Chrisinthemorning Tue 23-Jan-18 18:05:24

I would pay it but would then never speak to her again.
What a bitch. I’m really angry on your behalf.

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