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Does anyone wish they'd had a smaller family?

(446 Posts)
Busybeesbutt Mon 22-Jan-18 19:09:16

I don't at present I'm pregnant with my 5th. However my sil is sticking with 1 as she thinks life is simpler and anymore she'd be unhappy. Does anyone regret having more than 1?

DriggleDraggle Mon 22-Jan-18 19:12:58

i dont.
i have 2 and i wish i'd had 3.

if she doesnt feel that more than one is right for her she's right. everyone should, ideally, have the right number of children for them.

my sister has 1 as does my friend. they are both extremely happy and neither of them feel they made a mistake.

PinkHeart5914 Mon 22-Jan-18 19:15:09

I’ve just had my 3rd and me and dh hope to have a 4th.

I grew up with a huge family and that’s what I want, Dh grew up an only child and while he had a nice upbringing as an only child he has always wanted lots of dc.

Busybeesbutt Mon 22-Jan-18 19:16:51

I actually think we'll have another one if all goes well this time. I'm one of 3 but there was a bit difference between me and number 2 and 3

Idontmeanto Mon 22-Jan-18 19:18:40

I have 3. I love and cherish them all but do regret that we can’t offer more opportunities because of finances.

Idontmeanto Mon 22-Jan-18 19:19:28

Have just been talking to dd about the cost of university and feel quite sad.

GreenSeededGrape Mon 22-Jan-18 19:20:38

I have 2 and remember fondly how easy one was grin

But i knew 2 was our number and feel 3 would be too many for us.

Crumbs1 Mon 22-Jan-18 19:24:21

Six is just perfect, in my view.

eastlondoner Mon 22-Jan-18 19:31:59

I have one and it feels right for me at the moment. smile

trilbydoll Mon 22-Jan-18 19:33:49

I have 2 and I like that they entertain each other but the thought of being outnumbered is the stuff of nightmares for me grin

retainertrainer Mon 22-Jan-18 19:39:12

We have one and it’s absolutely right for us (for many reasons-financial,medical to name 2). Each to their own.

Don’t judge your sil for sticking to one and hopefully she won’t judge you for having 6.

Busybeesbutt Mon 22-Jan-18 19:39:44

I wasn't judging her

formerbabe Mon 22-Jan-18 19:42:56

I have two. I don't regret the number of children I have. Two suits me. I doubt I'd enjoy having three or more children. I'd feel I wouldn't be able to give them all sufficient time and attention. On top of that, I'm really just too lazy to want to do all the extra work that would come with another child!

Sharpandshineyteeth Mon 22-Jan-18 19:45:22

The older my DC get, the more I wish I had more money for them. And also more time to spend individually with them. They need so much more than cuddles and soft play now.

retainertrainer Mon 22-Jan-18 19:46:51

You’re asking if anyone’s regretted having more than one child,I can’t imagne anyone would say yes. It comes across that you’re reinforcing your decision to have a large family against your sil’s choice of one.

Apologies if I’m way off the mark there but that’s my take on it. It’s great if there’s truly no judgement.

Busybeesbutt Mon 22-Jan-18 19:48:30

Way off the mark there's no judgement

Mayhemmumma Mon 22-Jan-18 19:49:34

After much deliberation on my part we tried for a 3rd for ages without success. In a way I think I am relieved because two keeps me busy and they're expensive!, selfishly I want time for my job and time for me to exercise and take care of myself - a haircut not feeling like a holiday! We don't have any support so it feels like a lot of juggle sometimes. I think so long as you're happy it doesn't matter. Five would be absolutely far too many for me!

Sparklingbrook Mon 22-Jan-18 19:49:51

I have two. Two is plenty. They are teenagers and they take up a lot of room and cost a lot of money.

Raaaaaah Mon 22-Jan-18 19:51:02

We have three. Obviously I adore all of them and would never be without or wish them away but in hindsight 3 is too many for us. I always feel like I am not giving any of them the time or attention that would enable them to really flourish. That may be due to the personalities of our children as opposed to the number of children though. I never feel sorry for only children, I think in many ways they have a great gig.

Raaaaaah Mon 22-Jan-18 19:51:55

Oh and no family support here which I really do think makes a huge difference.

Octopus37 Mon 22-Jan-18 20:06:02

I'm happy wiith 2, dont think I could have coped with anymore. TBH sometimes envy people with 1 cause they seem to have the time to do things properly and focus properly on their child and give everything more time and attention. I know parents of onlys who have a lovely bond with their child. I'm not saying that you dont have a bond with them when there's more than one child but I think it is different. Also I suppose if we'd stopped at one we would have had more money, a cleaner and tidier house, I would have got back to work sooner etc but on balance 2 was right for us.

whattoweartomorrow Mon 22-Jan-18 20:27:43

Interestingly, I know a lot of people who regret coming from a large family but few parents who would openly say they regretted having as many children as they have.

One friend who is one of seven said she felt overlooked and bullied by her siblings: her mother doesn't know she feels that way and she is quite close to her family but wouldn't have a large family herself.

So I think most people on some level actually recreate their family of origin (if they were happy) rather than thinking about what would make their children happy, so I doubt many people will express regret - equally Im an only child and while it wouldn't be the end of the world if we only have one, I have a slight preference for two or three because of this. I wonder if parents would change their minds if they realised their children were affected negatively by their family size one way or another but anecdotally it seems we're mostly driven by our own experiences.

GreenSeededGrape Mon 22-Jan-18 20:33:12

I think you're absolutely right there @what. I'm one of 2 and dh one of 3. I'm very happy with 2 but dh wanted 3. We both had lovely childhoods.

Thankfully dh now agrees our 2 are right for us so we're both on the same page.

awankstainonhumanity Mon 22-Jan-18 20:34:15

whattoweartomorrow I'm one of 5 and it was truly awful, even though on paper you wouldn't see anything wrong.

I think parents very rarely take in to consideration the feelings of their existing children.

I'm only having one. I'm my mother's daughter, and though she had 5, she could only really be a mother to one at a time. I've learnt from her mistake.

Farmerswife36 Mon 22-Jan-18 20:35:37

I have 4 and would ideally like 10 .

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