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Packed up my dreams today

(101 Posts)
GivingUpMyDream Thu 18-Jan-18 23:47:28

I've always wanted to be a photographer, since I was a little girl. I spent my inheritance from a family member passing on a good camera, did photography at college and got good grades. In the city I grew up in I used to be able to find work, people would hire me. I've done food photography for a start up restaurant, gig photography for a few bands and a wedding but mainly pet portraits for people. Since I moved to the countryside 5 years ago I've had no work, noone even glances at my stuff because their friend/relative/colleague has a camera. I cant afford to rent a studio, I'm stuck working at a supermarket, a job I loved till the bullying started and now I dread going, I always thought photography would save me from this. I remember taking my first photograph with my first camera age 5 FFS.
Well tonight, after getting my one year old to bed I've packed everything away and closed down my online portfolio. My laptop has broken and I can't afford to replace it and get photoshop etc all over again for a dead end. My camera, lenses, props, hard drives, the lot are all in big boxes by my front door ready to be sold or taken to charity. Thats the end of a chapter of my life. I'm just a checkout cashier now.
I don't know why I've wrote this really but I needed to tell someone and I don't have friends I can talk to anymore. Thankyou if you got this far.

CoffeebyIV Thu 18-Jan-18 23:49:29

Didnt want to read and run. I’m so sorry to read you have needed to take this step. Hopefully things will begin to get better over the next few years and you will be able to go back to your dreams flowers

BulletFox Thu 18-Jan-18 23:50:44

Awww I want to give you a hug.

Do you HAVE to sell it right now?

BrutusMcDogface Thu 18-Jan-18 23:51:45

Oh, that's so sad. Can't you keep it all for the future? You could get back into it! Maybe branch out into other aspects of photography?

I'm sorry, this probably doesn't help as it was obviously a difficult decision to make. flowers

Homemadearmy Thu 18-Jan-18 23:54:17

It's awful when reality bites isn't it. I think it's hard to make money from photography now as everyone has cameras etc. Can you not just do it as a hobby for fun. Let it bring you joy.

Earlyriser84 Thu 18-Jan-18 23:54:41

flowers

It perhaps won't always be this way though.

Could you keep your equipment ?

GivingUpMyDream Thu 18-Jan-18 23:56:19

I've done loads of areas of photography, people and animals are what I thought I was good at though. I've just packed it up to get rid of because bear having it sat there. It's ridiculous but it's almost like it's laughing at me for failing, just rubbing it in and reminding me.

Crazycatladyx5 Thu 18-Jan-18 23:58:17

Sorry to hear you feel like this. It doesn't mean your dream has to end....just put it on the backburner for now.
Don't sell all your stuff. Put it away in the attic for now. When your baby is older you will have more time to follow your dreams & may regret getting rid of all your equipment. My boyfriend works in IT but is also a photographer....he doesn't make enough money to give up his day job..in fact he spends more than he makes going on photo shoots....but he loves it so he won't stop. One day you will be able to get a new laptop and edit your pics again.
Sending you big hugs. Xxx

AnnieAnoniMouse Fri 19-Jan-18 00:00:48

Please don’t sell it or give it away. Just put it out of sight in the loft or back of cupboards. It’s all horribly expensive to replace and you will regret it.

Sometime life is fucking hard, one year olds are beautiful, but draining, you’ve got bullies st work... now is NOT the time to be making such s big decision. Just hide it out of sight fir now 🌷

GivingUpMyDream Fri 19-Jan-18 00:02:42

I don't have an attic sadly so nowhere to hide it away. I'm stuck in the place my ex and I got when I became pregnant, was supposed to be our ideal family home and then he cheated while I was pregnant and I have no financial way out. Sharing a room with DD so haven't really got the room for anything useless. (Long story but no I can't move out).
I wouldn't mind not making enough to give up my job, the idea was always to be a photographer but if I had a second job fair enough, but I can't get any work at all now. Nothing at all. I think it's just the nail in the coffin for the way I've been feeling and I need this reminder of how useless I can be gone.

RockinHippy Fri 19-Jan-18 00:02:48

You live in the countryside, You are no doubt surrounded by stunning photo opportunities. It's clearly part of who you are, so don't give up on it so easily. Treat it as your downtime, a hobby to keep you sane when life gives you lemons. Enter competitions. I really feel it would be a mistake to sell your equipment. Your laptop breaking seems to have been the catalyst for this & though I can understand that when you can't afford repairs, but see if you can find something else to sell instead to repair your laptop. Things will get better & I suspect you will regret it if yiu sell your equipment.

AethelflaedofMercia Fri 19-Jan-18 00:02:59

Pease don't get rid of all your equipment, unless you really need the money.

Is there some other way you can make use of your knowledge and experience? Run photography classes or start a photography club in your nearest town? Offer images or designs to people publishing ebooks? Offer a portfolio of photos to local tourist attractions?

It sounds as if it's something you do for love as much as money, so I think you should keep doing it in any way you can.

64BooLane Fri 19-Jan-18 00:04:24

Much sympathy to you. Don’t sell it! Or if you do sell it, please don’t give up hope for something more than a job where you’re not happy. Things can change.

And you’re not “just” anything.

flowers brew

glitterglitters Fri 19-Jan-18 00:05:29

No no no no. Please don't give up. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and reevaluate our dreams.

Have you tried going to the local paper and offering your services. They don't tend to have staff photographers anymore. Also Instagram and get your pictures out there.

Please don't give up. Imagine telling your little kid that "mummy had a dream"

I got stuck in sales for years when all I ever wanted to do was write. I wrote it off but now here I am writing for a living. It doesn't earn much but it pays the bills and can grow and I can tell my kids that they can hold onto their dreams.

Please reconsider xxx

Thistlebelle Fri 19-Jan-18 00:09:38

I agree with Rockin don’t sell your camera.

You’ll regret it.

pallisers Fri 19-Jan-18 00:11:13

I'm sorry that this particular dream is gone (for now).

I'm just a checkout cashier now.

You are a very decent, loving mother working hard to provide for her child in decent circumstances. Because of you, people in the community can get their groceries, can see a face and maybe get a smile. For some people going through your check out, you might be the only social contact they have (my good friend moved to London and told me for months at weekends the only person she spoke to was the shopkeeper - that shopkeeper was important to her). Don't dismiss what you do right now.

Eventually, maybe you won't be a photographer. But maybe you could teach a class at the local adult ed in photography. Or volunteer at a camera club at the school your child will go to some day. Or form a local camera-buff group for like-minded people.

Skills and education and never wasted - even if it is that when the rest of us say "cute dog" in your head you are saying "nice dog but the interesting thing would be getting that crooked ear in the right frame etc" you have a more interesting view of the world because of what you learned.

Be kind to yourself. If you do sell the equipment, so what. There are other cameras and other things in your future. I bet you are young (and anyone younger than me is young to me). there is so much ahead.

May09Bump Fri 19-Jan-18 00:13:27

Don't give up - why don't you work backwards, you love photography then do it as a hobby. See if you can join any clubs - there are also online ones if childcare is a problem. The clubs may lead to contacts that can provide work in the long run.

It sounds like your in a bad place, a lot of avenues have gone the wrong way. Pick one issue and try and work on that. Sorry your having to deal with it on your own - do use mumsnet to help, also maybe CAB for help with finances etc.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 19-Jan-18 00:17:38

I'm so sorry that you're going through this rough time in your life.
But please keep your stuff, and your dreams, somewhere safe so that you can pick them up again when the time is right.
It may take a couple more years, or even until your DC is at school, but I bet you will go back to it.
Big (((hugs))) - things will get better. x

SockUnicorn Fri 19-Jan-18 00:19:13

flowers

please put your camera in the loft or the bottom of the wardrobe and give it some time. put that dream to sleep and just wake it up when needed. or when you want decent photos of your little girl. or even when she wants her first camera. please don't give it up just rest it. "this too shall pass". Sending love

MakeItStopNeville Fri 19-Jan-18 00:22:12

Don’t get rid of it! If you need to store it while you mend your broken heart, do that. And then perhaps start doing photography just for you. Take photos of your kids or your life and try and get your passion back. It doesn’t need to make you money if it makes your life a little more pleasurable. Chin up!

sheldonesque Fri 19-Jan-18 00:27:31

Don't sell your dreams flower.

Life has a funny way of surprising you when everything seems bleak flowers

Time40 Fri 19-Jan-18 00:27:40

Please, please, please, please, please don't sell your stuff. Don't. Don't do it. Life may well get easier in the future, and you will be able to pick it up again. Don't give up your dream - it would be a tragedy.

timeisnotaline Fri 19-Jan-18 00:28:06

You are the single mum of a one year old who hates her job and I don’t think it sounds like you have much family support- it’s a very difficult situation to be in, please don’t get rid of all your photography equipment! Right now you are probably too tired and sad to be able to imagine all the possible futures, but they are there. Keep enough at least so you can go out and take photos on a weekend and do what you love for now.

Tartyflette Fri 19-Jan-18 00:52:58

If you live in a rural area have you tried advertising in local village magazines? They don't usually cost very much.
Best of luck, don't give up yet please!

OuttamyHair Fri 19-Jan-18 01:00:16

Echoing what has been said before - don’t sell, and if the worst is that you have a great hobby then so be it. It sounds as though you have a lot going on now, so even more important that you keep something you love in your life that you can do for fun and to recharge batteries.

Life will change.

Where are you based? I could do with a photography buddy!

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