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Would you judge this couple? Age gap.

(156 Posts)
OatBrownies Tue 16-Jan-18 08:15:45

18/close to 19 year old woman and 28/close to 29 year old man (almost exact 10yr age gap?)
I'm neither party, but I'm close to one of them and I'm really having to bite my tongue. Would just like to know if others would feel the same way. It's been going on since she was 16, they live together, both have jobs and as far as I can tell she's pretty happy. I just don't feel right about it.

Sparklingbrook Tue 16-Jan-18 08:17:14

I wouldn't judge, no.

Woolfrai Tue 16-Jan-18 08:17:23

I was judged for having that exact age gap at the same age...

Happily married to the same man now, and I could hardly care what anyone else thought.

It should never have been an issue for anyone else.

Woolfrai Tue 16-Jan-18 08:18:05

Sorry, when I say same age, I was just turning 19 when we started our relationship.

wendz86 Tue 16-Jan-18 08:18:08

No I wouldn’t as she’s an adult . One of my best friends dated a man in late 30’s when she was 19/20 . It ended as they wanted different things but didn’t bother me .

Justonedayatatime11 Tue 16-Jan-18 08:19:10

Nope. But then there's 15 years between dp and I

formerbabe Tue 16-Jan-18 08:19:19

There's ten years between me and my oh. I was 23 and he was 33 when we first met.

The most relevant thing is the age at which the youngest person in the relationship was when they first got together IMO...that would determine my reaction to it.

BulletFox Tue 16-Jan-18 08:20:06


DollyMcDolly Tue 16-Jan-18 08:21:12


jusdepamplemousse Tue 16-Jan-18 08:21:35

No, they are both consenting adults from the sounds of it, so unless you are aware of something else not right or a genuine and exploited power imbalance, then no. Are you judging purely because of age?

OatBrownies Tue 16-Jan-18 08:22:02

I'm not sure if I'd feel so "ick" about it if she hadn't been 16 when it started.
I bite my tongue anyway as if they stay together for the next 40+ years I don't want to be the nasty bastard who tried to pull them apart. So I won't be saying anything. Was just wondering if I'm being too judgemental. Appears that's the case!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Tue 16-Jan-18 08:22:20

Given that they are both adults, and that’s not a huge age gap (one of my friends is married to a man 20 years older than she is), what is it about the relationship that makes you not feel right about it? (I’m assuming that there must be something more than just the age gap).

uncoolnn Tue 16-Jan-18 08:23:10

As she is an adult, what exactly has it got to do with anyone else?

user7654321 Tue 16-Jan-18 08:23:18

If she was 16 when the relationship started and I was her mother then yes I would judge. But the older she gets, the less it matters.

OatBrownies Tue 16-Jan-18 08:23:50

there's nothing imbalanced/bad about their relationship as far as I'm aware

AJPTaylor Tue 16-Jan-18 08:24:01

If it were my 16 yr old dd with a 26 yr old i would not be happy.
If it was a 19 year old friend/colleague with a 29 year old wouldnt bat an eyelid.

expatinscotland Tue 16-Jan-18 08:24:55


OatBrownies Tue 16-Jan-18 08:24:56

Not much really. Which is why I'm posting here with very little detail rather than walking around shouting my displeasure at anyone with ears. I've explained above that I'm not going to try and say anything to anyone I was just curious if others would feel the same.

Shakirasma Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:09

YABU 10 years is not a huge gap at all.

whiskyowl Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:16

I would depend on the people.

I know couples with a larger age gap where it isn't an issue at all, and I have known several couples with a smaller one where it's very much a dynamic of older male rescuer and younger female rescuee, which have tended to be quite dysfunctional. I do think the age gap can sometimes be a sign of an unhealthy dynamic, but there is no necessity to that - it can also be completely healthy. Depends on the individuals.

HerbWoman Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:20

I have a friend who, when she was 18 or 19, was seeing a man who was twice her age. They married and are still together, nearly 30 years later.

OatBrownies Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:23

She isn't my dd but is a close family relation

ShirleyPhallus Tue 16-Jan-18 08:25:56

I was 17 with a 30 year old boyfriend and i really wish someone had given me some advice at the time. It was awful.

Chocolate1984 Tue 16-Jan-18 08:26:51

I wouldn't want my 16 year old dating a 26 year old. 19 & 29 more acceptable.

Trills Tue 16-Jan-18 08:26:55

I would think it was pretty gross for a 16 year old to be with a 26 year old, yes.

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