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6yo ds is so rude I'm embarrassed!

(62 Posts)
taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:16:58

My 6 yo ds is so rude, I just don't know what to do!!

Just some examples, he ran into my ankle with his scooter, his response "oh well, it doesn't hurt that much anyway", "GIVE me back my scooter" as I'd taken it away, later apologised but didn't get how he was rude.

Out for breakfast, I asked ds what he'd like to eat "well, I though I'd told you already told you" complete with tutting and smugness.

Anything I say is met with him arguing why it's wrong and how he's right! "Don't put your shoes onto your Tae Kwon Do uniform, the mud won't come out" him "yes it will" me "it won't, your uniform is white" him - "urgh whatever! It will come out"

I pull him up every time he's rude but it's literally to the point I just don't like spending too much time with him! What can I do???

BrandNewHouse Sat 13-Jan-18 12:18:33

Ton of bricks on this one I’m afraid. (Been ther had to do it)

... but you will have to be honest with yourself about who he is mimicking

mnahmnah Sat 13-Jan-18 12:20:12

I think, the technical term, is ‘just being a 6 year old boy’. At least I hope it is that. Because I have one too, who does the same! It’s just a phase, it’s just a phase (repeat...)

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 13-Jan-18 12:20:48

Yes, ton of bricks to stop him... but also on whomever it is he is mimicking.

If it is your partner then you may have a totally different problem!

Good luck

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:21:04

@BrandNewHouse well it certainly isn't me and the only other person he spends time with is his dad... who sends many mixed messages on things, such as ""sorry" isn't a word" maybe it's there, but I'm sick of it!

OfficerVanHalen Sat 13-Jan-18 12:25:15

Are you and his dad still together? Sorry that’s not clear?

DriggleDraggle Sat 13-Jan-18 12:25:23

what about changing how you react?

re the white uniform - ok, but if it is ruined you will have to buy another from your pocket/birthday/christmas money.

breakfast - snotty response = plain toast and no further discussion.

scooter now lives in the loft because he chooses to not consider other people.

also hugely reward appropriate behaviour with lots of praise.

but as well as that side, you need to get to the root of his behaviour. why is he so rude? is it learned behaviour? is it frustration?
not to justify it but because once you understand exactly why someone behaves the way they do, you know the best approach to take.

derangedmermaid Sat 13-Jan-18 12:30:55

Time for a no nonsense bollocking and then a complete turn around of how you react to him being so rude.

If my ds spoke to me like that it would be the death stare, asking him 'excuse me' and seeing if he dared repeat it. If he did the little sod would be straight on the stairs for as long as it took for him to woman up and apologise.

You sound like when he speaks to you like crap you aren't direct with it and don't challenge him.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:32:18

@OfficerVanHalen yes we are,

@DriggleDraggle I don't know why he's like it, he thinks he's amazing! He loves himself so much! And he genuinely thinks he's more intelligent than myself and his father! I'm finding it so tiresome,

He's in his TKD class now and he's the only child out of 40 4-6 year olds that doesn't listen and that gets regularly called out for misbehaviour!

If we're in a group his behaviour is terrible, but when it's just me and him it's usually ok (not this morning though hence why I'm posting as it's just getting worse) his father was saying last night his behaviour is good when he's alone with him, but as a family unit, he's a nightmare and it's so stressful!

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:34:16

@derangedmermaid I've done the "excuse Me" and he'll smartly change the wording so it's got the same amount of syllables if that makes sense. so he's not rude any more.

I've told him that with how rude he's being I don't like being around that rudeness, he doesn't care

derangedmermaid Sat 13-Jan-18 12:35:33

* I don't know why he's like it, he thinks he's amazing! He loves himself so much! And he genuinely thinks he's more intelligent than myself and his father! I'm finding it so tiresome, *

You know when you meet someone's child and they are a dick, and you think 'jaysus how does a ten year old develop into such a dick'.

This is how.

DriggleDraggle Sat 13-Jan-18 12:37:39

might be worth getting outside help.
sometimes you need a fresh pair of eyes on a situation.
there have been a few times i have just been banging my head against a brick wall and found it very helpful to get someone else to see the kids and make some suggestions.
(it is a bit different because they have autism but i think the idea is the same and would equally benefit nt children too)

Figgygal Sat 13-Jan-18 12:37:44

I have a 6yo ds and we have similar in fact he and his friends are all the same.

In terms of TKD can you threaten to take him out for a few weeks if his behaviour doesn't improve? We have a football crazy boy here he goes 3 times a week and do need to threaten football attendance on occasion when nothing else works.

derangedmermaid Sat 13-Jan-18 12:37:51

I've told him that with how rude he's being I don't like being around that rudeness, he doesn't care

Make him care. He's only six.

Like with the scooter incident, or breakfast. I would have no issue lobbing said scooter into the nearest wheelie bin or having him go without his nice breakfast if he's going to be an arse. He needs you to teach him that when he's an arse, you'll respond with a reaction he isn't going to like.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:38:12

@derangedmermaid I know confusedsad and this is why I'm here, I can see he's already on his way there and I hate it! I hate children like that! I'm not like it and wasn't and I don't want him to be

Bluntness100 Sat 13-Jan-18 12:40:44

I don't know why he's like it, he thinks he's amazing! He loves himself so much! And he genuinely thinks he's more intelligent than myself and his father

This is quite an unusual thing to say about a six year old. You talk about him like hes an adult and that you dislike him. Whatever he says or does, he's learning it from someone. Self confidence in kids is a good thing. You should also think he's amazing, why would you wish him to think anything other than that about himself.

You both need to start to teach him respect. And respect goes two ways.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:44:42

@Bluntness100 he's not an adult and I don't think of him as one, but I've never heard a six year old talk of other people the way he does and I love him, I do, but I can't always like his behaviours and I think that's relatively normal.

Both his father and I are trying to show him that when you're rude people don't like you that much, we've spoken to him that he mustn't be rude to people, but I'm not sure if he just doesn't get it when he's rude or not.

I don't know how his mind is functioning, if he genuinely thinks what he's saying isn't rude, so then I don't know how to respond to him, to gently teach or to do as others have said and to be more firm!

notangelinajolie Sat 13-Jan-18 12:44:44

Could he be mimicking or picking up his attitude to you from your partner? Or another child at school? Kids often repeat things they have heard others saying.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:48:23

@notangelinajolie would being called "fat arse" generate this behaviour or being told "make sure mummy does her work outs"

I'm a size 12 so not huge confused

derangedmermaid Sat 13-Jan-18 12:48:37

I really feel for you.

I think you should look into having a zero tolerance approach to when he's rude.

Even the slightest thing, acknowledge it by stating why it's rude and then punish it. I'd stop the TKR.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:52:04

@derangedmermaid I think I'm going to have to, he's out of TKD now and I've said to him how I'm disappointed to watch him being the only child that is told off and more than once too!

He argued with me that he wasn't told off hmm

I've then said that if this behaviour is to continue then TKD is stopping, he's not happy

AuntLydia Sat 13-Jan-18 12:52:35

Does he understand exactly what being rude means? Sounds stupid but with the uniform, 'it's rude to argue with me, take your shoes off now'. With the scooter 'it's rude to refuse to apologise when you've hurt someone'. I think when little kids display that arrogance though it's a facade to hide something else. He knew he'd done wrong hurting you with the scooter so he tried to blag his way through it. Maybe he needs to learn that it's OK to make mistakes, that it's how you behave after that matters. Perhaps he feels insecure in tkd too and that's what this bad behaviour is about? I tend to take a two pronged approach, come down hard on the behaviour but lots of talking about why he's behaving like that.

AuntLydia Sat 13-Jan-18 12:54:30

Just saw how your DH talks to you. Yes this will be a major part of the problem. He is copying a shitty attitude and probably wants to be on the side of the bully so he doesn't cop it too.

taekwondo Sat 13-Jan-18 12:55:11

@AuntLydia that's a very good point, I don't know if teaching what is rude and isn't properly

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 13-Jan-18 12:59:47

AuntLydia's tack might help you start to change his behaviour. Firm, unequivocal and if necessary, backed up with sanction (removal of scooter, plain breakfast etc).

Who called you "fat arse" or mentioned making sure you did your work outs? Whoever that is may well be the person he is copying... that sounds dismissive and rude, lacking in respect for you!

If it is his dad then he, dad, needs to see it and change his behaviour too!

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