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"You're a big lass"

(98 Posts)
Ollivander84 Sat 13-Jan-18 00:50:59

Gah. I hate that phrase angry
I've lost quite a bit of weight and dropped to a size 14, but I'm 5ft 10 and built like I should be lugging sacks of potatoes around or powerlifting. Big shoulders, feet etc

I just cringe every time someone says to me "you're a big girl aren't you?"
I'm never going to be petite or tiny or skinny or delicate or anything women are "meant" to be, and I know some of it is a hang up from stuff family have said

But argh! It makes me feel like a hulking great fat blob sad why do people use it when they actually mean "you're tall". Just say I'm bloody tall

Passthecake30 Sat 13-Jan-18 00:53:47

I'm 6ft... so I get "you're tall" a lot.

I nod and smile. And mentally say "no shit Sherlock" grin

Ollivander84 Sat 13-Jan-18 00:55:37

I don't even get tall confused😭
Just "big"

StopTheRoundabout Sat 13-Jan-18 00:58:01

Apparently, I have child bearing hips hmm
I can't imagine calling a grown woman a big girl. It sounds a bit cringe.

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 01:00:09

It's just really crass to comment in that way and reflects on the person saying it.

And no you're not 'supposed' to be petite.

Ollivander84 Sat 13-Jan-18 01:00:38

Cringe is definitely the word. I feel immediately like I've somehow failed at being dainty and female when they say it or like I'm about 40 stone
It's just not very.. feminine? Sexy? Attractive? Pick a word!

Sn0tnose Sat 13-Jan-18 01:04:32

You've got several options here.
A) yes I am. And you're a rude arsehole.
B) Why on earth do you think that I'd be interested in your opinion?
C) Shall we make a deal? You keep your opinions on my size to yourself and I won't comment about your bad breath/big nose/weird eyebrows
Or D) Fuck off.

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 01:05:21

Olli I've been compared to a sheet of paper (at work!!) as I'm very small.

It's in the mind of the person saying it, it's rude, and doesn't mean you're not feminine, sexy or attractive.

It's just some shitwit going on.

Greensleeves Sat 13-Jan-18 01:06:21

I savaged the last man who called me a big girl. Ripped him a new arsehole. It felt gooooood.

Honestly, how dare people be so fucking rude and condescending?

BulletFox Sat 13-Jan-18 01:06:29

They probably think they're being amusing, actually.

Yeh haha bloody ha

Waddlelikeapenguin Sat 13-Jan-18 01:11:59

No.
You are an amazon flowers

20 yrs on & i can still hear the bastard bar customer telling me i had the biggest arse he'd ever seen. I was a size 16 i dream of being that size now

CranjisMcBasketball Sat 13-Jan-18 01:16:56

My cousins new fella (who I kind of knew through mutual friends) looked at me and said in front of everyone "Jesus Christ! You've put on some weight!" I said back to him "Yes and you are punching way above yours you pasty faced doughnut!" No idea why I said that but it caused a genuine "Oof" sound from those nearby.

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth Sat 13-Jan-18 01:46:17

Ok, but who says this?

Be a fucker and give a 'measured' reply back. Like, you being old, or bald or grey.

Or a little Dull

Or

Not really into books
Of course not into your looks
Not so politically aware

A whole host of passive aggressive insults to use

CaledonianQueen Sat 13-Jan-18 02:20:38

I hear you OP, I too am 5"10 and have had the 'big girl' comment from everyone from my Gran and Dad, to rude arseholes on nights out. It used to make me so angry! I used to think it was my weight, but they still called me a 'big girl' when I was a size 8-10 (those were the days).

I don't get it anymore as I am wheelchair bound now, I miss being able to see above the heads of most people when out shopping. I am a teacher and I perfected my teacher stare at any asshole who dared call me a big girl.

My dh is 5"8 and very nearly got dumped for telling me he was 'used to petiter girls', my goodness he regretted that lol, he still apologises for it today!

Greensleeves Sat 13-Jan-18 02:22:05

CaledonianQueen I hope he knows he was lucky to escape with his bollocks for that one!

CaledonianQueen Sat 13-Jan-18 02:27:37

Greensleaves he certainly does! He has made up for it by being a fantastic husband and Daddy, although it has been brought up several times during conversations over the years and I reminded him how close he was to being dumped! He cringes looking back now!

Greensleeves Sat 13-Jan-18 02:36:01

Aw, he sounds like a good egg really grin

mamamalt Sat 13-Jan-18 03:21:21

Models have to be this height. Some of, what is considered to be, the most beautiful people in the world are very tall in real life. Google Taylor swift and strut those long legs!!
Ps I get that this doesn’t help the terrible ideals we’re all held to, it’s light hearted but please don’t feel like you’re not enough because of stupid comments made by stupider people

HuskyMcClusky Sat 13-Jan-18 03:26:34

Calling women ‘big’ is fecking rude.

I started a thread about this once and was told by some posters that I’m being oversensitive. confused

I still don’t think I am. I’m 5’10” and a size 10-12. I’m tall, not ‘big’, and even if I was, who the fuck are you to tell me?!

chatwoo Sat 13-Jan-18 03:30:55

Yes it's puzzling how people even feel the need to comment on the physical being / looks of others. Like it's acceptable to do so, on anyone who is not "average" - size or looks-wise. I did enjoy the "pasty doughnut" comment though grin grin

BasiliskStare Sat 13-Jan-18 03:58:02

OP - I am sure this was not your exact point but the actress Gwendoline Christie , you would have to technically describe as big or tall , she is bigger and taller than me and indeed my DH . But what an attractive woman ( and yes you do not have to be attractive as a woman , I know , I know ) - but you absolutely do not have to be tiny or sparrow like or teeny tiny to be absolutely fine as a woman. & conversely , nor do you need to be 6ft plus and built like a brick outhouse to be Ok as a man. And there is my very trite contribution grin blush My DH is I think fairly average height but not tall - when he gets together with other chaps he looks like the short one - that's OK by me. I would love to be taller , but I am not - also not particularly petite - so I troop on at the height / size I am . Ignore the comments OP

WizardOfToss Sat 13-Jan-18 04:00:02

God, there are some thoughtless arseholes about, aren’t there?

I’ve been called ‘a big strong maid’ before now (West Country). I took it as a compliment. Would love to be strong, but fear I am actually only big! grin

Greensleeves Sat 13-Jan-18 04:03:17

Wizard my dad's relatives used to make comments like that about statuesque women, "she's a fine strong wench of a lass", "beef to the heels like a Mullingar heifer - six kids and never a pout"

I think they thought they were being complimentary confused

Shadow666 Sat 13-Jan-18 04:03:55

Honestly, I'd just reply, "That was rude", and walk away. Life's too short to get into arguments with ignorant people.

MrsKoala Sat 13-Jan-18 04:16:03

I've had this all my life. Or variations; 'Amazonian', 'Are you a javelin thrower?' etc. Always from men. It's like the 'smile' comments.

Some man, often a complete stranger, just apropos to nothing will say 'Blimey, you're a big girl!' Then act completely bewildered that i am not tinkly laughing. I then get defensive shock and abuse. Like 'you can't say anything to you lesbians'. They feel they have a right to comment and i don't have a right to have an opinion. In fact they feel i should be grateful they have noticed me enough to express their opinion. The fact they are short/fat/bald/whatever seems unmentionable tho.

Another one i get is every time i see people they tell me i've lost weight. I never have. Still size 12/14 and 5ft 10in. But in their minds i am huge and whenever i am actually in front of them they see I am really not. I'm just tall. But then i leave their sight and they remember me big again.

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