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Do you ever swap Christmas presents?

(23 Posts)
NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 11:44:49

DP's have bought DS a present. He will hate it. It is a maths game, he hates and genuinely does not understand even basic maths (suspected dyscalculia) and can't play board games. I've bought something that I'm in two minds about giving him as a present. It's something that was suggested by OT and I'm not 100% sure he will like it due to frustration if can't do it (dyspraxia), but if he can I'm pretty certain he will love it. However, it will definitely be a better choice than the maths game. Would it be totally wrong of me to wrap it up and give it from the grandparents? It's still a kind of educational toy (so fits DP's present criteria) and probably around the same price range because I managed to get a good deal on it. DS is aware that the DP's take no real interest in him as a person, rather in the person they think he should be.

I would either keep the maths game as a spare present or see if I can introduce it at some point when he shows a bit more understanding of maths.

KakunaRattata Mon 18-Dec-17 11:53:58

Oh dear, you are in danger of them asking him though, how old is DS? My kids are aware that one family member buys terrible presents (eg something appropriate for a 6 year old for a teenager) so open them, smile and say thank you and place in the 'return to shop or ebay' pile.

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 12:15:07

I don't know. Usually they don't really listen to what the DC are actually saying when we Skype. So DC will say thank you, but I don't know if the conversation would go as far as showing them anything. He seems a bit young to confirm to him that his GP's don't know or accept who he is. And he's had quite a shit year at school. And its probably the last year he'll believe in Santa. And yes, I want to protect him from their attitude as long as possible.

DS is 8, with quite an innocent outlook, sometimes more like a typical 6 year old. His maths ability is even lower. He wouldn't be able to tell you 5+4 or know how to work it out. You have to explain step by step to put one hand up with 5 and one with four and then he has to start counting from 1. He also doesn't see the link that 4 is one less than 5 so all he has to do is put a hand up and take a finger away.

genever Mon 18-Dec-17 12:24:48

Is there any chance that the game could help him!

genever Mon 18-Dec-17 12:25:05

? Not !

shouldwestayorshouldwego Mon 18-Dec-17 12:25:27

It sounds as if they won't be there anyway so I would probably leave it as it is and just skim over the exact details - it will probably be put to one side when opened and just not returned to. As long as it isn't the last thing opened and as long as a big deal isn't made of playing it that day. I would probably just introduce the OT recommended game at some point rather than as a present. You could even do it before Christmas if he breaks up soon.

llangennith Mon 18-Dec-17 12:25:37

No real advice but I’m not sure I know any child who’d appreciate a maths game. I don’t suppose Father Christmas gets many requests for them.

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 12:33:44

They break up Friday lunchtime should. We are all exhausted! Honestly I doubt it would ever be played. We are unlikely to see them in person until Easter at the earliest. I don't either llangennith but I learnt the 'educational present face' early on! 501 French verbs anyone?!

Maybe genever but from looking at the box it needs a grasp of basic maths first. He just doesn't have that.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 18-Dec-17 12:41:39

What game is it? There may be some way of adapting it so it is easier to play (have a 7yo DS who loves maths, so we may well have the game).

Could you buy a different maths game to give from them? Plyt for example can be played at any level of ability from only able to count to 6 to able to multiply into the thousands. You could tell them you'd swapped it for a maths game more at his level. Doesn't sound like they'd be bothered by that.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 18-Dec-17 12:43:59

No real advice but I’m not sure I know any child who’d appreciate a maths game.

My DS would. Can barely spell his own name, but loves numbers.

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 13:51:17

Thanks Lowdoor, just watched a youtube of Plyt. I think that's far too complicated a board game for him.

KakunaRattata Mon 18-Dec-17 13:56:07

Sounds like there's more of a back story than just the present, so yeah, hide it away and replace it with something more appropriate, but be prepared one of you may get asked in the future.

My ds is dyspraxic also but we're a few years down the line, hope your ds finds his way and has a better year next year.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 18-Dec-17 14:05:12

You can play it in exactly the same way as Snakes and Ladders- but if he's not ready for S&L yet you might be right.

Incey Wincey is quite good because you can play it with shapes first then switch to numbers.

Or just tell them thanks and you'll put the game away for later!

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 19:35:04

S&L is too much for him. But he wont play incey any more as it has been declared too babyish. Ubongo is the only board game he will occasionally play.

Crumbs1 Mon 18-Dec-17 20:01:23

I’d not swap it. Can he have the other game as an extra present?
If he doesn’t like or play with the present from his grandparents there is no harm done. If you swap and you’re found out, then you are in the wrong automatically. Why would you want it to look as if they had given something different?

Belleoftheball8 Mon 18-Dec-17 20:05:41

No real advice but I’m not sure I know any child who’d appreciate a maths game

My ds is very gifted when it comes to maths and loved anything like this or science related. Me on the other hand struggled with maths have you thought of getting him a tutor whilst he’s still young?

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 21:00:55

So he’s not upset that they haven’t a clue who he is. He will realise that they think an appropriate gift is something he hates and causes him immense stress. Last time they came to visit he asked why they were bothering as they just ignore him when he tries to talk to them.

No, I’d not thought about tutoring. He’s so young! And I don’t know when we would fit it in. He already has two sets of therapy a week, we couldn’t cope with more.

Belleoftheball8 Mon 18-Dec-17 21:14:48

As someone who struggled with Maths and has dyslexia please get him a tutor at this age it will only get worse as he precedes through his education. At his age he should be able to add 4+5 many at his age are doing times tables and diversion. Please make this a priority, speaking as someone who wished I had extra support in school.

NoThisIsMyChild Mon 18-Dec-17 22:18:52

No it's not. I don't deny it's important, but it's not a priority. Not even his teachers are suggesting it is.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Tue 19-Dec-17 06:32:18

How about swapping for something like balance beans that is maths but doesn't feel like it, and has on OT element too?

However, the GPs may not recognise that as maths. TBH I think you might have to be blunt with them and tell them what they have bought is not appropriate. I wouldn't give DS the game that is too hard though, it's just going to highlight that people think he should be able to do that but he can't.

Hmmalittlefishy Tue 19-Dec-17 06:37:28

I would just swap it.
If he mentions the swapped game on Skype and they actually query it then can't you just cover up by saying he's had so much for Christmas he's bound to get muddled who got what

NoThisIsMyChild Tue 19-Dec-17 07:43:04

Oh Lowdoor that’s brilliant, I think he’d love that balance game.
I’m making a list of these for the future so if you know any more good games or even apps please let me know! He is much more receptive to e.g. a game alone on the tablet than a game together as a family.

TheFogsGettingThicker Tue 19-Dec-17 21:03:48

We had monkey maths when mine were smaller. DS still plays around with it tbh; he is 10, has ASD and struggles a bit with maths.

I like the look of the Balancing Beans one too.

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