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Would this be a weird thing to ask my Dil

(11 Posts)
Snowinhell Sun 17-Dec-17 19:23:47

First off, I would say that we have a very normal relationship. We help them out, they help us out. Visits are pleasant and we chat and laugh.

My son has recently shown an interest in cooking and various things relating to this have appeared on his Christmas list. A couple of weeks ago I bought myself a food processor. god knows why, I certainly don’t. Anyway, I can’t get on with it so I was thinking of offering to my son not as a present obviously.

I maybe totally overthinking this, but their kitchen is tiny. So would it be really weird, if I asked her first if she minded. I know that she would not use it herself. She may not want it cluttering up the kitchen. Then after thinking that checking with her first, might seem really peculiar.

ScreamingValenta Sun 17-Dec-17 19:25:54

Could you mention it to them both at the same time, acknowledging the smallness of their kitchen so they don't feel awkward if they don't want it?

AuntLydia Sun 17-Dec-17 19:26:05

Why would you check with the dil?! Surely he can decide for himself if the kitchen is too cluttered? It would definitely seem peculiar to me!

NoSquirrels Sun 17-Dec-17 19:26:50

Offer it to your DS, ideally in fro t if your DIL, but make the point that you won’t be offended if they say no as you realise their kitchen is small.

Don’t “check” with DIL as if her opinion on domestic arrangements is the key thing. My MIL dies this and I find it odd. DH and I are capable of having a discussion ourselves about whether it would be annoying!

jellyandsoup Sun 17-Dec-17 19:27:26

Why don't you just mention it and say that he can have it if he wants it, but no worries if he doesn't. Then his wife can easily say something if it's a problem to her.

mumonashoestring Sun 17-Dec-17 19:28:46

I think it's a thoughtful thing to do - possibly because my MIL is on a mission to empty her house into mine and keeps bringing 'useful' things round which DH says yes to, then leaves it to me to find somewhere to put the bastards... grin Maybe as Christmas is approaching you could frame it as checking she wasn't planning to get one either for him, or in the sales - then if she says 'god no, where would we put it?' you'll still have your answer...

Snowinhell Sun 17-Dec-17 20:00:15

AuntLydia, yep that’s what I thought. My problem is that I have left a message for DiL asking her to call me. Then afterwards I thought it was the wrong thing to do. Like not treating them as equals even though childcare and domestic stuff is done by both of them. I think I am going to confess, my whole thought process then my doubts. She will probably just laugh.

BrownTurkey Sun 17-Dec-17 20:36:59

Don’t say the kitchen is small though! It might sound like a dig.

Snowinhell Sun 17-Dec-17 20:41:44

Good point, I will just say “it takes up a lot of space”

cakesonatrain Sun 17-Dec-17 20:42:29

Phrase it along the lines of you were going to offer it to him, but thought you would check with her if she thought that he would like it, and also if they would have room, and leave it that she can consult with her DH? Then can say no for either reason.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 17-Dec-17 20:58:20

Why don't you offer it to them both, they can decide together, whether or not they want it.😀

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