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My Mother has found us again. non contact.

(96 Posts)
welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:13:59

My Mum who I went no contact years ago, has found us at our new home. We went ex directory, electoral roll non public. Still she found us. Six calls yesterday, xmas card so she knows our address, she says she has a good friend who knows the internet. So I went onto Sky to block her phone, star and block lists. Now hubby and I are arguing because unless I star numbers individually they have to go through a sky block so that I can approve them. I am sitting here crying, hubby annoyed. I feel like the mental and physical abuse is here again today. I am 61 and got away at 21. Why am I in bits?

Julutheskunk Sun 17-Dec-17 14:16:06

flowers flowers.

Have you checked your not on 192.com I wrote to them a couple of years ago and asked to be removed. Do either of you own a domain and didn't put the Whois privacy on?

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:20:46

we do not own a domain. we are on 192.com

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:24:47

Finally admitted to hubby the physical abuse I suffered, letters to pe teacher, cannot do games, why not. Well the weals from the beatings. Now I know it was a different time, but the shame never goes away.

ArchchancellorsHat Sun 17-Dec-17 14:25:13

I feel for you. Mine kept doing the same.
If you are on 192 then it's a small fee to get quite a lot of detail including your address, any companies you own etc. It comes from the electoral register, although there's a box you can tick on that to stop them publishing your details, a bit late now.
I'm assuming you're in the UK? All i can suggest is to make good use of the stalking and anti harassment laws.

Julutheskunk Sun 17-Dec-17 14:25:21

If you contact them, I think there's a contact page or something near the bottom, they will send out a form to fill in to get your details removed (or it was like that a couple of years ago) send her cards back as not know at this address, block her calls and just ignore ignore ignore, don't give her the attention she's craving. flowers

ArchchancellorsHat Sun 17-Dec-17 14:26:40

Sorry, you know about the electoral roll. For me it was bloody bt putting my name and address in the phone book though I told not to. Fuck bt.

Bearfrills Sun 17-Dec-17 14:32:33

Have you considered looking into applying for a non-molestation order that will ban her from contacting you?

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:44:33

I had a look at 192.com, nothing more recent than 2004. So I am baffled. Hubby thinks social services have helped her out, but would they do you think??

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:45:54

I ought to add that her other two children my siblings went non contact decades ago. One is in China the other still in the area. Both sons, so do not get the hassle I do. I do not let on to her that I am upset by this btw.

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:50:00

Can you believe I am talking about an 82 year old woman here, where does she find the energy to carry on with this...

user1484311384 Sun 17-Dec-17 14:50:01

There is no way Social Services would have helped. They take confidentiality extremely seriously. Anyway, how would they have your contact details?

Julutheskunk Sun 17-Dec-17 14:52:09

It won't be social services.

Have you tried googling your name, name and town, full address and combinations of that to see if there are any results and where she might of got it from.

expatinscotland Sun 17-Dec-17 14:52:18

I would seriously look at getting an non-molestation order on her.

OnTheRise Sun 17-Dec-17 14:53:35

Tell her to not contact you again, and if she does ask the police to go round and talk to her, perhaps?

It might work. It wouldn't work with my mother, who would see such a visit as a challenge to be beaten. But it could.

I can't imagine how she's found you. It might be through work, perhaps?

Bluetrews25 Sun 17-Dec-17 14:54:32

Ah, she's probably in need of a carer. hmm
Well, tough. You reap what you sow.
As PPs have said, you need to go down the harassment route.
So sorry this has shaken you. Try to keep strong.

RoganJosh Sun 17-Dec-17 14:54:50

Are either of you company directors?

Maudlinmaud Sun 17-Dec-17 14:55:47

Might need to get the police involved. They will speak to her about unwanted contact. Then maybe a court order.
It's not OK and it's obviously having a terrible effect on you. Doesn't matter about age.

Mintychoc1 Sun 17-Dec-17 14:56:32

Finding you would be straightforward work for a private investigator. A friend of mine used one once, to track down an old boyfriend she was getting nostalgic about. She did it on line. Just gave his name and approximate age, the last address she knew etc. Within 24 hours she had his address and phone number.

welshmist Sun 17-Dec-17 14:56:34

I have googled my name, no results on phone number or, address. We only moved recently and she has them already. We use mobiles here mostly so have not handed our number out to anyone but close friends, who have never met her anyway. The narcissist is a very determined creature. The only people who have my address and phone number outside friends is the charity I volunteer for. Cannot see them giving out the details.

expatinscotland Sun 17-Dec-17 14:56:49

Definitely read up on anti-stalking legislation.

expatinscotland Sun 17-Dec-17 14:59:52

In that case I would seriously consider contacting the police. Don't contact her yourself.

TheFormidableMrsC Sun 17-Dec-17 15:00:00

Does she have the money available for a private detective?

BulletFox Sun 17-Dec-17 15:00:08

welsh sorry - this has been going on for such a long time.

I'd probably call 101 and get advice, or you could do an internet form

PositivelyPERF Sun 17-Dec-17 15:01:45

I reckon she wants someone to look after her, in her old age, so of course she'll contact her birth daughter. As others have suggested, get a non mol for the nasty fucker. She does not deserve one minute of your time. I'm also sorry to say she's liable to send her winged monkies to your door, so don't even get into conversation with them. Tell them to leave and never come back or you'll phone the police. So sorry you're going through this.

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