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Help completely failed as a mum

(94 Posts)
Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:09:15

Posted before about party. Party tonight it's gone pear shaped. Complaints about noise at which point I said party's over. Dd then trapped me in my room to stop me sending everyone home. She has also assaulted me quite badly and I want her out. She won't leave. I don't know what to do

123bananas Sat 16-Dec-17 23:11:22

Call the Police, the only way she will learn I'm afraid.

iknowimcoming Sat 16-Dec-17 23:13:17

I agree call police on non-emergency number unless you feel you are still in danger - poor you sad

BlatantRedhead Sat 16-Dec-17 23:16:45

Another saying call the police. How old is DD? She must learn that she cannot assault you and hold you against your will. Are you ok?

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:17:11

I can't I just can't do that to her. We've had difficulties over the years but never this bad but it genuinely is my fault. I am not good at keeping my own temper so hardly taught her good communication etc. Plus she's had to be looked after by foster care in the past due to my ill health.

I knew I shouldn't have allowed this bloody party!

CorbynsBumFlannel Sat 16-Dec-17 23:19:13

No matter what has happened in the past you need to teach her now what is acceptable. What would you want her to do if someone assaulted her?

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:19:49

I'm ok, very hurt emotionally and honestly I think it's end of the road for us living together. I can't cope with her.

Battleax Sat 16-Dec-17 23:19:50

What else is there to do?

AtSea1979 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:20:09

Can't do it to her?

OP you can't not do it to her. Your DD needs help and the police might help steer her in a better direction.
Do you mean you have also assaulted DD hence reluctant to call the police?

CremeFresh Sat 16-Dec-17 23:20:23

I had my DD arrested when she was 16 for hitting me, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I tried so hard to deal with her behaviour on my own but couldn't do it- I ended up getting SS involved and took part in a therapy called MST, which helped massively.

1happyhippie Sat 16-Dec-17 23:21:40

How old is she op?
I think you need to report it, maybe make her see how serious it is.
Hope you are ok.

iboughtsnowboots Sat 16-Dec-17 23:24:12

If you don't want to contact the police you need to contact children's social care. But a lot of people with challenging teenagers decide at some point they don't want them at home and very few of them get taken into care. They may have support of some kind though, a group course or a support worker.

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:30:31

She's 17. Yes I'm ashamed to admit I've hurt her too. I don't know how to explain most of the time we're ok but sometimes she gets in my face/won't let me leave - no excuse I know but also I'm worried about dropping self in it as she was drinking albeit supposedly supervised. It's a bloody mess and I've fucked up I know.

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:31:09

She's had several camhs appointments but never attends

Greenshoots1 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:34:24

where else would she live?

iboughtsnowboots Sat 16-Dec-17 23:36:48

17 is a really awkward age, children's service s will be disengaging and adult services haven't started. What does your dd think the best way out of the current situation is? What is she doing re studying or working at present?

Greenshoots1 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:44:17

a 17 year old is not going to be able to find somewhere else to live though, are they?

southboundagain Sat 16-Dec-17 23:47:05

> She's had several camhs appointments but never attends

Do you take her to them?

Loverunandwine Sat 16-Dec-17 23:55:36

Hi, were you you the individual who posted that you suffered from high levels of anxiety? If I assume yes (ignoring currently the assault on both sides). 17 is a challenging age, not least because they worry about peers etc, we’re you in control of your anxiety at the party? Was your DD worried about this? Apologies if I have my OP confused.

Your DD needs your support as much as possible as she transition to adulthood

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:55:40

She works full time. She won't let me take her to the camhs appointments

laudanum Sat 16-Dec-17 23:56:10

I think you need to involve the police for both of your sakes. You can't afford to be shy with this.

Mumchanges Sat 16-Dec-17 23:57:15

I don't want her to lose her job either

Mumchanges Sun 17-Dec-17 00:09:30

She's gone I won't be letting her back I don't think. This is not just about tonight there's been a lot going on over the last year or so

iboughtsnowboots Sun 17-Dec-17 00:13:35

What alternative plans do you have for her accommodation? Age 17 she is going to struggle to find alternative accommodation without your support. It isn't going to be as simple as you not letting her come back home.

Mumchanges Sun 17-Dec-17 00:20:45

No I will help her find somewhere to live but I can't have her here any more. Not good for either of us.

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