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My sister thinks i am a hypocrite

(42 Posts)
PassiveAgressiveQueen Sat 16-Dec-17 09:20:59

I hate grammar schools, think they are shitty and bad for every kid that doesn't get in.
I also hate academies the govt education money shouldn't be making a company profit.

So in our town we have a grammar school and a chain academy. The grammar school is the top state school in the north of the county (there everyone from up north knows where i live now).

My sister called me a hypocrite for sending my son to the grammar school. Am i?
I think I would be cutting of my son's nose to spite my face if I didn't send him?

OuchBollocks Sat 16-Dec-17 09:23:28

Well what does your sister think you should do? Since both options involve sending.your son to a type of school you don't think should exist. Does she want you to home school him? Send him on a bus to the next county? SIBU.

Bluntness100 Sat 16-Dec-17 09:25:37

Are you expressing your views to your son?

Seriously. Why don’t you google a balanced argument and try one sometime. Either that or ask your son to teach you, since at least he’s getting a decent education.

differentnameforthis Sat 16-Dec-17 09:27:41

I hate grammar schools, think they are shitty and bad for every kid that doesn't get in
They are only shitty and bad for kids when you aren't sending your ds there...yes, you are a hypocrite.

Appuskidu Sat 16-Dec-17 09:29:35

The grammar school is the top state school in the north of the county (there everyone from up north knows where i live now).

Really-is it that obvious? Everyone from up north: can you now identify this town?

I’m surprised you’ve chosen to live in an area with two secondary schools you hate in though; I would have moved.

MrsFrTedCrilly Sat 16-Dec-17 09:29:40

No not at all. You are merely sending your child to the school with the best academic record and giving her/him the best opportunity available, that’s good parenting.
I hate the whole grammar school thing too but we will be doing 11+ so every option is available to our child. Let your sister think what she likes you are working within the system of what’s available locally to you.
Good luck with it all flowers

redexpat Sat 16-Dec-17 09:29:49

Well if there was a bog standard comp (like there were in the olden days) would you send him there? If so then i dont think yabu.

magpiemischief Sat 16-Dec-17 09:33:59

Does your or his father son have no say? Is it your decision alone?

I have my own views which are acknowledged but in our family decisions tend to be discussed with all those involved.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Sat 16-Dec-17 09:36:02

@redexpat before it was an academy it was a failing school, people did use to bus their kids to the next county to avoid it.

Trills Sat 16-Dec-17 09:39:36

She's not wrong that you're being a hypocrite. She's wrong if she condemns you for it.

We are all hypocrites some of the time.

We all have some situations where we believe that X is the best thing for the world at large, but we will do Y because in that specific situation it is best for us.

I am very much against the grammar school system, and I wouldn't purposely move to an area that had that system, but if i ended up in your town I would of course try to get my child into the better school.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Dec-17 09:39:38

It's only December, how do you know you'll be sending him to grammar school in September next year?

Or has he already started this year?

WrittenandGrown Sat 16-Dec-17 09:46:01

I know the town and wouldn’t send my child to either school. It would be hypocritical to send him but don’t his father and your son himself get a say?

nutnerk Sat 16-Dec-17 09:47:02

'did use to' - shame you didn't have the opportunity to go to a grammar school!

Grammar schools are great for some students and push the most academic kids to succeed. I was never top of the class, but being there alone pushed me far more than any other school. However, non traditionally academic kids may not excell there as they don't tend to support arts/music/drama/sport as well.

Nothing shitty about it except for your judgemental attitude.

hesterton Sat 16-Dec-17 09:48:21

Its the system of your area. Your ds has a cognitive peer group and they are there (assuming he is more able). Hard not to send him but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Sat 16-Dec-17 09:52:41

I wouldn't let my kids choose their own school. Obviously I would listen to their opinions, but in the end, a parent has to make the best choice.
I don't know why people are questioning the OP for not involving her son's dad. Maybe he is not around, or feels she knows more about it than him so is happy for her to decide, or is in total agreement or doesn't care either way. Why is it relevant?

OuchBollocks Sat 16-Dec-17 09:53:25

Any need nutnerk? hmm

Tbh I don't think there's much difference from an ideological standpoint between families choosing a grammar, and families bussing kids to better, non local schools. Both options disadvantage children from backgrounds where parents are less interested/informed/ able to make decisions to advantage their children. That is not to say I wouldn't do the same.

FanSpamTastic Sat 16-Dec-17 09:55:12

You are a hypocrite - if you are that much against the schools on offer then you could have moved elsewhere to find schools that fit with your ideology.

That said - who gives a toss? I’m sure you are not the only hypocrite at that school bemoaning the fact that their poor little Johnny had no options and they could not let their own political leanings get in the way of their child’s education. Just like all those Labour MPs who won’t allow new grammar schools for other children or slag off private education but are quite happy to send their own kids to one.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Dec-17 09:55:52

However, non traditionally academic kids may not excell there as they don't tend to support arts/music/drama/sport as well.

nutnerk, did you mean 'excel'?

HermionesRightHook Sat 16-Dec-17 09:57:13

I think we all do things that are a bit hypocritical sometimes but we do what's best for our children.

I detest private schools and think their ethos is awful, but if I could afford it and find one that doesn't have the ethos I hate, if and only if the local normal schools were really terrible, we'd consider it.

And I was privately educated - there's plenty that would think I was being a hypocrite for denying my children the education I had on political grounds. Sometimes you can't win.

sparechange Sat 16-Dec-17 10:01:42

Of course you're a hypocrite! It's the very definition of hypocrisy

You can't actually hate grammars that much if you send your son to one though.
When I hate something, I avoid at all costs. I don't take advantage of it
Are you just telling people you 'hate' grammars because you feel it is the right thing to say in your social circle?

And this:
before it was an academy it was a failing school, people did use to bus their kids to the next county to avoid it.

You would be happier with a failing school locally, and pupils with massive commutes to a decent school, than an academy?

You can't see the benefit of the academy system when it has turned around a long-failing school? confused

BertrandRussell Sat 16-Dec-17 10:06:13

The level of hypocrisy depends on the set up. What %age go to the grammar school? Is the alternative a proper comprehensive with viable top sets? (Assuming your ds is a top set type)

roundaboutthetown Sat 16-Dec-17 10:11:06

sparechange - we do not actually know whether the academy school is any good or not, as it will have been allowed to start with a blank slate, not be tarred with the brush of the school it was 5 minutes ago. Has it proven itself to have been genuinely turned around, or are the OP's choices still a good grammar or a poorly performing school going under a new name?

NataliaOsipova Sat 16-Dec-17 10:17:17

Well, yes, strictly speaking, your sister is right and you are a hypocrite. But I'd be one too if it meant the best for my child. Being a good parent is more important than some abstract set of ideals. Life isn't black and white; we all navigate the grey as best we can. So shrug at your sister and feel at peace with the decision you made for your son.

BlackBetha Sat 16-Dec-17 10:23:18

It sounds like you have an ideological opposition to both schools (the grammar and the academy), so given that you're going to have to go against your principles either way, you should choose whichever school you think would be best for your child.

In general, doing what's best for your child should come before ideology, in my opinion.

Branleuse Sat 16-Dec-17 10:27:27

Who cares. You dont like either option politically but you had to make a choice.

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