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Come and talk to me about your 14 going on 15 year old ds

(32 Posts)
angularmerkel Fri 15-Dec-17 18:40:23

My Ds has aspergers. I think he also has depression and he certainly has anxiety. I have taken him to the GP and she implied that a lot of what he was describing was usual for his age. I'm not convinced but I need perspective. Please could you describe your 14/15 year old ds to me? Either autistic or NT would be helpful. I'm just trying to get an idea of what is to be expected due to his age and what's out of the ordinary.

What does he do with himself? What is his attitude like? How does he spend his time? What is he like generally?

CPtart Fri 15-Dec-17 19:39:05

DS1 was 15 two weeks ago. He's smart academically but has to be pushed at times. Quite independant but has been in scouts and now explorers and has spent many weekends away including trips abroad without us. Has a good long standing group of friends. Goes on the football with friends on a weekend, goes out with them to town etc, plays in a football team weekly and referees for the local junior league. Likes his Xbox and phone too much, and quite happy to spend time alone in his bedroom.
Eats well, sleeps well, likes his own way and can be a bit stroppy but at the minute generally a good lad.

Youcanstayundermyumbrella Fri 15-Dec-17 19:42:09

DS 15, with HFA diagnosis. Very solitary, will spend every hour on a computer/phone if allowed. Small group of friends but feels very uncomfortable with social interaction in general, including with people he meets in the course of daily life. Rude to us quite a bit, reluctant to do things with us. Bright but resists things he doesn't rate, including all homework. He seems pretty depressed to me. Very hard to have a conversation with him

LunasSpectreSpecs Fri 15-Dec-17 19:51:08

My DS will be 15 in March. He has no diagnosis, but has over the years been investigated for dyspraxia and ASD but doesn't tick enough boxes.

He's very bright, knows more about WW1 than his history teacher and aces his tests at school with very little revision. He still likes playing with Lego, spends most of his time reading, watching youtube and playing Playstation games. Hates sport, no interest in any sport at all either watching or playing. No interest in music of any genre. Not really that interested in girls (or boys) either. No interest in fashion or "popular ,culture". Social skills are poor - he still can't pick up the cues that people are being bored and takes things very literally. He does debating at school which he enjoys. Happy to meet up with friends at the weekend but i'm still organising this for him.

Frith1975 Fri 15-Dec-17 19:56:34

Mine is year 10 with autism, EHCP in autism base attached to mainstream.

Calm, cuddly and communicative if his day has gone well and he’s sitting with me on the sofa or in the car.

Hugely anxious if anything goes wrong (e.g it’s snowing) or if he sees anyone else hurt or upset. Hugely squeamish!

Has a handful of v close slightly unusual boys as friends at school. Does a hobby with them occasionally at the weekend and plays on the PlayStation with them, chatting happily, for as long as I let him.

Absolutely bone idle, pretty argumentative and incredibly sarcastic. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree there.., :-D

spurtions Fri 15-Dec-17 19:57:05

DS is 15. He’s bright and working hard at school and takes his work seriously as do his friends. He has a girlfriend who he talks to on skype and has seen 3 times in 6 months so not too intense! He plays lots of sports especially football, he watches football on Tv, he goes to football matches, he plays FIFA and he plays football matches. He’s starting to get involved in a bit of sports youth work. He sees his friends and erm, plays football and plays FIFA. He goes out with friends to their houses and eats a lot of nando’s, he loves buying trainers and identical black hoodies and he is either delightful to us or fairly mono syllabic.

Frith1975 Fri 15-Dec-17 19:58:11

Oh yes, and mine has selective mutism which I always forget as he doesn’t have it with me!

lalalalalalalalapo Fri 15-Dec-17 20:02:49

15 would sleep all day if I let him, plays out with his mates, but also spends far far too much time on the PS4. Has to be forced to get a wash, room a state, needs constant reminders re laundry, uniform and homework. Is also very sweet and still gives me a hug.

Quite often has a kip after school and eats me out of house and home.

Noeuf Fri 15-Dec-17 20:06:11

Dx age 9. Aspergerà and OCD

Horrible, swears, criticises me all the time. Outraged at perceived slights. Rude and jealous of his brothers.

Lectures me on why I'm wrong about everything - Star Wars, washing your hair, cleaning, cooking.

Either silent and on the x Box or phone or being abusive or rude. Rare moments of pleasantness.

Balearica Fri 15-Dec-17 20:06:34

Agree with lalapo - NT DS is exactly like this except spends more time talking to his mates online than seeing them in person - largely due to where we live.

TheWitchAndTrevor Fri 15-Dec-17 20:11:54

Ds has autistic traits, CAMHS would like to refer for a diagnoses.

Very bright loving, caring, chatty, funny and open with us. Has a few close friends, will organise stuff with them, but prefers to socialise online, plays games a lot and makes friends with people all over the world. Is independent and enjoys pushing himself to over come his social anxieties.
Is self disciplines with homework and and revision.

But

For the past 3 years has suffered from crippling anxiety about anything and everything. Becomes very depressed. Self harms by hitting himself (covered in bruises) has very low self esteem. Tells himself he's useless a stupid idiot and wants to die. This can happen from as little as him dropping a pen on the floor.

He also calls us all the names under the sun when he hates himself and we try to help.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Fri 15-Dec-17 20:13:44

DS is 14, going on 15, academically very bright and very "school-shaped". Doesn't have a huge group of friends but a couple of very good friends who he spends a lot of time with. Goes to Explorer Scouts and is very active as a scout. Nearly finished his bronze DofE and about to embark on his silver.

Spends a lot of time on his phone or his iPad, but still loves his Lego and spends a lot of time building. He is developing opinions that are distinctly his, but not in an obnoxious way, and has a great sense of humour. He has to be nagged a bit to do his chores but is very affectionate when the mood takes him.

Asheth Fri 15-Dec-17 20:16:31

Mine is nearly 16 and is NT. Often grumpy, errs of the side of pesimism, addicted to tablet/phone, will sleep half the day away if given the chance!

In the last year he's started meeting up with friends a lot more. He works very hard, is quite serious about the future. He's very chatty when in the mood for it. He's very opinionated about certain things eg music - anything more than three years old is ancient and rubbish! Fairly responsible, but again needs to be in the mood for it (or get paid!). Likes to set himself challenges and meets them.

LynetteScavo Fri 15-Dec-17 20:29:30

What does he do with himself? What is his attitude like? How does he spend his time? What is he like generally?

I have 2 DSs.

DS2 is 14 1/2. He loves riding his bike. Almost obsessively. He spend the whole summer at the skAte/BMX park, and will be on his jump bike in mud at any opportunity in winter.

He is generally moody and has lost the power of speech, but still gives me great hugs. He's always been popular and was recently chuffed he was invited to a party if a "popular" girl. He was going to meet up with a "friend" from school last weekend but she stood him up because of the weather.

Overall he's pretty much the most average teenage boy ever.

DS1 is now 18. He's on the autistic spectrum. At 14 he occasionally met up with friends, and had 3 good friends in school. He occasionally had huge tantrums. Some would say meltdowns. The destruction could be shocking.
He was targeted all As in his GCSEs, although he put in minimum effort and his behaviour in school was "impeccable" after years of him being "challenging" and "off task".

He had a unicycle for Christmas which he leaned to ride in a couple of hours. He then rode it around, juggling. Because he could.

He still came out with us as a family if we visited relatives or went for a "special" walk at Christmas/Easter. He even came to mass for DS2 confirmation (no way would he now!) and I saw him shake hands and use eye contact - I was stunned! At least I know he had that skill should he chose to use it.

He did play PlayStation, but not obsessively.

He's always been lovely when not going though a growth spurt, but horrendous when growing. He grew a lot at that age.

spurtions Fri 15-Dec-17 21:20:53

I should add that he’s Amazon’s best customer and his contact with me when away from home consists of

“Can you top up my lunch account?”
“Have I had any deliveries”
“Can you pick me up from somewhere really inconvenient, at a really inconvenient time even though I could actually get the bus”
“Can you buy me *insert appropriate item which is usually football related*”

lljkk Fri 15-Dec-17 22:12:58

No ASD.
Grumpy, no patience with siblings, lashes out, wicked sense of humour when in a good mood.
shoot 'em up games (most the time on screen)
Midnight kitchen raids.
Strange sleeping hours.
Occasional bunk day off school.
Still likes to build lego & airfix.
Likes nice clothes.
Friends mostly 18m older.
Keen on Air Cadets, order, discipline.
Refusal to do any homework but does try hard while physically present in school.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou Fri 15-Dec-17 22:18:37

DS is 14 and autistic.
He spends almost all his time in his room. He gets fidgety if he is expected to spend more than an hour with us.
He only washes when forced. He only eats a set few things and the slightest variation sends him into meltdown.
He generally goes to school with no complaint but today was tricky as it was 'Christmas Jumper Day' so 'different' which he couldn't take......
Puberty and autistic children = nightmare I'm afraid.

traviata Fri 15-Dec-17 22:36:58

DS - A little younger - 14 in January - but mature for his age. NT.

What does he do with himself? What is his attitude like? How does he spend his time? What is he like generally?

He walks home with a small mixed group of friends, and when observed with them is chatty, laughing, sharing headphones etc.

As soon as he enters the house he is monosyllabic, sarcastic and resentful. He sighs huge sighs if asked to do anything, including coming to eat dinner, do chores, or join in with family to watch TV etc. Once he has finished his meal he leaps up and runs back to his room. He is basically trying to carve out an independent life within the same home.

He attempts to spend 100% of his time playing games or watching youtube on his PC. Occasionally he will play on his keyboard or pick up a guitar. Life is one long series of negotiations.

At bed time he says 'love you' but he turns his face away and offers only his neck for a kiss. A few months ago he'd hug and kiss me.

He has no interest in clothes beyond wanting to wear only black or grey, and submits to a daily shower with no enthusiasm.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain Fri 15-Dec-17 22:45:54

I don't have a boy but I have one piece of advice - don't compare him with girls his own age as the maturity gap is usually at its widest now. (Not suggesting you were, it was just a thought).

angularmerkel Fri 15-Dec-17 22:46:24

My goodness you all have no idea how helpful this is to me. To be able to see the 'norm' ( and I use that in its most general sense!) is incredibly reassuring and useful. Thank you all. I feel as though I could start to plot a graph now if I felt the need grin

Keep 'em coming!

lalalalalalalalapo Fri 15-Dec-17 22:49:49

If anyone has any suggestions on how to get a smelly teenage boy into the bathroom - those would be most welcome ... sorry hijack of thread.

Or how to extract from the PS4 without a oooooooh mum I'm just finishing a game.

biscuitbasket Fri 15-Dec-17 23:28:08

That's an impossible ask. I don't believe it can be done!

iamafraidofvirginiawolves3cats Sat 16-Dec-17 04:22:08

Buy nice snuggly dressing gown to be worn after bath and heated on radiator.
Men’s smellies, his own boys sponge, soap etc

Mine is not NT. would spend all day on YouTube videos great at school. Not keen on any new social interactions.no interest in girls or boys but clearly going through puberty. Sometime unreasonable and impossible. Very immature. Often lovely, intelligent- clever and works hard at school
Sometimes not very nice to me in what he says and his tone of voice.
Responds very well to sicker chart type inducements. When in talkative mood, can talk about YouTube shite for hours!

autumnboys Sat 16-Dec-17 04:48:27

What does he do with himself? What is his attitude like? How does he spend his time? What is he like generally?

Ds1 is 14. This week he has been to school & scouts. We had parents evening. He went out to see his girlfriend & some other mates last night & had a Chinese with me & DH later into evening. He played the guitar endlessly, spent too long on his phone & nearly drove me to distraction over a specific piece of homework. Showers every day without nagging, although has to be reminded about using face wash. I can always tell when he doesn’t for a bit because the spots flare up. Eats well, sleeps well. Mostly kind to his younger brothers, brilliant with his younger cousins, who all adore him.

Other people tell me that he is charming, mature etc & he is, but he can also be lazy & unmotivated. Becoming more prone to being a bit Kevin-ish, but still kisses me goodbye before he leaves the house. Doesn’t like to turn his phone in before bed!

WasDoingFine Sat 16-Dec-17 05:28:49

Ds1 age 14yrs. ASD. Mainstream school. No interest in school work even though very capable. Will probably not get any GCSEs. No friends at all. Spends all weekends/holidays in bedroom on his laptop watching YouTube.

Perfectly capable of conversations and will talk for hours (if allowed) on his current interest - pokemon and transformers.

Lacks personal hygiene awareness. Unable to choose suitable clothing for the weather or recognise when clothing is dirty.

Will eat anything but doesn't know when to stop. Everything has to be on his terms and nothing is ever his fault.

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