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School mum clique

(20 Posts)
1wokeuplikethis Fri 15-Dec-17 16:04:27

My lo started school this year and I am friendly to all parents. I'm not looking for firm bosom buddies but not against say, meeting up for a drink or food.

There's one mum who is determined to start a clique and I am one of the 'lucky' chosen ones. There is a group chat that she literally uses every day, even weekends, from 7am to 11pm. I'm not down with that. I'm a miserable cow who likes to keep my life nicely compartmentalised. Texts about random school shite when not at school is the worst. So I guess she is lonely. She is obsessed with any gossip and if someone says "I have juicy gossip" (inward scream) she is on them like duggee on a gossip badge. She likes to have a good bitch about the other mums and specify so and so can't come along for food when we meet up and always mentions how we are a clique. She never wanted a clique. She can't believe she's got a clique. SHE DESPERATELY WANTED A CLIQUE.

Should I be wary? Any tips or advice from seasoned school mums and dads?
I feel like if I don't participate I will be ousted and the subject of the Juicy Gossip. Not sure I care though.

pinkblink Fri 15-Dec-17 16:10:00

Don't get dragged in, if you find it tedious I bet some of the others do too, you will soon learn who is more on your wavelength if you make conversation at drop off, then maybe suggest to a nicer mum or two about getting a coffee sometime

EssentialHummus Fri 15-Dec-17 16:19:25

Just don't engage/say much except on non-gossipy stuff. She clearly wants friends but is going about it like a 12 year old.

MyToeHurtsBetty Fri 15-Dec-17 16:24:36

"like Duggie on a gossip badge" FAB

AnnetteCurtains Fri 15-Dec-17 16:30:31

get out while you can

DB24 Fri 15-Dec-17 16:35:45

Step away. There's really no need for this nonsense.

siblingrevelryagain Fri 15-Dec-17 16:35:58

I always made a point of singling out the sad/quiet looking one on their own to stand by at pick up; I figured they probably didn't want to be part of a group but even a very shy person is usually happy to do mindless chit chat for a few minutes about how their kid's settling in etc. You'll soon get a feel for if they want you to leave them alone or if they're grateful! It won't break up a clique but it models good behaviour to the kids and is what we'd hope they do at school; if someone is on their own, check whether they're happy to be or want some company. If you're one of the 'clique' it might just encourage others to follow suit

porkandcheese Fri 15-Dec-17 16:40:23

What a gracious and thoughtful thing to do sibling... I must try that more as as you say, they might not be on their own because they want to be. Any suggestions for good opening lines that aren't weather related??!!

keepingbees Fri 15-Dec-17 16:53:15

I'd be civil and not fall out with her but I wouldn't get involved in the whole clique thing. Try and get speaking to other parents at pick up, you might find someone who's more genuine!
I think the whole idea of cliques is very childish, it's almost as though she's trying to create her own playground gang. I also wouldn't get into gossiping about other people, there's no need for it.
Personally I stay neutral, stay out of any bitchiness and I just try and chat to whoever happens to be there waiting. Some are more chatty/easier to talk to than others, but no need for any nastiness or cliques imo.

1wokeuplikethis Fri 15-Dec-17 17:20:04

Yes I'm branching out, I'm wary of wanting to form a close knit 'gang' with people I've literally just met.
I organised playing at another child's house with a parent who is not 'in the clique' and this woman audibly huffed out loud when she heard us discussing it hmm I try and mix it up with who I talk to at drop off and pick up but tbh, I just want to get my kids and make a sharp exit!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 15-Dec-17 17:27:11

I'd be very wary of her trying to alienate people. It could all backfire and you could be caught up in it as one of the clique.

I would make it clear that I wasn't happy bitching or leaving people out. A class WhatsApp is good for homework, childcare etc but shouldn't be for nastiness.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Fri 15-Dec-17 17:32:19

Sounds like Motherland........smile

Witchend Fri 15-Dec-17 18:44:32

She probably wants to be in a clique because she's read on MN that either you're in a clique or desperately lonely and excluded, and she doesn't want to be in the latter group.

1wokeuplikethis Fri 15-Dec-17 19:17:57

I'm not sure what it is. She is a mixed bag. Very kind and thoughtful at times and then at others, she is a bit much. Which is why I am keeping my guard up. She seems nice enough but does enough things to make me think confused and step back

keepingbees Sat 16-Dec-17 13:25:10

Nice people don't bitch, gossip and try and alienate people. I think you're doing the right thing by branching out. She sounds like she has issues tbh

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 16-Dec-17 13:30:55

How old is she 12. It's a about time she grew the Fuck up.

SleepFreeZone Sat 16-Dec-17 13:38:42

I quite enjoy ignoring the clique ringleader and instead making good friends with the mother who is being left out or talked about. That really pisses them off and has made me some good friends.

ChickenMom Sat 16-Dec-17 13:40:28

My little one started school this year and I set up a WhatsApp chat group. I added and invited every single one of the mums in my kids class to join. Last night we organised a drinks night. 18 RSVP’d yes. Every single mum in the class was invited. We all do separate play dates etc obviously but when we all started, I deliberately organised coffee mornings once a week that everybody was invited to join. I was determined that everybody would feel included. Be the change you want to see. Start inviting other mums to your house and organising things that not only the clique get invited to. Naturally some people have formed closed friendships but there is zero butchiness. We just have fun chat on the group. I’m sure some will step away but the important point is that everybody got included at the start. I like it that way because when I go into the playground I feel able to chat to anybody I want and I am tied and obliged to nobody.

ChickenMom Sat 16-Dec-17 13:41:14

Bitchiness not butchiness!

PrincessoftheSea Sat 16-Dec-17 13:44:16

I was also going to say it sounds like the next episode of Motherland

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