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Upset but not sure if I am being weird

(187 Posts)
Squashednotsqueezed Thu 14-Dec-17 21:11:55

I am really upset about something and am wondering if I am being weird to feel hurt.

I have an afternoon off this week and my husband wants me to bring our pre school aged daughter across town to visit his office. Our daughter will be very excited to see Daddy’s office and I was happy to do this. However when we were discussing the arrangements it became clear that his expectation was that I would deliver her there and wait outside whilst he shows her around the office. I said I thought this was weird and rude.

He seemed to think it odd that I had expected to come in. He says that people’s wives/partners etc do not visit inside the office for reasons of client confidentiality. I find it difficult to believe that it’s not possible for him to arrange permission for a family member to visit at work given that he is senior within the organisation.

It has just made me feel upset and rather low, as though I am an embarrassment or something. I just can’t imagine expecting him to come to my offices to bring my child to visit me and not inviting him in.

Chewbecca Thu 14-Dec-17 21:13:37

I'm with you, that's a bit weird.

Chocolate254 Thu 14-Dec-17 21:16:02

Totally weird

IHaveAnOutie Thu 14-Dec-17 21:24:52

I’d be upset too. How long has he worked with this company/in these offices?

Squashednotsqueezed Thu 14-Dec-17 21:25:54

Thanks - it’s a reassurance to know that I’m not alone in finding this odd.

Squashednotsqueezed Thu 14-Dec-17 21:32:19

He has been there a long time and is reasonably senior

ohfortuna Thu 14-Dec-17 21:34:20

Very weird he wants off his daughter but keep you hidden out of sight

Kraggle Thu 14-Dec-17 21:34:52

When dh wants to take dd into work I stay in the car, I don’t want to meet his random workmates by going in and basically saying “ADMIRE MY BABY!”

ohfortuna Thu 14-Dec-17 21:34:59

He wants to show off his daughter and keep you hidden out of sight
Very weird

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 14-Dec-17 21:36:23

It's as though he's pretending you don't exist. He's very disrespectful, isn't he?

insomniac123 Thu 14-Dec-17 21:37:07


Millybingbong Thu 14-Dec-17 21:38:11

I did this and brought my husband in and it was very weird like I was showing him my desk. I wished I had asked him to wait in reception but it would have felt rude smile

letsdolunch321 Thu 14-Dec-17 21:38:14

Very odd. So you are suppose to put yourself out to take your daughter then sit outside waiting till DH is ready to return daughter to you and be happy about this !!!!

Fuck that, it wouldn’t be on my agenda. What sort of a man is not happy to have his wife visit his workplace !!!!

AnyFucker Thu 14-Dec-17 21:38:14

Does he consider you to be the Hired Help ?

I would assume of two things if I was treated like this
1) he was ashamed of me
2) he has told everyone (or a certain female someone) that I was mad, or ill or separated

MsGameandWatching Thu 14-Dec-17 21:38:58

I remember being at a park with my ex H and our children and he saw a work colleague there. He said "I'm just taking the kids over to meet <<work colleague>> with the clear expectation that I would stay put. It made me feel like shit to be honest. We are not together now.

Cococase Thu 14-Dec-17 21:39:52

I think it's fine! He wants to show his LO around. It's not a family excursion.

Ijustlovefood Thu 14-Dec-17 21:40:15

Yes that's odd. If anything my dh is the one wanting me to come in whilst I'd rather wait outside or go the shops

BookishCat Thu 14-Dec-17 21:42:11

My DH isn't allowed to bring adult guests into his office. So I've been in exactly that position, with the DC allowed to visit but me not allowed in. It isn't personal and I'm not offended by it. It's just the confidentiality rules. I realise it must seem odd for people who don't work in offices where confidentiality is so vital, but I expect your DH is just following his office rules and doesn't mean to offend you.

LookAtAllTheBullshit Thu 14-Dec-17 21:48:43

@cococase, makes no sense what you wrote.
Great, he wants to show his LO off & not a family excursion, then he should sort this himself, coordinate it all, facilitate it all-not show his LO off but only if delivered by partner who then sits and waits.
What kind of arse biscuit are you?

museumum Thu 14-Dec-17 21:54:30

It is weird. But then hanging around the office being introduced to ransoms would be weird too.

Can you not go get a coffee and chill somewhere for a bit?

Squashednotsqueezed Thu 14-Dec-17 21:54:36

Bookish what field does your husband work in if you don’t mind me asking?
I work in a profession where confidentiality is important so I do get the principle of needing to protect confidential information. I have just never encountered a situation where guests were not permitted. Where I work you would have to sign them in and escort them but that would be sufficient.

Tinselistacky Thu 14-Dec-17 21:55:47

Find yourself a coffee shop that sells delicious cake nearby, switch your phone off for an hour.
Enjoy - then collect dd!!

Squashednotsqueezed Thu 14-Dec-17 21:57:41

Just to be clear I’m not desperate to visit his office. It just seems odd to expect me to deliver his daughter and wait outside.
I’m not feeling great about myself at the moment so am perhaps disproportionately upset about it.

BabloHoney Thu 14-Dec-17 21:58:31

I can see why you’re a bit upset. And how will his colleagues think a preschooler got to his office? Won’t they ask who brought her and where you are? Having said that, I’d enjoy the time to yourself, grab a coffee and a book and have a much deserved peaceful hour! X

NonnoMum Thu 14-Dec-17 21:59:55

Can you go but if a full veil?

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