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Losing friends because of children??

(9 Posts)
3boys3dogshelp Thu 14-Dec-17 12:49:43

Before we had children DH and Inhad a reasonably busy social life and lots of friends. I’ve just realised that this year we have almost no plans for Christmas, and the ones we do have are because I have planned them. We also have barely any Christmas cards.

RaindropsAndSparkles Thu 14-Dec-17 12:53:05

You have transitioned to family life. They haven't. Have you made any new friends who are at the same life stage as you? Have you sent your Christmas cards yet?

wowfudge Thu 14-Dec-17 12:56:03

Well, if it’s any consolation someone I thought was a good friend dropped me and others because we didn’t have children. All her socialising was with other parents and her other friends were ignored when they tried to contact her. I found this quite hurtful because I had been a babysitter for her, gone out with her and the kids, etc.

BikeRunSki Thu 14-Dec-17 12:59:02

Happened to me. My best friend of 15 years could t have been less interested when I had dc1. I haven’t seen him since that baby was 9 months old. I’ve sent emails a d cards - nothing, not even to the birth announcement of dc2, 3 years later. I know i’ve got the right postal address because he rents off someone at my work! Dc1 is now 9 and i’ve accepted that this friendship is in the past. I have a different lifestyle and other friends now.

3boys3dogshelp Thu 14-Dec-17 13:00:10

Sorry Raindrops I hit post by mistake then my phone died!
Sadly most of my friends did have children at a very similar time to us. We also made quite a few friends when ds1 was a baby who stuck around for quite a while and who I thought of as true friends rather than just baby acquaintances.
It’s hard to admit but I think the problem is that my kids are too full on. They’re big, boisterous, noisy boys. They are polite, they do know how to behave when out (usually) and don’t break stuff or anything. But their default setting is quite demanding. We have taken them out a lot, we do discipline them etc so they should know how to behave. But I feel like when we go out with them I have to spend my whole time keeping an eye on them rather than really seeing my friends so people have got fed up of us.
I feel like we’ve been ‘phased out’ as so many mners seem to recommend when people have annoying friends. sad

3boys3dogshelp Thu 14-Dec-17 13:06:25

Ironically our only good friends who we still see reasonably frequently don’t have children and adore ours confused.

Thetreesareallgone Thu 14-Dec-17 13:20:43

I think that's the clue, your last sentence. I've found that although my friends with younger families often talk the talk, they find it hard to find time to meet, do things as a group and so on. My friends who make more effort either have one child, older children who don't come, or no children at all- they are flexible and it's easier to arrange.

dameofdilemma Thu 14-Dec-17 13:24:33

My closest friends are those I've had for 20 years. Some have kids, most don't.
What we all have in common is we don't expect to only meet up with kids in tow. That's a play date in my view, not a social life.

Yes I've met lovely people through nursery and school etc but none replace my oldest friends.

3boys3dogshelp Thu 14-Dec-17 13:31:33

I definitely enjoy a night out without the kids and try to go whenever I can. My Fb feed is full of groups of families doing Christmas stuff together or friends and their kids out and about. We used to do that when the kids were tiny but seem to have been dropped now.

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