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Need a Handhold - Excluded from Work Christmas Lunch

(621 Posts)
DottyS Wed 13-Dec-17 16:23:20

I am feeling hurt and excluded and just needed to vent a little. I was working from home today when I saw an email to my colleague (I had accidently been copied in) confirming her attendance to a Team Christmas lunch on Tuesday. I found out everyone had been invited to this lunch but not me. No mention was ever made and I would not have found out about it until Tuesday.

I am very very hurt and somewhat confused as I though folk in my team liked me (how wrong was I?) I am actually crying over this (which is ridiculous I grant you) as I could never do that to some one else.

I need someone to handhold a little and to tell me to out on my big girl pants and get on with it,

ButteredScone Wed 13-Dec-17 16:25:15

Aw! This is a mistake, surely? Or some very, very bad management.

LevelHeading Wed 13-Dec-17 16:25:21

Nasty people. Hugs to you op.

Do you normally work in the office on a Tuesday?

woundedbutwalking Wed 13-Dec-17 16:25:28

I'm sure it's an oversight- email & ask what's going on next Tuesday. I'm sure you'll get an apology & invite smile

ReluctantlyRedundant101 Wed 13-Dec-17 16:27:09

flowers for you that is utterly shit & nasty
Is there a possibility that you have been accidently overlooked though?

Doingthebattybat Wed 13-Dec-17 16:28:03

That’s really crap Dotty. It’s not ridiculous to cry over this. It’s natural to feel hurt and upset. No telling you to get your big girl pants on from me. Just a big hug and sod the miserable colleagues you work with. It’s so hard to imagine being like these people. You are a million times better than them.

ShowMeTheElf Wed 13-Dec-17 16:28:14

If they copied you in then the original omission was an error.
Reply to the organiser saying that this is the first you were aware of it, you'd love to come, and how much do you owe?

DoubleLottchen Wed 13-Dec-17 16:28:34

How do you know you had "accidentally" been copied in.

Maybe you were copied in on purpose to check that you knew about it.

Fekko Wed 13-Dec-17 16:31:24

Maybe you are not on the 'all x dept' email list.

In my last company I was there over a year and the dozy PA never bothered to add anyone new to the 'all staff' email so I never knew what the hell was going on! (Well that was my excuse anyway)

DottyS Wed 13-Dec-17 16:31:51

No I normally work in the office five days a week - today was an exception as I had a medical appointment so was easier to work from home.

Unfortunately it wasn't an oversight - there are only eight of us in the team and we share a small open plan office so there is no way they forgot me. I guess they just do not like me (and here I thought they did) and I found out the table was only booked for seven people.

I am now dreading going into the office tomorrow.

BewareOfDragons Wed 13-Dec-17 16:32:08

I think you need to speak up, OP.
Good luck.

PolaDeVeboise Wed 13-Dec-17 16:35:34

You sound like you suspected previously they dislike you - have they ever given you reason to think this?

Fekko Wed 13-Dec-17 16:36:34

And this includes the boss/ team admin person? It's a bit obvious - must be a mistake.

Littlelambpeep Wed 13-Dec-17 16:38:22


Nothing I can advise op but I truly hope it is a mistake.

ButteredScone Wed 13-Dec-17 16:38:28

Noooo! Don't jump to conclusions or they really won't be happy.

You must be fair. First find out if they really did mean to exclude you.

thenightsky Wed 13-Dec-17 16:39:38

Do they not think you'll notice when they all get up and go out for lunch at the same time next Tuesday? confused

Fellia Wed 13-Dec-17 16:41:10

How did you find out it was only booked for 7?

Seems if they genuinely were trying to exclude you they wouldn’t be so stupid to copy you in to the email.

Hope it’s an error OP.

GottadoitGottadoit Wed 13-Dec-17 16:41:36

This is a bit weird. Sire,y if you share an office and thought they liked you, any reasonable person would jump to 101 conclusions before thinking they had been deliberately excluded confused

sillywitch Wed 13-Dec-17 16:42:09

I'm going to go against the grain - screw it. I'd rather know they don't like me and spend time with people who do like me. Such behaviour I'd put down to being rude and exclusive, and wouldn't want them as pals. To invite seven out of eight people us pathetic and childish. You're much better than that OP.

DottyS Wed 13-Dec-17 16:50:35

Yes I really did think they liked me - not now of course. I found out about the booking because I did a bit of digging, they are using an in-house restaurant (our employer owns several for the use of staff).

The boss and admin person must have known I had been left off the invitation list (there are only eight of us) and as for Tuesday when they all would have left - I don't know,

I think I'm in shock about the whole thing

Fekko Wed 13-Dec-17 16:53:46

I think a box of laxative-laced donuts for the team is in order.

blueskyinmarch Wed 13-Dec-17 16:55:01

I would e mail back to all and say 'That's great, i will put it in my diary' then leave it to them.

Surely it is an oversight? I don't believe teams would purposefully miss someone out of and actual team lunch!

What would they say to you when they all got up and left at 12.30 or whatever?

RebeccaWrongDaily Wed 13-Dec-17 16:55:34

i think you need to speak to your boss, since they are 'in' on this

Whinesalot Wed 13-Dec-17 16:55:45

I think there could have been a reply by date and as you didn't reply then your place wasn't booked. They fact you were copied in leads us to think that you weren't deliberately excluded.

I'd email back. "Hey guys, where's my invite? I don't know anything about this* And then see what the response is before assuming the worst.
If they did deliberately exclude you, then you won't be any worse off, calling them out on it via email.

RedSkyAtNight Wed 13-Dec-17 16:56:42

I second making sure that it was not an accidental oversight.
The table booking is irrelevant - it would surely be booked for the number of people that responded and you clearly didn't as you didn't know about it!

Have to admit that in your case (where you think your team like you) I would have simply replied to your colleague's email asking if you can come too, or if it's a private lunch (or something similar) and wait to see how they respond.

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