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Is the loss of my stalker making me depressed?

(17 Posts)
SusanDelfino Wed 13-Dec-17 14:43:06

This might sound strange and I should be happy. But I'm not. I had an ex boyfriend stalk me for quite a few months until very recently. While it was going on I was obviously stressed and on edge. My normal life fell to the wayside a bit due to a lot of appointments needed to deal with the stalking and I thought my life and new relationship would be perfect with the stalker being out of my life. He is now gone and while I was relieved for about a week , I feel like I have now crashed. I'm constantly emotional, tearful and down. I feel I'm paranoid about my new boyfriend (the stalker was trying to push us apart), like I'm sabotaging the relationship. I have no energy and want to sleep all of the time. I can't stay on top of my responsibilities and I feel like a shell of my former self. I obviously don't want to be stalked again, I was living in fear, but is it possible that if you were running on adrenaline for a long time and then you aren't anymore, that can lead to depression? I just feel down and anxious and I don't know how to stop it and be more positive again.

kateclarke Wed 13-Dec-17 14:46:59

Maybe it a form of PTSD?

Sounds really hard.

Do you feel you are getting enough help?

tectonicplates Wed 13-Dec-17 14:48:07

is it possible that if you were running on adrenaline for a long time and then you aren't anymore, that can lead to depression?

It can certainly cause a crash of sorts.

Do you have any support like counselling? Have you seen a doctor? These things can affect your health.

TitaniasCloset Wed 13-Dec-17 14:52:18

I react to stress just like this OP! At the time I get through the major dramas, people think I'm amazing and strong, but once I get a chance I completely crash and it's then that my emotions hit me. I also find it very difficult to cry like a normal person.

Be kind to yourself. It makes sense that you have been running on adrenaline and the moment you feel safe again your mind and body crashes. You are probably exhausted in every way.

Be kind, pamper yourself, eat some really nice food, whatever makes you happy. Try to get early nights, if you can't sleep or are too depressed get a small script for sleeping pills and perhaps try anti depressants. Stay away from people and places you know will drain you. Also try to keep some structure in your day to day so that you don't just collapse in a heap and refuse to come out from the duvet again. Avoid alcohol, it will only make you feel worse.

Sorry you are going through this thankscake

SusanDelfino Wed 13-Dec-17 14:52:49

I stopped seeing my WA support worker when the stalking stopped. I just wanted to be finished it all and put things behind me. So no, no real support other than my boyfriend and with him, I feel I've been pushing him away by being constantly suspicious when he's generally being lovely. It feels like despite being gone now the stalker is still achieving what one of his aims was, to come between my boyfriend and me. He doesn't even have to do anything anymore. Maybe I'm just depressed in general and the timing is coincidence but I feel like I need an explanation for these feelings when it should be such a happy time in my life.

TitaniasCloset Wed 13-Dec-17 14:53:56

I really think you need some extra support.

SusanDelfino Wed 13-Dec-17 14:55:47

I was drunk on my work Xmas night last weekend and when I got home, I turned into a hysterical mess. I had thoughts of self harm I wouldn't ever admit I'm real life. So yes, probably best to stay away from alcohol for now.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 13-Dec-17 14:57:48

It’s all so recent. Unfortunately we can’t just ‘snap out of it’ when something traumatic is over. You must have been managing so many difficult feelings during the time he was stalking you, so to have a crash like this now seems to me to be completely normal. Temporary and normal. You’ve had to focus on the stalking and on dealing with it, and now is the time to focus on you: be gentle with yourself, feel your feelings (which are totally valid) and move through the new phase.

TitaniasCloset Wed 13-Dec-17 15:00:05

Yes this does sound like a reaction to trauma and depression. You need to keep yourself safe and go back to your gp or whoever to get regular counselling. You are not well love. But you will get over this, you won't feel like this forever. Also it's my childhood and huge traumas that have made me react to stress like this, my sister is similar, so I would imagine if you already have trauma from something in the past this year will have compounded that if you see what I mean. I'm no expert though.

SusanDelfino Wed 13-Dec-17 17:38:33

Do you think a GP would say I need counselling?

theculture Wed 13-Dec-17 17:55:08

Not stalking but I was very stressed at work for over a year, when it stopped I got very anxious and became fixated on the potential to be mugged on the way home, it really affected my life

It was like my brain had an empty space which used to be filled with stress and when that went away had to find something else to fill it with instead sad

In fact I never logically fixed it - I moved somewhere else, but yes I think going to a councilor or doing exercise or yoga etc could help?

And also when you feel better and strong, don't be surprised if your boyfriend then feels able to be a bit down too. I noticed with my mum who had to support my dad through a hard time, that when he was back on an even keel she had her own mini depression

Hope all goes well in your future thanks

TitaniasCloset Wed 13-Dec-17 18:02:34

In my experience you really have to push the GP to refer you because waiting lists are so long. I have heard that Mind sometimes offers free counselling. But I really do think you would benefit from it.

SusanDelfino Wed 13-Dec-17 18:02:39

theculture, I am totally obsessing about my boyfriend leaving me or cheating on me. None of this was in my head when the stalking went on. It's like I'm looking for reasons and signs that this is what is happening with him. I need to stop. My brain literally doesn't switch off anymore.

TitaniasCloset Wed 13-Dec-17 18:04:26

That's depression. And medication can often help.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Wed 13-Dec-17 18:14:43

I know this isn’t AIBU but in any case YANBU! My very dear friend was stalked by an ex girlfriend. It took up so much of his life, time and emotional energy. When she stopped, suddenly, and for no discernible reason, he actually said he needed to know why/what etc and suggested he might call her as he needed that (horrid word) ‘closure’. We, his friends, thankfully made him see sense, but I do think it was a form of PTSD. Do seek counselling if at all possible, you need to be able leave this behind you where it belongs.

theculture Wed 13-Dec-17 19:28:41

It's really annoying- the logical part of you knows you are wrong to think like this but it's impossible to let go!

Frustrationqueen Wed 13-Dec-17 19:36:01

It is probably more so down to the fact that now it is over, your mind is able to process things properly.
Being stalked can be traumatic, always being on edge etc. Your mind would never have been able to focus properly. Now it can, its probably processing things from when this all started.
Feelings and thoughts that were there at the time, only just unable to focus on due to the stress of the stalking situation.

I hope you are able to feel better soon

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