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(16 Posts)
tigercub50 Tue 12-Dec-17 00:32:08

We moved house a few weeks ago & need to buy storage, so it still looks a little like it did when we first got in & there are a fair few bags, boxes etc around. DH put up our new wardrobe tonight then came down, saying we need to change our habits & that he is worried that all the stuff won’t fit in the wardrobe. One of the habits is DD tending to dump some of her clothes on the back of the sofa.
Anyway, I still sometimes tend to hark back to “ the bad old days” & I got defensive even though I actually think DH was talking generally & not meaning to have a go at DD & me (DD was in bed anyway). He did say my pile of stuff I always have on the sofa gets to him & couldn’t I shove it all in the magazine rack when I’m not using it? I’m not really sure what it is but I don’t like these conversations & I wondered if anyone else’s DH is perhaps just a little bit anal? And he keeps saying I have too many clothes & should get rid of about half. I did tell him that I bought a lot of things when I was unhappy to try to make myself feel better ( I only realised that later on). I am not sure he will ever really understand the impact his behaviour had but equally I have to move on & not let that rubbish in the past cloud my judgement on how he’s behaving/speaking to me now. He can still come across a bit like my employer or my Dad even though all he’s doing is suggesting things, not telling me what to do. He has a right to express his opinion, just as I have, but somehow I always hear criticism even if he is talking in general terms. As I pointed out the stuff in the bags & boxes belongs to all of us.
This is a bit “ rambly” but hope it makes sense.

tigercub50 Tue 12-Dec-17 00:38:33

P .S I also reminded him that when the mess got to me, he wasn’t exactly dismissive but he just said it would be better when the storage came & that was all we could do. But I didn’t make it personal & he has. He does own a lot less stuff though & doesn’t leave piles around!

SandAndSea Tue 12-Dec-17 00:40:41

If you'd like some help getting rid of stuff, come and join us over here:

Katedotness1963 Tue 12-Dec-17 04:42:53

I can't relax if there's piles of stuff lying around. Clothes dumped on the back of the couch would do my head in!

tigercub50 Tue 12-Dec-17 09:33:41


saladdays66 Tue 12-Dec-17 09:35:47

A pile of stuff on the couch would annoy the hell out me too, and I just wouldn't be able to relax until it had been tidied away, so I can understand your h's point of view. Couches are for sitting on! Put stuff away!

formerbabe Tue 12-Dec-17 09:39:03

He did say my pile of stuff I always have on the sofa gets to him

What 'stuff' is it?

tigercub50 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:43:38

I tend to have a pile of magazines, my diary, various lists etc. DH was making a point about the house not looking inviting if people come round, plus the pile takes up one side of my sofa

tigercub50 Tue 12-Dec-17 10:44:47

When I see that in writing, I realise he’s not being anal. But I do wish his manner was different!

SandAndSea Tue 12-Dec-17 10:48:36

Have you got some kind of coffee table or trunk which could house your bits instead of the sofa?

Fragglewump Tue 12-Dec-17 10:53:11

I think you are like me - have too many things for complicated reasons and struggle to let go and if you combine that with being messy the house will look like a shit are probably upset by your Dh because you know he’s right and feel bad about yourself so project that onto him so you feel less guilty. He’s probably right so you need to decide if having the mess and things make you feel good or bad. If good then you need to compromise so you can both enjoy your home - if bad then do something about it. I know it’s hard but you can do it. The fly lady helped me and so did kon Mari - both have threads on here!

formerbabe Tue 12-Dec-17 11:18:55

I tend to have a pile of magazines, my diary, various lists etc

Lists can go on your phone surely? Same for whatever goes in your diary...or keep it all in your handbag.

How many magazines are we talking about and how long do you keep them for? One magazine kept for a week is reasonable... 5 magazines sitting on the sofa for a month would be really annoying!

saladdays66 Tue 12-Dec-17 20:33:41

Buy a chest for the lounge, or a table with storage, and put your stuff in there. Get a magazine rack. Be more disciplined about throwing things out/charity shopping them. Keep your diary elsewhere. The couch is for sitting on!

StealthNinjaMum Tue 12-Dec-17 20:56:42

Sorry you don't like the way he speaks to you but I would get annoyed if dh put stuff on one side of the sofa.

Other than that do you think you have too much clutter? If you just don't have storage space then you might have to have a cull.

StealthNinjaMum Tue 12-Dec-17 20:57:55

I'm also on the thread SandandSea posted about.

Wallywobbles Tue 12-Dec-17 21:11:07

4 kids that dump. Husband who can’t bare to get rid of stuff. Stuffing my big house into his smaller house is a bloody nightmare. I sympathize with your husband I’m afraid. Other people’s shit is shit. Sorry.

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