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please help me improve my self esteem.

(11 Posts)
Travaille Mon 11-Dec-17 22:16:35

The new year is nearly upon us and I really really want to work on myself. I'm fed up of being me. I went to counselling last year. It was CBT but unfortunately it didn't really help.
I've since read a few self help books but nothing seems to boost my self esteem/ image.

My issues stem from early childhood and my negative thoughts about myself are very deeply ingrained.

I am wondering if anyone can direct me to any books that helped them. I would prefer not to read anything CBT related as I have read alot and I really don't think it's for me. I'm looking for something that would maybe help me understand myself better maybe.

FloWriter Mon 11-Dec-17 22:41:44

Hey Trav sorry you're feeling like this. I've been there but this past 18 months or so I have been living by The Law of Attraction as explained in the book The Secret. A friend recommended it to me years ago and I thought it was a load of airy fairy crap! But I decided to give it a go and it's honestly change my life. It's taught me to look forward, be gracious and thankful for all I have in my life and above all be positive. I'll admit, it took me a while to get fully into it but I can now say that I'm a much more positive person and I'm excited for 2018 and what it will bring.
Give it a go x

FloWriter Mon 11-Dec-17 22:43:23

P.s. it doesn't make all the rubbish disappear but it's helped me cope and deal with it with an honest smile and confidence

SnowGlitter Mon 11-Dec-17 22:44:11

I don't have any books to recommend I'm afriad.

As for raising self esteem, some of the tried and tested things they suggest are pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and realising you can do it; volunteering and realising you make a difference/positive impact; general self care things to value and cherish yourself; finding someone/something to love.

I have to say, I do all of these. I could write you a list of the things I've done that should raise self esteem, but the damage is too deep for any of it to have a lasting impact. So I don't know if they will help you, but it is still worth doing for the short term effects if nothing else. Good luck flowers

Chaosofcalm Mon 11-Dec-17 22:49:04

I agree with snow I don’t think any amounts of books are going to make you feel better about yourself. You need to do stuff, make write a list of things you want to try or take up again anything from baking a cake or sky diving and anything in between and then try doing a few things on the list.

AckleAckencacker Tue 12-Dec-17 01:37:16

I have very low self esteem. But to be honest I am getting much better. I tried books - didnt work. CBT - really didn't work. In fact CBT just made me feel worse. But now I feel better in myself a lot of the time.
Unfortunately I am feeling better about myself because (god here comes the hippy bit) I am accepting myself. Who cares if I like to stay in a lot. Do you know what? I am not sociable, I like staying home with books and I dont mind silence around me. Yes to you I am a miserable git, but I LIKE being a miserable git.
Of course once I am around pthers I feel like I am not good enough, a disappointment, should try harder, Just Not Normal. But I am getting better, alone, where I like it. (with DP and 2DC, who bring socialising into the house <sob> but I put up with it and never let on to them. Because they are social and its ok to be different.)
Yeah, spoiler alert I am socially inept, dont know what to say and then say too much. But yeah. Basically from what I can tell the books and CBT are just means to an end. Accepting you. Why change who you are? This is who your parent s/siblings/DP/DC love you are right the way you are. If other people dont lime it then fuck them.
Now I just have to practise feeling that Outside the house. Around others.
Shutting up now.
Good Luck Terrific Travaille

AckleAckencacker Tue 12-Dec-17 01:41:22

Aaaarrrggggghhhh I posted it, I pressed post
<panic dance>
The social. It meeelllttss me eeuurrgghhh.

cough cough


AckleAckencacker Tue 12-Dec-17 01:42:22

Fuck you
I like being strange.
<flounces off with nose literally in air>

CMH123 Tue 12-Dec-17 07:48:01

Another vote for The Secret, but also coupled with doing stuff. It might only be little things that you do, but that powered with the Law of Attraction will be a forceful mix. It's not the fake American false positivity that I expected, it's simply about retraining your brain. Lots of books on LoA on Amazon too. Good luck!

Travaille Tue 12-Dec-17 10:03:23

Thanks I will have a look at the secret. Tbh I thought it was all a bit woo and really would never have considered reading it.

SnowGlitter Tue 12-Dec-17 10:10:22

I would also suggest getting psychotherapy for the deep seated issues, Travaille. Until those are addressed there is only so much 'self help' can do.

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