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Not invited to friends, Xmas dinner. Wwyd?

(16 Posts)
thinkfast Mon 11-Dec-17 18:38:01

For the last 10 years or so, a group of our friends arrange a Xmas dinner in a restaurant each year and DH and I are usually invited. The others in the group have all been friends since school and I'll admit we aren't the closest part of the group, but they are people we consider friends. DH has been friends with them since about the age of 15 and I've been friends with them since about the age of 18 - so I've known them for around 20 years.

We weren't able to make it last year as DH was working and I couldn't get a babysitter. Prior to that DH and I have both been, or I've been without him if DH has to work.

2 out of the group of friends who no longer live nearby, came round for afternoon tea with me on Saturday afternoon. On Sunday morning it became clear on social media that at least 12 of them had the Xmas dinner on Saturday night. Dh and I weren't invited this year.

I'm feeling pretty disappointed we were left out. I'm tempted to either ask one of the group privately why we weren't invited. Also quite tempted to comment on social media "where was our invite?" Clearly if I ask the question there's quite a big chance the answer will be upsetting.

Would you ask why you were left out? Or just leave it?

Haggisfish Mon 11-Dec-17 18:39:55

I would ask and next year message beforehand to ask when it is etc!

NormHonal Mon 11-Dec-17 18:42:47

Could it be something as simple as it was arranged via a WhatsApp group and you had taken yourself off because of missing last year, and no one else noticed?

Has happened to me. If the group is big enough no one might have spotted you weren't on it.

Makingahome Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:39

Did you not realise on the Saturday afternoon tea

Tinselistacky Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:53

You need to ask outright.
You are entitled to know where you stand in this friendship.

BenLui Mon 11-Dec-17 18:44:54

I’d politely and without drama ask the organiser why we weren’t invited.

thinkfast Mon 11-Dec-17 19:02:20

The couple who came round in the afternoon said that they were going round to a relative's they evening. The relative is also part of the group. I did suspect it was perhaps the Xmas dinner but didn't feel brave enough to ask outright... I kind of feel what's the point in asking. We were either unwanted or forgotten...

MunchMunch Mon 11-Dec-17 19:06:43

So they told a porkie then?

Ok they'd actually be with their relative just not at their house like they said?

That says (IMO) that you definitely weren't invited (rather than has been suggested) that no one realises you had been missed off a group chat.

minipie Mon 11-Dec-17 19:12:42

I have a group like this, DH and I are part of it but on the edges. Over the years there have been various things we've not been invited to (plus plenty we have). It has been upsetting at times but basically I've learned not to expect too much and have focused my energies on building up other friendships so this group isn't so key.

BalloonSlayer Mon 11-Dec-17 19:15:36

I expect they'll say "oh you didn't bother coming last year so we thought you weren't all that interested."

ihavetogoshoppingnow Mon 11-Dec-17 19:22:30

This happened to me and DP. His friend for years and his other friends GF had birthdays 2 days apart so we would always go out for around the weekend it fell. A week before DP messaged his friend to find out what was happening, he said they hadn’t planned anything yet. Then a few days later it was all over FB they were on their night out and we hadn’t been invited sad the GF deleted us both off FB and the rest of DPs friends never said anything. It’s been 3 years and they’ve never spoken to us since. I feel awful for DP loosing a whole circle of friends and also for us loosing the only friends we had that also have DC

Witchend Mon 11-Dec-17 19:38:39

Was it normally in a restaurant, but this time at one person's house?

It may have been that the person whose house it was invited them round for a meal without thinking it would replace the one in a restaurant, but then it evolved into that, and no one thought to add you to the invite.

You also say "at least 12 of them" so it may be that the group has split, and, because you aren't really close to them, you've fallen between the groups.

thinkfast Mon 11-Dec-17 21:06:42

The photo I saw had 12 of them in a restaurant. There could've been a few more people further along the table, or it might've been everyone that turned up. Still can't decide if I should text one of them to see why we weren't included

SandAndSea Mon 11-Dec-17 21:13:46

I think most of us would be upset by this. Perhaps message one person privately to ask? I think I might add something like, "I do hope we haven't upset anyone?" I don't think there's anything to be gained by going for it on fb in front of everyone.

Tinselistacky Mon 11-Dec-17 21:14:20

Can you 'like' the photo and see what response you get?

TheweewitchRoz Mon 11-Dec-17 21:18:17

That's hurtful Op - Id have to ask.

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