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Unhappy about hosting guests at Christmas

(72 Posts)
Floellabumbags Mon 11-Dec-17 16:53:54

DH's friend, wife and child have invited themselves for a few days over Christmas. We live in a tiny house with no spare room or spare bed. We dont even have a sofa bed.
DD has enormous issues with her mental health, she has only attended school for two days in the last four weeks and is hugely anxious. CAMHS have arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist for her during this proposed visit. At the moment she's a full time job, I'm not dealing well with my ten year old needing a psychiatrist because she's suicidal and having panic attacks and I just can't be arsed with entertaining people with all this going on.
I can't decide if I'm being a grinch or if we just don't need this added pressure.
Another factor is that DS spent last Christmas in hospital and I just want peace.

So what would everyone else do? Cancel or grit your teeth?

BlackHillsofDakota Mon 11-Dec-17 16:55:41

I wouldn't have agreed in the first place, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate! I'd cancel but do it sooner rather than later so they can make other plans.

ijustwannadance Mon 11-Dec-17 16:55:46

Bloody hell, JUST SAY NO!!!!!

AmySueGina Mon 11-Dec-17 16:56:52

"No" is a full sentence.

MrsJayy Mon 11-Dec-17 16:56:56

Ask them to book into a travel lodge i am not sure how they managed to invite themselves when you have literally nowhere for them to sleep

Mulberry72 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:56:59

Cancel definitely! Your DD comes first.

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 11-Dec-17 16:57:55

Just ring them and explain you have too much going on.

Why did they think they could just invite themselves? It's a weird thing to do.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Mon 11-Dec-17 16:58:38

CANCEL, right now ! 😡
You have enough on your plate, they are very CFs.

PanPanPanPing Mon 11-Dec-17 17:00:42

How ridiculous. If, and that is if, you're happy to host them for Christmas lunch/dinner, then tell them they're welcome to come to yours for a few hours for the meal .... but they must stay in a hotel.

BagelGoesWalking Mon 11-Dec-17 17:01:24


You have so much to deal with and you'll feel horrible having to allocate time to guests when your DD is having such a hard time.

Please tell them you can't. Get your DH to do it if it's his friend. Where on earth does your DH think they'll sleep if you have no spare room? Ridiculous.

FinallyHere Mon 11-Dec-17 17:05:17

I'm intrigued to know how people could invite them selves against your wishes, against your best interests. How could that conversation have happened? Don't bother answering, OP, but do be kind to yourself and maybe practice a few simple sentences, things like "sorry, that won't be possible "

All the very best for you and your DD, hope you get some peace with that.

Pumperthepumper Mon 11-Dec-17 17:07:36

Definitely cancel! No way should you have anything else on your plate!

LaGattaNera Mon 11-Dec-17 17:08:47

Even without your DD, it would still have to be a no - where did they think they would sleep? Upright in a wardrobe? Astonishing. No no no.

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 17:09:08

When and how did they “invite themselves”? Presumably either you or DH arranged this?

Fine to cancel, but better do so sooner rather than later.

purplecorkheart Mon 11-Dec-17 17:09:25


DeStijl Mon 11-Dec-17 17:09:45

Say no and say it quickly so they can make other plabs. The longer you leave it the more difficult it'll be and you'll get guilt tripped into having them.
Any reasonable person can see you could do without visitors at the moment.

Jogel Mon 11-Dec-17 17:10:17

How did they invite themselves? Someone must have agreed to their visit. Of course you're not being a Grinch if you don't even have a bedroom for them. Where are they expecting to sleep? I can't see why they'd want to sleep on someone's floor over Christmas.
If DH told them yes, he needs to tell them he's made a mistake and that you can't host them.

PaperdollCartoon Mon 11-Dec-17 17:15:00

Definitely cancel, you don’t need to host anyone with so much going on. I’ll echo others - how did they invite themselves (did you DH invite them without asking you?) and where did they expect to sleep?

Floellabumbags Mon 11-Dec-17 17:17:50

Thank you all. They're DH's friends and he's very laid back and much of the persuasion that we can just have the kids on airbeds in our room so he said yes. In fairness, DD wasn't this bad when arrangements were made but things have absolutely snowballed in the last few weeks and it's getting very difficult.

This week we're seeing CAMHS three times, our GP once (maybe more because I've developed a strange facial swelling and earrache), taking her to the hospital for blood tests, I've got an assessment with a psychologist because I need support, DS has his school play, DH is away (he works away 2 days a week and I have no back up) and a meeting with the head teacher.

I think I'm just a bit done.

Dozer Mon 11-Dec-17 17:20:11

One thing being “laid back” for oneself, another to make commitments that affect others who feel differently.

If he agreed to host without consulting you first he shouldn’t have.

Will he be willing to cancel? In your shoes I would be cancelling whatever his views!

Ermm Mon 11-Dec-17 17:23:53


puddingpen Mon 11-Dec-17 17:24:50

I've developed a strange facial swelling and earrache

...which could easily be suspected mumps - you can't risk passing it on, the jab isn't 100% effective. You'll have to tell them not to come. Oh dear, what a shame...

Nyx1 Mon 11-Dec-17 17:24:56

Your DH should tell them that your circumstances have changed. Do they know the details? If not, he could just say "problems at home, family health" or something.

They can have Xmas in their own home, wonder why they invited themselves initially. Are they CFs who just think someone else should cook or something?!

sorry for all you have to deal with at the mo flowers

shortgreengiraffe Mon 11-Dec-17 17:24:58

I am really laid back and have people visit regularly. But I wouldn't entertain in these circumstances. I would contact them asap and say that unfortunately you're no longer able to host them as DD isn't well enough. If they are good friends they'll understand that. If they don't then that tells you what you need to know.

puddingpen Mon 11-Dec-17 17:26:05

I mean, it could actually be mumps. Very important to get checked out by the GP as well!

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