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my child will not wear his coat and people are judging me!

(163 Posts)
HalfShellHero Sat 09-Dec-17 08:36:54

winkgrin .....but yes they probably are..its been since starting school in September, hes just become a Chronic home coat refuser! which in september not to bad but now!!!! its bloody freezing!! its relentless i dread everyday now, ive done the whole if you dont wear ya coat this happens etcit works for 5 mins ive got angry with him before and tried to be forceful but he went absolutely nuclear at pick up time, and im not getting hurt again for the sake of a coat , i have discussed this with the teachers they know its an issue rather than i dont try. Buts its so infuriating and embarrasing when pick up time hes takes it bloody off and is the only kid without one sad hes also maybe unrelated become clingy at drop off time which is a 360° for him...hes usually "cya later mum " and he's been getting clingy not wanting me to leave sad I just don't know what to do anymore ...anyone else experienced this?

HalfShellHero Sat 09-Dec-17 08:37:48

that should say *chronic coat refuser

Bobbybobbins Sat 09-Dec-17 08:38:28

Our two year old has just been through a phase of refusing his jacket (and pushchair and car seat sad) The only thing that has worked for us is bribery or distraction but I guess this might not work with a school age child. I feel your pain!,

thefutureisours Sat 09-Dec-17 08:39:34

I feel your pain! My toddler hates gloves, hats, shoes and socks. Not great at this time of year!

PurplePotatoes Sat 09-Dec-17 08:39:39

With you saying he's become clingy since starting school, do you think the coat thing is just a way to get extra attention? Have you tried just completely ignoring it and not making any comment on it? He might get bored (and cold!) soon enough!

OutandIntoday Sat 09-Dec-17 08:40:25

Lots of dc don't like heavy coats as it makes them feel restricted. Could you try one of the really light down ones (decathlon) is good for these- he might not feel like he is wearing it.

woofmiaowwoof Sat 09-Dec-17 08:40:47

I doubt anyone is judging - dd was a cost refuser too - they won’t die from short exposure to British cold weather! Make sure they weather a vest?

Tottyandmarchpane1 Sat 09-Dec-17 08:41:08

My 5 year old is a coat refuser, I have long since given up caring what people think. We always carry it with us but she never wears it. I don’t care anymore - if she’s cold, she’s cold, that’s literally the worst that can happen. Her choice.

WunWun Sat 09-Dec-17 08:41:09

I don't even bother trying. People can judge away!

Josieannathe2nd Sat 09-Dec-17 08:41:56

Sometimes I carry my kids coat so I feel that other parents can see that I do provide warm clothes for my children! Mostly I try to stay calm and suggest that when their fingers go red or start hurting it’s a sign they are cold and a coat would help! When they have just come out of school which is crazy hot they don’t often feel the need for a coat for a few minutes anyway so id just offer after a few minutes. One of my children had a phase of no coat but A thick jumper, hat, scarf, gloves and umbrella, which worked fine. I don’t think they always like being the feeling of a thick coat.

SandysMam Sat 09-Dec-17 08:42:00

Could you try a brightly coloured fleece, or let him chose something to wear over the top of his uniform? Doesn’t have to be a traditional coat, just anything to keep him warm. As for the dirty looks, don’t worry about it, it’s just a nice distraction for others from the fact thier little Jonny just bit Jane etc grin no one really cares.

SprogletsMum Sat 09-Dec-17 08:42:26

I refuse to argue about coats. If they're old enough to argue about it then they're old enough to get cold.
I would always take it though so that it's there if they realise they do want it.

Crumbs1 Sat 09-Dec-17 08:44:55

Nah lots of children dislike coats. They come to no harm whatsoever so I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d let him choose. He’s old enough to know if he feels cold. Skin is waterproof. It doesn’t give you any dreadful illnesses. Hypothermia is rare in children in the UK. Just avoid the battle. Mine wore shorts year round at primary age. We rarely did hats gloves, scarves as the just lost them.

Personally I dislike the stuffy, restrictive feel of coats too and rarely wear one.

00100001 Sat 09-Dec-17 08:47:11

"if she’s cold, she’s cold, that’s literally the worst that can happen."

We'll, the worst that could happen is getting hypothermia

ShiftyMcGifty Sat 09-Dec-17 08:47:39

“f she’s cold, she’s cold, that’s literally the worst that can happen. Her choice.”

It literally isn’t the worst that can happen. shock

Dexywexy Sat 09-Dec-17 08:48:24

My dc gets too hot and uncomfortable in a heavy coat. I try to find something he is happy to wear. He quite likes a light weight quilted jacket. He never, ever wears jumpers. I don't care if people judge me but I don't think they do. I have noticed some boys at school wear shorts no matter how cold it is and I don't think any thing negative about their parents. Some kids don't feel the cold.

SheepyFun Sat 09-Dec-17 08:48:28

I have one of those, and it was even worse when she was younger (she refused more and I got judged more). I got judged even more if she was wearing short sleeves, so in the winter she has to wear a long sleeved top/dress.

DD will put her coat on if it's really cold (below about 5C and windy), so she must just feel the cold differently. It's a battle I've chosen not to fight - she isn't the only one at school, which helps.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sat 09-Dec-17 08:49:39

Mine is still a coat refuser at 7. I think it's really common. However, mine will wear a sheepskin-type lined hoodie. We have the 'borg' ones from Boden but I expect you can get similar elsewhere. Doesn't help in rain but otherwise does the job.

Maybe you could also find a coat alternative that would be accepted.

Dexywexy Sat 09-Dec-17 08:51:22

Does your dc have any sensory issues? When it is very noisy at school I find my ds is very bothered by sensory things, for example may find clothes more uncomfortable and he may be more clingy to go into school. It is that time of year where there are lots of things on at school so the kids are not in their normal routine.

gobbin Sat 09-Dec-17 08:53:11

*if she’s cold, she’s cold, that’s literally the worst that can happen."
We'll, the worst that could happen is getting hypothermia*

Highly unlikely in a journey home from school scenario in most of the UK. My son was a coat refuser but would wear it with our insistence. As a 21 year old he doesn’t even have a coat now. He’ll wear a t shirt, football shirt and a hoodie for knocking about outside on cold days. Some people are just naturally warm and hate the restriction. I am the exact opposite and wear my down coat 5 months of the year 😂

Wolfiefan Sat 09-Dec-17 08:53:39

It's bloody freezing here at the moment. Mine don't get a choice. They wear a coat. (If they choose not to wear it at lunch or break I can't do anything about that!)

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert Sat 09-Dec-17 08:53:41

So let him walk to school without his coat. It’s only him that will feel the cold.

If you don’t make a fuss about it he’s not getting the attention that he is after.

Checklist Sat 09-Dec-17 08:54:25

DS refused to wear coat all through secondary school. Still on a school trip to Moscow, when it was -14, the teachers told him he could not go outside in a t shirt! Actually, I had bought him a woollen coat from Next for Russia. He did start wearing it in his 20s on the way to work!

He is the healthiest member of the family!

ThisIsNotARealAvo Sat 09-Dec-17 08:57:49

I was on a course and this was discussed. The course leader said that there was a girl who was refusing to wear her coat to school. Her dad was a single dad and getting very stressed out about her being cold but also about being judged by the school. The course leader advised this. She said has the girl got a coat? Does it fit her? It it a style she likes that is not embarrassing her? If so, call the school and tell them that she has a coat and she is choosing not to wear it. As a parent you can only provide a child with a suitable coat and you have done your bit. I have DS aged 10 who likes wearing shorts on freezing days something if he's channeling his inner Messi. I tell his teacher and put some jogging bottoms in his bag. Much less stressful all round.

And the girl in the story started wearing her coat once she realised she felt cold and it didn't wind her dad up.

Deathraystare Sat 09-Dec-17 08:57:53

I just read a friend's comment on FB. Years ago she would pick her son up from school to find him not wearing his blazer and /or his shoes. Now she is a teacher and noticing kids not always fully clothed...in the cold. So she cannot really go on at parents if she knows what the kids are like at school, can she??!!

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