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Conversation regret

(26 Posts)
ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:39:21

Does anyone else get this?

Where you chat to someone, then afterwards go over the conversation in your head and think 'why did I say that'. Not necessarily anything bad but something you just want to go back and say differently!

I do it all the time, I'm a bit of a chatterbox so when I see people in the street I know from my local town I'll chat and then think goodness why did I say that I feel stupid now, or worry they've taken what I said the wrong way or will think bad of me etc!

I've just been talking on the phone to a lady who I've known for years from where I used to work and she is going to be my boss in my new job in the New Year, I rambled on giving stupid details in the conversation that weren't necessary and then I went on to say that the girl who was dealing with my Recruitment was rubbish because she'd been so slow sorting my paperwork etc!!

I'm now sitting like shock thinking I need my mouth taping shut.

I may just stop talking to people full stop!

Hauntedlobster Thu 07-Dec-17 12:40:49

I’m like that, it’s a form of anxiety a lot of the time. I now reassure myself we all say daft things and they’ll not remember!

scortja Thu 07-Dec-17 12:41:12

Yes - but at least you keep talking - I think that's the best way!

I say something ludicrous, realise, then don't say anything else - leading people to assume/realise I'm a BIG WEIRDO

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:43:39

@Hauntedlobster yes I'm sure it's a social anxiety thing, I just don't know when to shut up and always try and be funny but end up thinking goodness that was insulting/harsh/inappropriate etc. shock

HermionesRightHook Thu 07-Dec-17 12:44:23

Yes. I ruminate so much that I've had to have therapy over it.

formerbabe Thu 07-Dec-17 12:44:47

All the time!

I try to console myself with the thought that most people have so much going on in their own lives, they are probably not spending their time analysing every single thing I said!

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:45:02

@scortja I'm not sure which is worse then go silent like you do or continuing to ramble on and say more stupid things! blush

Hauntedlobster Thu 07-Dec-17 12:46:19 are really good:

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:47:23

@formerbabe I try to tell myself that but I can't help going over it and being embarrassed.

Sometimes I've gone back to whoever I was talking to or messaged them and tried to explain what I meant that I wasn't being insulting/stupid etc and 9 times out of 10 they haven't even noticed that I'd said anything bad so it's probably right that people aren't thinking like I am. Doesn't stop me worrying though sad

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:47:43

@HermionesRightHook did the therapy help?

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:48:10

@Hauntedlobster the link doesn't work..?

HermionesRightHook Thu 07-Dec-17 12:49:49

...Yes. On balance. It was affecting my life very badly and I still have anxiety issues but on the whole I'm mentally healthier now. I still do it a bit but I'm not crippled by it any more.

Hauntedlobster Thu 07-Dec-17 12:50:38

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:52:29

@Hauntedlobster thank you going to have a read of that now

Whereland Thu 07-Dec-17 12:53:29

I'd try to stop messaging people afterwards too, I have a friend who does this all the time, and it's usually in relation to the most mundane innocuous comment she has made.. I never notice the comment but cringe when she texts and I have to reassure her that she hasn't offended me- I really don't offend easily!

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 12:55:38

@Whereland I've only done it a few times and just to family, luckily they know what I'm like grin

Heartofglass12345 Thu 07-Dec-17 13:05:58

Oh my god this is me, i feel like such a dick sometimes. I remember someone in work telling me i looked nice once and i was like 'no i dont i look ridiculous' or something along those lines. About half an hour later it dawned on me how rude i sounded and i looked for her to apologise but she had gone home, i felt bad about it for weeks afterwards!

ShuttyTown Thu 07-Dec-17 13:08:30

@Heartofglass12345 that's exactly something like I would say! Why do we do this confused

Openup41 Thu 07-Dec-17 13:13:48

I do this. I suffer with anxiety and overthink everything. I think back to conversations I had many years back (I am talking decades ago) and wish I had the guts to speak up. As a teen/early twenties I was a complete walkover and froze and looked awkward whenever someone was openly rude to me - including so called friends.

I hate that I am extremely slow with comebacks. I never say what I should and people took the absolute piss because of it. My anxiety stems from this period in my life. I am conscious of what others think. I feel very much misunderstood and spend too much time explaining myself.

Jaxhog Thu 07-Dec-17 13:14:51

Not just me then!

PolkaDottyRose Thu 07-Dec-17 13:16:15

I do it all the time. Still beating my self up about stuff I said years ago.

Openup41 Thu 07-Dec-17 13:16:47

heartofglass I say stupid things because I am often nervous. I have said happy birthday to someone when I meant goodbye!

I do not know how I function in society and hold down a management role. I play the part well.

EddieHitler Thu 07-Dec-17 13:17:24

I do the same. I'm still going over an innocent conversation I had on Tuesday! It's a pain, isn't it.

I also do the "No, I don't, I look hideous", thing when someone says I look nice, although I am trying "Thank you", at the moment, which seems to be taken much better. grin

JaneyGotAGun Thu 07-Dec-17 13:18:12

I do this too.
It's definitely a form of anxiety, like pp said I keep having to reassure myself that the person I was speaking to wouldn't have even noticed but I torment myself going over old conversations I've had with people

KindergartenKop Thu 07-Dec-17 13:34:47

I think my boss does this.

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