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I genuinely cannot cope with my toddler anymore

(68 Posts)
KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 19:09:34

Lone parent to 4DC. They spend around 1 and a half days at their dads in a week. Most of that is asleep time, actual daytime is around one day and they come home at 4pm.

I work 4 days a week. No family support. I’m literally doing all of this on my own.

2 year old is killing me. I can’t stand another tantrum or screech from her. Literally everything results in a screech at the top of her voice. Everything is a fight or an argument. I know this is how 2 years old are but I’m so so tired.

Think it’s because it’s come to a head a dad 1 went away for 2 weeks and then dad 2 went away for 2 weeks. So I’ve had 4 weeks without one second of child free/work free time. I realised yesterday that it’s been over a year since I last ate something that I hadn’t made myself.

I don’t know where to go from here. Have locked myself in the bedroom after trying to have a bath which ended in all 4 kids in the bathroom bickering and arguing. I’m literally shaking I’m so stressed

Heelllpppmeeeee Fri 24-Nov-17 19:14:16

No advice really, but just wanted to say that sounds so hard on you flowers how old are the other kids? Could they help around the house a bit more?

formerbabe Fri 24-Nov-17 19:16:13

Oh advice I'm afraid but lots of sympathy flowers

Furgggggg12 Fri 24-Nov-17 19:16:32

Fucking hell. Am a LP but only one DC. get them all in bed and have some wine/tea in the bath. Download the head space app and order a takeaway. You need to breathe.

Do you have a book you could read, to get you out of things a bit? No chores tonight.

Poor you OP.

shivermytimbers Fri 24-Nov-17 19:19:44

Bloody hell! That is full on shit. No advice but I think you must be amazing flowers

annandale Fri 24-Nov-17 19:20:15

Blooming heck. You desperately need a support network. Cry to your health visitor, get onto a parenting course, not because you need it but it should have a creche and at least it's a sit down with tea and biscuits flowers

Lukeandlorelai4Ever Fri 24-Nov-17 19:22:23

Hats off to you, seriously.
Get them all in to bed and have your bath with a glass of wine/ tea.
Have you got any respite for the weekend? flowers

KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 19:27:22

I’m actually crying that you are being so nice. I don’t feel amazing I feel stressed and shakey and horrible.

Oldest DC is 13, then 11 then 6 then 2. Older ones do help but I don’t want them to grow up thinking they were responsible for raising their siblings.

The bath situation has broken me. I repeatedly said before I got in that I needed some time to myself and to please please leave me alone for 30 mins. I then realised that I’d left the shampoo upstairs and called for one of them to bring it. That then erupted into a row over who was going to do it. 2 year old came in the bathroom and screamed to get in with me. DD “looked” at DS in a horrible way and on and on and on. I can hear them all downstairs now banging around (someone jumping off the coffee table), arguing over who’s sitting where and who used the charger last. I would pay a million pounds to have another adult to sort them out just once.

Can’t go to health visitor. I’ve never seen her since DD was 12mths and she came round with a student. She said I was her “poster child” for single mothers and could cope with anything. I literally burst into tears the second she left.

Grumblepants Fri 24-Nov-17 19:28:09

Can you take a days holiday from work and ship the kids off to nursery/school? Have a you day? Or do you have any neighbours or friends that might watch them for an hour or two, or a babysitting service. You are doing so much on your own so give yourself some credit and if you need to go into a separate room and scream into a pillow the do it.

KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 19:29:35

I’m going to go down and do dinner now, luckily I batch cook so just shove in the oven. Then I’m going to bed.

No respite this weekend from the 2 year old but the other 3 will go for 24hrs. 2 year olds dad has gone away with his girlfriend for a birthday treat.

MotherofPearl Fri 24-Nov-17 19:32:58

Another one not wanting to read and run. That sounds unbelievably tough OP, both emotionally and physically. You must be exhausted. I second what a PP said about trying to book a day off work they're in school/childcare, and force yourself not to do any chores - just rest and do something nice for yourself.
FWIW, I don't think it does older DC any harm helping with the younger ones. It's good for them to learn a sense of responsibility.
Hope you get some peace this evening when they're in bed. thanks

BambooWhoosh Fri 24-Nov-17 19:35:36

How about Homestart? Perhaps they could send a volunteer to give you some time with the littlest ones.

MummyInHeel Fri 24-Nov-17 19:40:34

Sounds like you are doing a great job juggling career with 4 children! Wait until they are all in bed, have that bath again, with wine. Plan to order yourself a lovely take away tomorrow. Bite size chunks - everyone asleep? Success. Everyone fed? Success.

calamityjam Fri 24-Nov-17 19:46:11

Can you take your 2 year old to soft play in the morning? They can run themselves ragged while you mumsnet with a coffee, then when you get home, they could have a nap? I'm a mum of 4, although mine are older, 21,17,15 and 10. When mine were little, that's what I would've done.

RagingFemininist Fri 24-Nov-17 19:52:21

Can you enlist some help?

- from your older dcs. Not in looking afetr the younger ones. But maybe in cooking (they will have had some food tech lessons? Good way to do some ‘revision’ for school. Even if you get pasta once a week for the next 2 years they will have learnt an excellent skil!)
- from all the dcs to get their share of the work (so you have as little as possible)
- if you can, can you have someone coming to do a bit of cleaning (maybe an hour or two every other week)
- any support from friends or family?

annandale Fri 24-Nov-17 19:57:19

Wish I knew where you were, I would come and do an evening for you. I'd be shipped at it, which would show you what a great job you are doing. I could probably keep them alive though [doubtful] pm me if you are in Oxfordshire.

annandale Fri 24-Nov-17 19:57:56

Shit not shipped. Prudish autocorrect.

BambooWhoosh Fri 24-Nov-17 20:04:58

* sorry, I meant that perhaps a Homestart volunteer could give you some help and support especially with the youngest ones.

Ttbb Fri 24-Nov-17 20:10:02

I know how you feel. I really cannot stand toddler melt downs. All always fu d that instantly feel less annoyed if I have a cup of tea though. Not really a solution but the little things help. Don't forget to take the opportunity to do something for yourself even if it is very small. Well done for managing so far, you sound like a supermum to me!

TwoBobs Fri 24-Nov-17 20:12:00

Can you contact Home Start? They have volunteers that can come around for a few hours once a week to help with anything. Even play with the two year old while you put your feet up. They help families with a child under 5. No cost, as far as I'm aware.

KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 20:13:11

The eldest do help, probably more than most DC do at their age. DD put all the shopping away this evening before I asked her to. I can pop to the shop and leave the youngest with them for 5 mins if I need to.

It’s just the noise. It seems so loud. They seem so loud, it’s literally like a drill through my head everytime the toddler screams. DS will not listen to leave her alone. He isn’t trying to wind her up she screams at anything. Getting changed, getting in the car etc etc. She’s just being 2 but my god it’s hard.

Not in oxford but your offer means a lot!

KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 20:15:30

I’m going to google homestart. Probably very ignorant of me but I though they only helped out “in need” families referred from social services or something?

I’m going to look now. Yes on Fridays I do spend the day with the youngest just doing her stuff, soft play, woods, crafts etc. It means all housework and admin is crammed into the day I don’t have them until 4pm

Heelllpppmeeeee Fri 24-Nov-17 20:18:10

I know what you mean about not wanting to put too much on the older kids, but I really think a bit of responsibility never hurt anyone. As pp said it doesn't have to be looking after the younger ones, maybe some cooking/cleaning help.

Just a thought, could you try to co ordinate their time with their dads, so you get some time alone. Not sure what the situation is with them but could they have them for a full weekend?

I really feel for you though and think you sound amazing!

KatrinaSHamster Fri 24-Nov-17 20:25:35

Time is co-ordinated there just isn’t enough of it.

One dad won’t do full weekends as it means he would go too long between seeing them. The other one will but ideally I want to keep it co-ordinated as much as possible. However there are always people changing weekends around, holidays etc so I can go months without actually having any child free time (like now).

I just feel physically strung out.

Not sure we would qualify for homestart. Have considered advertising for a mother’s help? Maybe just an hr every night around 5/6pm when I’m doing homework and dinner? Lots of elderly people around here, maybe one of them might want a bit of extra money and some company? Not sure if that is really patronising!

Aweektilltheseason Fri 24-Nov-17 20:33:05

Op you are doing well, my 5 year old is getting better but my goodness it's still a slog.
It occurred to me tonight as we have no family help or support, without dh I wouldn't having to coped with her, not without money to put her in nursery.
Bribe cajole do anything to get through this with sanity. Make their dh pick up the slack tell them you need a proper break

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