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Uh oh. It's all over now.

(81 Posts)
MyKidAreTakingMySanity Wed 22-Nov-17 13:58:41

I've just eaten a very yummy chicken stew with dumplings M&S ready meal. If anything, it had too much chicken in. Okay, not a complaint I would ever thought I would have made but there it is. Too much chicken.

However, after eating it I noticed the packaging said it was to be used by yesterday. I bought the bloody thing yesterday! Not impressed Marks & Spencer! Not impressed at all. It wasn't even reduced.

So here I am. Waiting to die. That's it. It's all over. Taken out in my prime by out of date chicken and dumplings.

I'm so cold.

::dramatic cough::

My life is flashing before my eyes.

It's pretty boring.

Why didn't I travel more?

Farewell! So long.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 22-Nov-17 14:02:47

Farewell Mykids. Have you thought about the kind of send off you'd like? I'll open some gin in your honour (hopeful).

mumonashoestring Wed 22-Nov-17 14:03:34

Let us know where your funeral's going to be and we'll all club together and make a substitute 'floral' arrangement with our Sparks cards because fuckers are useless for everything else

MyKidAreTakingMySanity Wed 22-Nov-17 14:04:31

I was thinking Queen's "Who wants to live forever?" And "Another one bites the dust" at my funeral.

It would be nice if Gerard Butler did my eulogy too. But I'll take David Tennant if Gerard's busy.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Wed 22-Nov-17 14:05:00

flowersfor your grave.
winefor your wake guests.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck Wed 22-Nov-17 14:07:47

<rushes out to buy something smart and black>

W1a Wed 22-Nov-17 14:09:30

I’m a vicar.

Want to talk funeral ideas? Are you looking to have a lot of people? Will there be grieving M&S staff talking with sadness about how much they miss you custom?

GlitterRollerSkate Wed 22-Nov-17 14:11:53

Will there be the m & s sandwich platters?

KurriKurri Wed 22-Nov-17 14:12:09

Complain to M & S, they may send you a voucher for a wreath or a complimentary cup of coffee in their cafe which one of you relatives can enjoy after your demise. It' a win/win situation.

smile flowers < (Lilies)

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone Wed 22-Nov-17 14:12:31

We can throw Percy pigs onto the coffin

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 22-Nov-17 14:12:48

Can we have The Birdie Song? You know, to remember the chicken? Don't know what we'll do about the dumplings, but we'll think of something...

KurriKurri Wed 22-Nov-17 14:19:15

Will the funeral dress code be Per Una ?

Justbookedasummmerholiday Wed 22-Nov-17 14:21:36

We could have a Frozen cake and sing 'Let it Go' to the pall bearers!! grin

Justbookedasummmerholiday Wed 22-Nov-17 14:21:51

We could have a Frozen cake and sing 'Let it Go' to the pall bearers!! grin

DontJustDoItBnQItInTheStore Wed 22-Nov-17 14:26:32

Are you sure it was use by yesterday? Rather than "sell by" yesterday?

They are different and its an easy mistake

diddl Wed 22-Nov-17 14:30:03

Meh-you're only a few hours over.

Was it a least reduced?

At least then your last meal was a bargaingrin

BitOutOfPractice Wed 22-Nov-17 14:32:09

Leave the packaging out on the side so the police don't think your DH has done you in for the life insurance

Morphene Wed 22-Nov-17 14:32:31

Well I suppose being killed by M&S is slightly easier for the extended family to bear than being killed by S&M....or <whispers>.....Tescos.....

fruitbrewhaha Wed 22-Nov-17 14:37:16

Did it taste nice?
Maybe drink a load of gin/vodka to kill of the bugs.
As you only have a few hours to live is there anything on your bucket list we can help with?

Gilead Wed 22-Nov-17 14:37:23

Funky Chicken
flowers I'm sure it would have been nice knowing you!

BitOutOfPractice Wed 22-Nov-17 14:39:07

Don't walk towards the light OP

DB22 Wed 22-Nov-17 14:40:56

It's not just any death, it's an M&S death.

Butteredparsn1ps Wed 22-Nov-17 14:41:00

ha ha not just any old chicken stew & dumpling poisoning...

did you have a decent dessert?

ivenoideawhatimdoing Wed 22-Nov-17 14:43:41

We will have a Colin the Caterpillar at your wake and scatter Percy Pigs lovingly upon your open casket.

HooraySunshine Wed 22-Nov-17 14:44:42

Don't order your funeral flowers through M&S! I was sent '2 dozen' roses over the weekend which apparently M&S think means 22 roses. hmm

I vote you drive to Heathrow, hop on the first flight to anywhere and spend your last few hours making up for lost time! grin

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