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TA made DS put his bare hand down the toilet

(43 Posts)
WhaleRider Wed 22-Nov-17 10:33:37

DS is 5.

He says he went to the toilet, saw a plastic toy in one, so used another. He didn’t tell the teacher, as he thought they wouldn’t believe it wasn’t him who threw it in there. However, the next boy who went in accused DS, was believed over DS’s protestations, and DS was made to fish the toy out of the toilet with his bare hand.

I actually believe DS on this, that he didn’t do it. He is a really clean and careful child around toileting, and I honestly can’t see him thinking it’s a great plan to chuck something in. He also never went through the chucking-things in the-loo phase. But in any case, is it ok to make a child stick their bare hand in a toilet, whether they are guilty or not? Kids aren’t known for remembering to flush - who knows what he stuck his hand in!

Unfortunately DS seems to have a reputation with the school as a troublemaker, after a period last year after a close family bereavement when he did indeed get into a lot of trouble. He also gets sensory overload after being around a lot of people for a while; we have tried to get the school to understand this, but as he clearly doesn’t have SPD, he flies under the radar and just is assumed to be being a pain (which naturally he can also be!). He’s had a pretty good year this year, with just a few ripples. However, the fact that one child was instantly believed over DS makes me worry that he’s going to take that label with him through the next five years.

MamaPhoneHome Wed 22-Nov-17 10:35:15

No. That's no acceptable.

Even if it WAS him. An adult with rubber gloves on should have fished without and a more sensible punishment issued.

I be even more annoyed if he was innocent.

Pandoraphile Wed 22-Nov-17 10:35:20

Bloody hell! No way is that ok!
That's a serious complaint to head of year/pastoral care. Your poor little boy.

zzzzz Wed 22-Nov-17 10:36:51

Ignore all the “reputation” side of things which sounds horrid. Ask if he was made to put his bare hand down a public toilet and then wait for the explanation (there is no way this is ok but hear them out). Then complain through HT.

WhoWants2Know Wed 22-Nov-17 10:37:54

Regardless of who did it, I wouldn’t ask a kid to fish a toy out of the toilet. More so if there was no evidence that he had done it.

notfairscared Wed 22-Nov-17 10:38:03

Oh my goodness, no, I am a TA and there is no way we would do this. Just check the facts first but then complain!

shutitandtidyupgitface Wed 22-Nov-17 10:38:11

I presume you have checked with the TA to see that this is what actually happened and you're not just taking your 5 year olds word as gospel?

MyBeloved Wed 22-Nov-17 10:39:50

Having worked as a teacher and a TA, I would urge you to report this. Even if it was him, there is absolutely no way he should have been made to get the toy out of the toilet - bare handed or gloved.

Completely and utterly inappropriate, and there is absolutely no excuse or reason for this to have happened.

DrDiva Wed 22-Nov-17 11:37:06

Thank you. Yes, the story has been verified.

It’s nice to know it isn’t just us that find this pretty horrific!

WhaleRider Wed 22-Nov-17 11:38:34

Sorry, posted too soon and name change fail. Oh well.

The school is blanking us on trying to ensure this doesn’t happen again, and that the whole “reputation” thing gets sorted. I just don’t quite know where to go from here...

SilverSpot Wed 22-Nov-17 11:39:47

Would a fresh start at a different school work?

littledinaco Wed 22-Nov-17 11:45:54

The toilet thing is awful. It sounds like even if you get that sorted, there are going to be other incidents if he's known as a troublemaker sad and gets sensory overload.

The school should be putting things in place for the sensory overload, there are probably lots of things they can do which will take minimal effort of their part but make a massive difference to your DS. I would seriously be looking at other schools.

gamerchick Wed 22-Nov-17 11:50:22

IME the bolshy TAs who get away with unacceptable things are usually the ones who are good friends with the head.

Go over the schools head and formally complain outside of it.

Personally I would arrange a transfer to another school if possible so this ‘label’ doesn’t stick.

Sensimilla Wed 22-Nov-17 11:53:13

I would flush the GAs head in the toilet, for that angry

Floellabumbags Wed 22-Nov-17 11:57:59

IME the bolshy TAs who get away with unacceptable things are usually the ones who are good friends with the head

I wonder if we have children in the same school? There's one at ours who is referred to as "that one who hates kids" by children and adults alike. She's best friends with the Business Manager and pretty much untouchable.

Vixky Wed 22-Nov-17 12:13:46

Even if it had been him that did it, the TA was bang out of order for getting a kid to put their bare hand down a toilet.

AnnieAnoniMouse Wed 22-Nov-17 12:15:27

It’s totally unacceptable irrespective of whether he did it or not.

I would, if at all possible, change schools.

Firstly because if they find this acceptable, what the hell else would they find acceptable?

Secondly, he’s LITTLE and they’re not looking after his emotional needs at all.

He doesn’t feel looked after & cared about while he’s there, there’s no way I’d send my child into that day after day. Especially at 4.

Viviennemary Wed 22-Nov-17 12:17:47

I'd report them to Ofsted and your LA and anyone else I could think of. She shouldn't be getting away with this poor judgement and treatment of children. And shouldn't even be working with children. What a horrible woman. Disgusting. Her head should be stuck down a loo and see how she likes it.

diddl Wed 22-Nov-17 12:24:22

Even if he's a troublemaker that's awful when there is no evidence it was him.

If there was evidence it might possibly only have been OK with a glove & the knowledge that the toy had been thrown into a just flushed toilet.

"He didn’t tell the teacher, as he thought they wouldn’t believe it wasn’t him who threw it in there"-and he's right, isn't he?

How can that trust be rebuilt?

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 22-Nov-17 12:25:27

I would be pretty horrified by that as well

RhiannonOHara Wed 22-Nov-17 12:28:12

What do you mean they're blanking you? hmm That's not acceptable. Go to the governors or LA.

WhaleRider Wed 22-Nov-17 12:29:21

Thank you for all the posts. Floella def not the same school, we don’t have a business manager!

We are already looking at other schools and have put him on the waiting list for one. The whole reputation thing is really weighing on me in particular. He honestly tries really hard.

Finola1step Wed 22-Nov-17 12:31:00

Have you reported this to the HT? If so, what has been the reaction? I would expect a "Thank you for raising your concerns. I will start investigating the matter today and I will be in contact with you to discuss the matter further" type response.

stuckfornames Wed 22-Nov-17 12:31:35

That's hideous sad your poor DS!

I have a 5 year old DS and a 4 year old DD.. if they said that to me then I would believe them. They never went through the stage of throwing things in toilets and are very bothered about being clean too. They don't like having grubby hands etc.

I would 100% make a complaint.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 22-Nov-17 12:35:45

How can a School justify giving a 5 yo a reputation. This entire situation is disgusting.

Who is blanking you? The head?

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