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My Dh has had a heart attack help me hold it together

(77 Posts)
Cactusjelly00 Tue 21-Nov-17 01:16:33

It's 11am here (aest, not gmt)
Dh couldn't sleep last night so went into the spare room and was doing things on the computer. At about 5:20am I heard a thud. It woke ds (2)
I called out to Dh but he did not respond I ran to the spare room and found Dh on the floor. I called the ambulance and they talked me through what to do it took 25 minutes for them to arrive (we are in a regional area and I was surprised it was so fast tbh - we are in a regional area)
The call handler advised me to do chest compressions until the ambulance arrived.
When they did arrive I couldn't go with Dh because of Ds and I ended up just sat on the chair in the spare room holding ds for what felt like forever until ds asked if he could have ice cream.

I don't really understand what's going on I phoned The hospital at 8:45am to be told he'd arrived he was still alive but they couldn't really discuss his condition. I got shouty with lady on the phone and said something like you bloody will discuss his condition I can't fucking get there until this afternoon I need you to tell me my husband will be okay. She said he was stable but not out of danger yet and they are doing tests, they can't predict an outcome but they will discuss more with me later today. They will call me if there is an update. I'll be going down between 3-5ish pm I don't want to take ds there and I need to wait for sil (his brothers wife) to get up here (a 5hr drive) to watch ds. She will stay with me for a few days.

I feel so lost and in shock ds keeps asking wheres dada/daddy. I keep having to explain he has a bad chest and he's gone to the doctors to have it fixed ds is only 2, 3 soon but he doesn't understand what's going on and keeps asking I feel both erratic, terrified and devastated how can I hold it together for my son I don't want him to be scared.

We have only recently moved here and I so wish we hadn't we would've only been 10 minutes from the hospital otherwise I keep thinking what if he's going to die because we were so far away from help what am I going to do if I've killed my Dh by telling him to take the transfer here 😭

INeedNewShoes Tue 21-Nov-17 01:23:38

What an awful shock you've had.

Is there no one at all locally you could ask to look after your DS? It must feel wretched not being with DH at the hospital.

SeaToSki Tue 21-Nov-17 01:23:57

You poor thing, that must have been horrible. You did exactly the right thing, you heard him, ran immediately to him and got him medical help asap. With heat attacks, they say the first few hours are critical and you had him in a hospital getting proper medical care really quickly. Just hang in there, out some tv on for your dc and try to take your kind off things. If you cant then try distracting yourself with mindless work, clean the house, sort out clothes, anything really to make the time pass. Then when your sil get to you, go be with dh. Pack yourself a bag with a sweater, phone chargers, a snack for yourself, a book.

You have done everything right. Im sending you hugs

DontMentionTheWar Tue 21-Nov-17 01:24:18

Oh you poor thing. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a proper hug. It must be torture not knowing anything and not being able to be with your DH. Can you not take DS to the hospital or is there absolutely no-one else who can look after him for you? Wishing you and your DH all the positive vibes You can. xx

DontMentionTheWar Tue 21-Nov-17 01:25:01

That should be I can not you can.

HelenaDove Tue 21-Nov-17 01:26:07

Oh God im so sorry thanks My DH had a heart attack back in 2006 and his heart stopped and had to be restarted. So ive been where you are.

<hand hold>

YoureTheVoice Tue 21-Nov-17 01:26:16

I'm sorry Cactus, you must be terrified. sad

SIL will be there soon. Is there anyone else you can call or visit, to make the wait pass? Pop on ABC for Kids for DS and make yourself a strong cuppa.

Thinking of you flowers

HelenaDove Tue 21-Nov-17 01:32:04

Have some toast or biscuits with your tea if poss.

Cactusjelly00 Tue 21-Nov-17 01:34:03

The only person I know here is my landlady (lovely, but I don't know her very well and it would be inappropriate to ask) and my manager at work. The only people I do know that I would be ok leaving ds with live where we used to live (5hrs away) so I'm in the same situation whether I ask sil or someone else. We've been in this area less than a fortnight and I'm not the most social person to be honest.

I hope you're right that I've done everything I can sea I keep thinking would it have been better if I demanded he stayed in bed with me? Or went to the spare room with him? What if something awful happens and it's all my fault because we live in the middle of nowhere based on a transfer that I told Dh not to refuse (he was 50/50)
Under 12's aren't permitted outside of visiting hours (10-12) and I don't know what Dh will be like - I don't even know if he's conscious. So I don't want to scare ds by demanding he comes in with me and then traumatising him.
It is best I wait for sil, she's already on her way but exactly how fast she gets here depends on how often she stops for a rest etc and traffic. If she takes no stops and traffic is in her favour she could be here as early as 2:45/3. I've got a bag packed already and will be showering with ds soon. As soon as sil gets here I'll be out the door and in the car.

CakesRUs Tue 21-Nov-17 01:38:04

So sorry to read this. Couldn’t your SIL get there any faster??

Cactusjelly00 Tue 21-Nov-17 01:44:12

Thank you cakes.
Not really, it's a long stretch (just over 300 miles/490km) so even at the speed limit and taking no rest breaks it's still a long drive. a lot of it is highway driving though with only the last 50k or so being dirt roads etc, so she should be able to maintain high (but legal) safe speeds without too much bother for most of it. Which is the only saving grace here.

SomehowSomewhere1 Tue 21-Nov-17 01:44:17

Hand holding from across the water and hugs for all of you.

If you want to go to the hospital sooner, can your sil meet you there? Even if you have 5 mins with Dh and then sit in the canteen? Although your reasons make perfect sense and sil will be here soon.

Would organising things for sil and DS to do help, getting his snacks ready, etc.?

I’m not medical, but my layman’s knowledge has been that if a heart attack patient makes it to the hospital odds are so much better. You acted incredibly fast, everything is in his favour.

Seaweedisaweed Tue 21-Nov-17 01:44:55

Oh honey flowers
You have done absolutely no wrong. Please don’t beat yourself up. Big hug please update soon as you can

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 21-Nov-17 01:47:55

Why not call your landlady and your manager and ask them both if they know of a trusted babysitter that go to the hospital with you and sit with DS while you see DH. I would babysit in a heartbeat for you no matter how short a time you have been local and I am sure they would too. You are going to have to speak to your manager anyway.

Please call them, they would both probably be upset to hear that you didnt and sat there for hours waiting for SIL to turn up.

Thinking of you all xx

oldlaundbooth Tue 21-Nov-17 01:48:37

Crikey what a terrible shock for you all.

Just sit tight and wait for your SIL, you've had a huge shock.

MakeItStopNeville Tue 21-Nov-17 01:53:07

How utterly terrifying for you. You must be in complete and utter shock. Hope your family gets to you soon and you can get to your DH and find out what's happening. No advice at all but a hand hold from the USA too x

Cactusjelly00 Tue 21-Nov-17 01:56:29

Good idea Pyongyang. I will call them both - I would get someone in until sil arrives. I didn't think of asking for recommendations for paid childcare (wish there was a daft emoji) blush I think I'd give someone my life savings at the moment if it meant I could get to Dh and find out if he will be alright
I have been googling (I know I shouldn't) apparently the most dangerous time for heart attack patients is within the first hour, if they make it past that they are much more likely to be okay. I'll hold onto that and keep my fingers crossed.

I don't know what I'd do without him sad he can be a miserable sod but he's my miserable sod. And ds would be so lost sad

MakeItStopNeville Tue 21-Nov-17 01:59:56

The other thing is, I'm presuming you're British here, but it's not that inappropriate to reach out to people when you're new in town. I just think it's indoctrinated in us Brits that we shouldn't ask people we don't know so well for help.

When we first moved to the US, my son fell in our yard and snapped his arm in two. I freaked out and then got all my kids in the car to head to the hospital (which would have been TERRIBLE!) and my neighbour flagged me down, having heard the commotion, and offered to take them for me. It would never in a million years have crossed my mind to go round there myself and ask. People want to help newcomers more than we realise.

Even if your landlady and manager just give you advice, that's all helpful.

MakeItStopNeville Tue 21-Nov-17 02:00:42

Cross post! We all love our own miserable old sods!

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 21-Nov-17 02:09:27

Nohing daft about it at all, in a stressful situation is really hard to think straight. I hope that they can help you. And I agree that it is somehow hammered into us that we mustnt bother people, when in fact most people dont mind being bothered for a genuine emergency.


furlinedsheepskinjacket Tue 21-Nov-17 02:17:25


he is in the best place - don't know if this helps but there have been 3 heart attacks in my family over the last few years.all men - all are ok now.try not to worry.

please ask for help if you need it.

thinking of you and your family x

Cactusjelly00 Tue 21-Nov-17 02:21:42

Thank you all.
Landlady has given me the numbers of 4 babysitters her daughter uses for her 2 dc. I've called 2 both haven't got the ability to come up today but I'll be calling the other 2 now I've just made ds a sandwich. If these two are no use I'll just wait for sil as planned but I hope someone is able to do it as I'll be able to go up much quicker than waiting another 2.5-3+ hours for SIL.
I am British (but not in Britain obviously) and I do feel bad bothering strangers or near strangers. But needs must and if I can find a babysitter willing to do it I'm happy to pay a bit extra given the short notice so hopefully they don't mind a frantic last minute job.

CaledonianQueen Tue 21-Nov-17 02:38:02

My Dad had a massive heart attack six years ago and has since had a triple bypass, he is so much fitter now! My Dad was 55 when he took his heart attack, he was told that his youth went in his favour, his body was better able to heal itself after! I was terrified at the time, I always equated heart attack with death, so was surprised to hear that many people would be in, have a procedure to stent their arteries and be out pretty quickly! Medicine has really come on in the last twenty years!

I was stuck at home with a toddler and an autistic 4 year old when my Dad had his heart attack. My advice is some hot sweet tea, paper and crayons/ children's tv/ snacks whilst you wait to hear from the hospital!

fucksakefay Tue 21-Nov-17 02:47:30

If the babysitters can't sit ask them if they know of anyone. Network of people giving you ideas is better than you on you own trying to think. Here there is which cannsometimes provide emergency childcare - anything like that where you are? A local Facebook page for childminders?
And do do tell them why it's needed
Much love to you

YoureTheVoice Tue 21-Nov-17 03:30:42

Australian babysitter site is but if you are dirt road regional, it may not have many options.

Hope SIL is nice and close now. flowers

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