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I just need a human to talk to

(18 Posts)
IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 16:10:26

...sorry. blush

BulletFox Mon 20-Nov-17 16:12:55

Go right ahead. I vaguely meet the definition.

BulletFox Mon 20-Nov-17 16:23:44

Are you ok?

RollerCoasterProteinSpill Mon 20-Nov-17 16:27:25

What's the weather like? It's sunny but cold here.

IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 16:28:46

I'm soul-crushingly lonely. I'm dealing with things in my past. I'm actually pretty cheerful-appearing normally (not right now), quite philosphical about things in general, try to crack on but allow myself a cry when I need it, enjoy the small pleasures blah blah. I mean, I dont think I'm bad company because i'm mired in depression or something.
But I need people.
Without just ordinary little things like having a coffee and a natter (about normal stuff) I end up feeling so dreadful I really need someone to talk to. I feel like I've been forced into a position of neediness by a friend who've I've seen a lot of recently, for actually just needing some company this weekend, when the way it has been recently Id be seeing her anyway so she'd never know I needed to, iyswim. I feel like I've been really supportive to her, but somehow that's it, that's my role - I can't need anything in return. Looks like we've fallen out.
I feel so bad right now, I'm supposed to be getting on with things but it's so hard to keep living sometimes. Please note I am not actively suicidal, I have reasons to keep hanging on out of pure grit, but fuck. Here I am posting on an anonymous forum, all for the lack of people in real life to just... be... with. And it's all so ridiculous because all the mental stuff I struggle with is just a much lighter, gradually healing load just with friends around - a tiny difference, an arrangement not cancelled, and I'd not have ever needed to need help like i do now.
I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense.

BulletFox Mon 20-Nov-17 16:33:04

Who have you got around you at the moment? You can phone Samaritans if you need to, they're there to talk, not just if you feel suicidal.

Ok so sounds like your friend let you down and you're feeling isolated.

I come here to chat so you're not alone with that smile

RollerCoasterProteinSpill Mon 20-Nov-17 16:37:37

Bulletfox - good advice.

You could go out for a walk and say hello to everybody you pass? Works for me when these four walls are closing in.

TessoftheDoobieBrothers2 Mon 20-Nov-17 16:43:26

I know exactly what you mean about the little things making all the difference. Life can be so much harder when you're feeling isolated.

Would it help to talk about the things in your past with people on here? Not sure I can meet up for coffee unless you're in Yorkshire, but can offer support online. flowers

BarryTheKestrel Mon 20-Nov-17 16:47:23

If you need to talk OP feel free to PM me, I'm never far from my phone. If you're in Devon a cuppa is also welcome. I know lonely and struggling well. brew

goingbonkers123 Mon 20-Nov-17 16:57:42

Oh Op I do know how you feel. flowers

Is there anyone you can call for a catch up? Even a aunt or uncle you’ve not spoken to in a while? X

IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 16:59:03

I'll be seeing people a bit later, going to a class.

I don't know. It's so frustrating and upsetting, that for want of quite ordinary company, I end up needing more, iyswim. Take an ordinary day, with eg. a plan to see a friend in the evening. Day pootling along as per usual, all fine, dealing with the stuff in my mind but basically get on with things. But if for some reason I can't see that person, it sort of all comes crashing down (like that was my reason for getting through the day) and here I am dealing with dark thoughts and potentially calling the Samaritans.
I just wish I had the resources to balance my life and keep on healing (bloody slow progress!)
I'm trying to get out there and reconnect and hopefully make new friends too. But it's so hard because I need to be all chipper to do so, and also actually managing everything I need to get done so I have time to get out there, but all that's harder when Im feeling so shite and lose time like today because I can't concentrate/cope.

IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 17:01:05

... also, latest messages reveal myself and friend haven't fallen out, all is well there. So thats good.

But I just want to scream from the rooftops I AM NOT OK

... instead I have to just keep quietly trying to keep going.

Sorry for the self-indulgent waffle, just needed to get that out.

IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 17:05:57

ANd thank you blush

TessoftheDoobieBrothers2 Mon 20-Nov-17 17:06:07

Sounds like you're spinning plates OP, when one falls they all do. Also feel free to PM me if you need to talk to someone one to one.

It's ok to be not ok. Many of us have been there.

MistressDeeCee Mon 20-Nov-17 17:24:40

You'll get some good advice here OP.

It would be good if MN had a Friendship board. You aren't the only one posting re loneliness etc so it seems to me people could get together

IWroteThisSongForYou Mon 20-Nov-17 17:28:58

Spinning plates, yes that's it exactly. But I sort of don't realise I'm doing it until they all crash down. And then it's a reminder that I'm not ok really.
It's a shame so many people are lonely, we seem to have gone wromg somewhere as a society.

TessoftheDoobieBrothers2 Mon 20-Nov-17 17:49:35

A friendship board is a great idea.

Keep talking if it helps OP. A problem shared and all that... actually it really is true. Sometimes just talking to someone can lift enough weight from your shoulders to make you feel better.

goingbonkers123 Tue 21-Nov-17 08:45:07

Morning OP how are you today?

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