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How can we get out of this without looking like bastards?

(967 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:12:44

I've NC for this. This might be a bit long, sorry, wanted to give the full story!

Me and DH don't have children and never plan on having any. Neither of us particularly like children or want to spend time with any children.

SIL (DH's sister) has an 8 year old daughter- DN. SIL lives close to PIL so PIL are very very involved in SIL and DN's life.

DN is, shall we say, challenging. It's not her fault- SIL is all kinds of a shit parent and her dad (SIL no longer with him) is a waste of space.

Because of this PILs have spoilt DN rotten but, as a result, she's a complete nightmare- has to be the centre of attention, needs constant engagement, epic tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants, sulking if she's not the centre of attention. When we visited PILs once and DN was there, £5 went missing from my coat pocket- I'm sure it was DN (I don't see who else would take it).

Anyway, you get the picture...

PILs are coming to visit us in December and DN has, apparently, said that she'd like to come as well. PILs haven't outright asked but dropped hints a couple of times,. Yesterday, MIL said to DH "DN was talking about how she'd never been to your house or seen your dog [cue extra-ordinarily long pause]..."

I think PILs want to bring her because, well, she always gets what she wants.

Now, this is where I risk coming across like an absolute bastard. We just don't want her here, it's as simple as that. But how do we basically say that without explicitly saying "We don't want her to come here"?

Please be gentle with me, I know I'm U to not want her over to visit.

Wolfiefan Mon 20-Nov-17 13:14:19

Dog is scared of children?

YouCantArgueWithStupid Mon 20-Nov-17 13:16:51

I love kids and I don’t think YBU at all!

Dog doesn’t react well to kids

You’ve become nudists

Your home isn’t child friendly.

You’ve started to collect faberge eggs?

Rulerruler Mon 20-Nov-17 13:17:03

Booked 4 tickets to a show already? Would obviously have to follow through with this one!

CormoranStrike Mon 20-Nov-17 13:17:10

One visit from your niece? I would suck it up.

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:17:34

Wolfie Unfortunately we've been done some not-so-subtle boasting about how well our very nervous rescue dog has done to come out of her shell and actually really like children now.

scurryfunge Mon 20-Nov-17 13:18:00

Could you organise an adult suitable activity and emphasise how child unfriendly/ boring it will be.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 20-Nov-17 13:18:43

Won't it be lovely for you, MIL & FIL, to have some real adult time with just us.
We are looking for to it.
Long walks, trips to the pub, playing board games/cards....
Heading out to the museums, golf, blah blah blah....
Suggest anything that a child would not be interested in.

TheWorldIsMyCakePop Mon 20-Nov-17 13:18:53

How long is the visit? If it's an over nighter then absolutely say that the dog won't get on with a young child who needs so much attention. If it's a pop in job, can you arrange to meet at a garden centre that is dog friendly and after a quick coffee excuse yourself and the dog.

DH's family, his circus really....

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:19:02

YouCantGet grin The nudist line might be good, might stop PILs from coming at all. Or, it might go the opposite way and they might turn up bollock naked. Yikes.

WineGummyBear Mon 20-Nov-17 13:20:08

If you don't want to have her you aren't obliged.

You will appear inhospitable though, there's not really a way around that.

Plenty of people don't really enjoy the company of other people's children. It's up to you whether you want to make an effort to do it anyway and make the best of it.

InfiniteSheldon Mon 20-Nov-17 13:20:41

You know you are being unreasonable so perhaps take a deep breath and try to help this poor little girl? A Week with you every year might be the best thing ever for her.

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:21:07

It's a four night visit

Yep, totally DH's circus. I'm not dealing with it. I've made my position clear but thought I'd see if MN has some suggestions for how DH might deal with it grin

Thing is hellsbells we do all that boring stuff when they come. They know it's a few days adult time, games, drinking, pubs etc. I think they'd expect us to change all that and do child-friendly stuff.

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:21:50

Infinite shock There was no suggestion that it'd be every fucking year. That's most definitely not happening. shock

MrsMotherHen Mon 20-Nov-17 13:22:50

Its only one day I would grin and bare it. Although my house my rules would be enforced. grin

mustbemad17 Mon 20-Nov-17 13:23:48

Sod that. I'd be blunt. You don't want her in the house cos she's spoilt & you don't want the aggro!

I have a five year old btw so not a child hater 😂 Just have no time for the assumption that everyone else should bend over to a stroppy kid

DancesWithOtters Mon 20-Nov-17 13:24:00

Book a wine tasting, a no-under-18's restaurant, and a very lewd show.

Are you in London? I can recommend Book of Mormon if so.

If they ask you to change plans say you've paid a deposit.

AmySueGina Mon 20-Nov-17 13:25:04

MrsMother It's a five-day, four-night job, not just one day.

Must grin I've told DH that but he doesn't want to upset his parents.

VeganIan Mon 20-Nov-17 13:25:15

Won't she be at school?

TheSpottedZebra Mon 20-Nov-17 13:25:19

Are you mad? Have you forgotten what happened at the weekend in the park, when your dog really growled at a small child? You can't really trust dog with children any more. Maybe a walk together would be fine, but you certainly couldn't bring the child into the dogs house sad

BertrandRussell Mon 20-Nov-17 13:25:19

Blimey. What a great uncle and aunt you are......

LostwithSawyer Mon 20-Nov-17 13:26:15

Be blunt. 4 days with a child. No thanks.
Or if DH agrees to it oh no your needed in work. What a shame.

mustbemad17 Mon 20-Nov-17 13:26:44

In that case OP, book yourself four days away somewhere lush & let DH handle it 😏

stripedcardigan Mon 20-Nov-17 13:27:02

I'd go the cheerfully oblivious route I think.

"DN was talking about how she'd never been to your house or seen your dog [cue extra-ordinarily long pause]..."

"Oh that reminds me of something hilarious our dog just did!"


"We are so looking forward to a quiet visit with you!"

My mother always heads me off at the pass with Christmas and every year will delay, "DH and I are so looking forward to a quiet Christmas this year, just us" as if it is a special, new idea. They always spend Christmas on their own!! She just doesn't want to make an effort to visit/host. I don't mind, it just makes me laugh.

MrsJayy Mon 20-Nov-17 13:27:12

Won't she be at school December is busy with all the christmas run up she wouldn't want to miss it or is the visit in the holidays? Your husband could just act dumb to the hinting let it go over his head unless the come right out and ask then he really need to say no not for 4 days it is to long.

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