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Yes I know it's terrible but how I discourage my dd from this friendship

(54 Posts)
Snugglysnuggles Sun 19-Nov-17 18:44:04

Name changed in expectation of being flamed- basically dd in reception starting to form some friendships- one of which I've been warned by a family friend in the police that the child's parents are well known criminals basically.
I don't want my dd becoming best friends with this child I feel very sorry for the little girl but at the same time I don't want my dd ever at there house for play dates etc I've said why not play with so and so instead but that's not working so far

Notreallyarsed Sun 19-Nov-17 18:45:40

Can’t the wee girl just come to your house instead? That’s what I did when DS1 made friends with a wee boy, and my HV fairly bluntly said he’s a lovely boy but if they want to meet out of school do it at yours.

rcit Sun 19-Nov-17 18:45:50

Surely your dd will be OK playing with the child in school?
Just have no contact out of school if you don't trust them to look after your dd.
You cannot discourage two 4yos from playing with eachother ime, unless you create an almighty fracas which makes things even worse.

Snugglysnuggles Sun 19-Nov-17 18:46:25

Their house rather!

MorningCuppa Sun 19-Nov-17 18:46:59

That’s not nice, I understand you don’t want your dad going to there house etc but why can’t you dad play with the little girl at school? It’s not her fault her parents are criminals. Please don’t do this, how would you feel if someone was doing this to your child? I can’t help but feel sorry for the little girl, maybe she has a tough life already.

MorningCuppa Sun 19-Nov-17 18:47:29


Abouttoblow Sun 19-Nov-17 18:49:14

Might be worthwhile considering the child and her situation.
Having a friend in your DD and coming along to playdates at your home may make her life a bit better?

gamerchick Sun 19-Nov-17 18:50:24

You don’t have to let your kid go to anyone’s house. You’re not being very nice about a little bairn at all OP hmm

0ccamsRazor Sun 19-Nov-17 18:51:35

Poor little girl sad

ostracized due to the family she has been born into.

Ttbb Sun 19-Nov-17 18:52:44

I can understand your reservations but they're 4, not 14. The other child would hardly have learned enough bad things from her parents to be a bad influence. Just don't let your daughter around the other girl's parents.

Snugglysnuggles Sun 19-Nov-17 18:52:55

I feel genuinely sorry for the child and her older brother but I want my dd to make friends that she can experience play dates etc with maybe play dates at our home would be a good compromise

TheOriginalNNB Sun 19-Nov-17 18:53:56

At the risk of sounding very patronising, you will soon learn that you cannot influence or orchestrate your child’s friendships.

They will play who they want to play with and that’s that!

TheOriginalNNB Sun 19-Nov-17 18:55:54

Of course you don’t need to invite them round to yours. Or accept an invite there.

But there is no way you can stop your child being drawn to another.

GerrytheBerry Sun 19-Nov-17 18:56:25

My ds has made friends at school also in reception with the children of some quite rough around the edges families, it's the first time I've actually thought about it tbh, the parents are always friendly with me and if my lad has made a friend or two no way would I try to step in his way.
If the time comes he's invited to their house I will make a decision at the time.
I think you are being unreasonable yes.

gamerchick Sun 19-Nov-17 18:56:55

Yeah well life doesn’t work like that and this play date bollocks isn’t mandatory. You have no right to ostracize a little girl because of her family. Hopefully your daughter is a bit kinder.

I can just see you arranging her birthday party now sad

ThePinkPanter Sun 19-Nov-17 18:57:09

If you're expecting to be flamed then you obviously know yourself that you're being horribly mean to a wee child.

Abouttoblow Sun 19-Nov-17 18:58:10

When I was in primary school, my brother in secondary, we lived in a rural location and a serious crime was carried out by a local man. His son was the same age as my brother although they weren't friends. My parents told my brother to ask him at school if he wanted to come for dinner on the Friday and check with his mum if it was OK.
My parents view was if his dad was in jail things would be difficult at home.
He came for dinner almost every Friday for the next 4 years and still visits my parents now, 40 years later.
My brother and I turned out just fine.

CauliflowerSqueeze Sun 19-Nov-17 19:01:35

About that’s such a lovely story.

Notreallyarsed Sun 19-Nov-17 19:02:31

@Abouttoblow I wish more people were like your parents. They sound lovely!

mummyfeo Sun 19-Nov-17 19:05:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bluntness100 Sun 19-Nov-17 19:12:04

What’s worse..,to be a criminal or an adult who tries to ostracise a small child because of negative judgement of their family.

The parents could be great parents irrelevant of their other activities. They could shield their child.

You on the other hand are trying to use your child to help you in your ostrasication of a small child.

I’d happily let my child go to their house, I’d be less happy about them going to yours.

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 19-Nov-17 19:16:09

At four the influence from the other child is likely to be non existent as they won't understand their parents behaviour and activities. Just keep encouraging her to play with others as well as this little girl and see how it goes. Chances are as she gets older she'll make different friends anyway.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 19-Nov-17 19:18:15

Its not the child's fault, op.
With the best will in the world.
You can't stop 2 children playing together. However that doesn't mean you have to become life long friends with her family.

f83mx Sun 19-Nov-17 19:20:47

OP - plenty of people don't do that much socialising outside school hours with school friends, and if you've got an issue with them then try and keep it to your house - but honestly this kid sounds like she might not have the best home life, so please don't try and make it horrid for her at school as well.

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Nov-17 19:22:28

I don't know about mean but you are incredibly naive if you think you can manipulate a 5 year old into who they want to play with! If she is drawn to this child then let them have their friendship at school she will have other friends and chances are she'll move onto a different friend at some point.

Friendships are all pretty fluid at this age.

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