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Help me deal with this woman at the school gate please

(21 Posts)
Loulou0 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:33:17

So basically there is this woman who is bothering me and I don't know how to get her to leave me alone without causing offence.

I was briefly involved in an activity that she organises in our village, I finished and moved on. I now see her at the school gate and to begin with we exchanged a few polite hello's and that's that. I have no interest in becoming friends with her so have never gone out of my way to speak to her, but if we catch each other's eye, i say hi.

So , for the last few weeks she has been coming over to me, commenting on my appearance, taking the piss a bit and saying sarcastic things "oh don't you say hello any more?"

So far she's commented on how I'm wearing make up/not wearing make up, rushing/dawdling, looking happy/looking fed up etc etc all in a sarcy, smug way. I've tried just smiling and walking away but when I did that she said really loudly: "oh she's got one on her!"

I know I should just ignore but she's bothering me and I just want her to leave me alone!

Any ideas on how I could respond?

Loulou0 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:34:11

Sorry for paragraph fail, don't know why they didn't post.

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sun 19-Nov-17 18:35:46

Headphones are a necessity!! Smile and carry on singing whenever she tries to catch your attention!!

Plentyoffishnets Sun 19-Nov-17 18:35:52

I am terrible at confrontation but I think I would ask her to leave me alone and if that did not stop things would be asking her why she is being like that towards you

Flicketyflack Sun 19-Nov-17 18:37:26

Say hello and engage in social niceties (the weather, news etc) & no more! Just be polite & don't respond to the goading and she will get the message.

Deflect the conversation & talk about her or ask about her child because people generally like to talk about themselves 😉

Loulou0 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:38:47

flickety that's a good idea but I don't want to talk to her at all now! She makes me really uncomfortable

Pagwatch Sun 19-Nov-17 18:39:20

I think you might have to bite the bulletin.
Don't engage with her and if she walks towards you walk away.

If she forces a discussion you can try 'it's apparent we don't really like each other - you clearly don't like me because you are constantly sarcastic - so can we just be grown ups and work around each other. It's much more sensible and civilised'

It's hard but if you are incredibly reasonable it's hard to argue against

Namechangetempissue Sun 19-Nov-17 18:39:52

She sounds a nightmare! I presume you do the last minute dash in/dash out? Talk or pretend to talk on the phone? Do you all have to stand together or can you stand as far away as possible from her?
I'm no shrinking violet and would usually tell someone to go away politely but I do get you have to spend time in her vicinity for a good while at school events, pick ups etc and she sounds the type to make a big song and dance about it.

Loulou0 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:42:24

namechange exactly, she is the kind to make a fuss which makes it harder to confront her. The old me would have told her to fuck right off ages ago but our kids are in the same year and we have mutual friends etc, it's a small village so can't really..

Namechangetempissue Sun 19-Nov-17 18:48:10

I live in a similar village. Luckily we don't really have any awful parents or bitching and it all runs along smoothly. I'm not interested in making life long mates on the school run either. I make small talk if necessary and always say hi and smile, but I'm the get in and out in the least possible time type -I'm there to pick up my child and that's it.
I have my own business and I'm often conveniently on the phone so I can smile and avoid long conversation. Headphones are a great idea.

HelenUrth Sun 19-Nov-17 18:49:09

"I'm not understanding your point?" with raised eyebrow.
"Why do you say that?" with curious smile/half smile.
"What makes you think that?" with head tilted.

Upon hearing response, "Oh, no, that's not the case at all!" with tinkly laugh.
Then "Please excuse me, I have to rush, lovely to see you" with big wide smile.

Rinse and repeat.

Swizzlesticks23 Sun 19-Nov-17 18:51:45

I would just say what a strange thing to say confused every time she makes me observation and walk off.

Namechangetempissue Sun 19-Nov-17 18:54:58

Bet she is one of those 'ooo look at me, I'm hilarious and sassy' types dickheads
The ones who pride themselves on being the loudest and most outspoken and the ones who always elbow their way to the front of every performance and assembly and monopolise the teacher.

willyougotobed Sun 19-Nov-17 18:55:08

I must be really thick but why can't you just speak to her? She's not asking to move in with you. How are you? Fine thank you. And you? Great. Lovely weather.

That's all really.

widowtocricket Sun 19-Nov-17 18:55:19

HelenUrth is right. I have screen shot her answers as these could be very handy in my life.
From the things that lady has said to you it is obvious she is going to be a real pain if you were to engage with her.

I would use the above phrases & dash off until she hopefully leaves you alone.

MadeleineMaxwellPeterson Sun 19-Nov-17 18:57:22

So far she's commented on how I'm wearing make up/not wearing make up, rushing/dawdling, looking happy/looking fed up

So comments like: "Oh I see you're wearing a full face this morning", you mean?

Well, if it's too difficult to tell her to f off because of your children & small village thing, then I think I'd respond with a question back at her every time to put her on the spot a bit, but with a big smile and slightly bemused facial expression.

"Yes I am wearing make up. What an odd thing to point out! Why?"
"No, I'm not unhappy. What makes you think that?"
"No, I'm not dawdling. What gives you that impression?"

CauliflowerSqueeze Sun 19-Nov-17 18:57:59

I would immediately get my phone out and make a phone call when I saw her. Anyone. Then just wave and turn away, deep in conversation.

Loulou0 Sun 19-Nov-17 19:06:27

Thank you! These are perfect.

Ttbb Sun 19-Nov-17 19:10:00

Right, so I don't actually understand what she's been saying to you but it seems like if rude(?). In your position I would just smile and nod. Maybe bring your phone with you and give someone a call as you are approaching the school gate so she doesn't come to talk to you.

Madonnasmum Sun 19-Nov-17 19:45:26

Actually you don't sound very nice either. I feel a bit sorry for this woman if you've never been able to sum up a couple of polite words to her in the past.
The poor woman is about to have a few smart answers thrown at her (that you've had to ask strangers for) tomorrow morning.
You sound very unpleasant.

RosaTheOwl Sun 19-Nov-17 19:47:28

Madonna, you might need to read the OP!!

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