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I can stop bothering with gifts after this, right?

(14 Posts)
TheQueenOfWands Sat 18-Nov-17 10:09:40

Every birthday a Christmas I make a mahoosive amount of efforts buying the in-laws nice presents that they'll both like and use.

I'll buy them a selection of gifts and wrap them and present them nicely.

I had a birthday this week. They sent me some chocolate buttons. I'm vegan.

LookImAHooman Sat 18-Nov-17 10:12:39

Yes. Yes, you can.

rosybell Sat 18-Nov-17 10:12:39

Yessmile I think simple gifts are the way forward, after similar experiences of terrible and thoughtless gifts from the in laws. This year I am giving a charity present - as in I have donated to charity on their behalf- and will probably give it with a box of chocs.

DryHeave Sat 18-Nov-17 10:12:58

Why are so many people buying presents for their in-laws? Isn’t that up to your partner?

MinervaSaidThar Sat 18-Nov-17 10:19:11

Yes, either stop buying presents, or buy them a box of Maltesers. They're £1 in B&M!

Or maybe buy them stuff they can't eat or use.

AwkwardSquad Sat 18-Nov-17 10:36:12

Yes. Definitely time to stop. If your partner is bothered, he/she can deal with gifts for his/her family. You have more than done your bit!

EdmundCleverClogs Sat 18-Nov-17 10:36:16

Ouch, that’s really unthoughtful. Do you get them gifts just from you or is it both/on behalf of your husband? If the former, just get them something generic this year, otherwise leave it completely up to your husband.

First year I lived with my partner, I went to a big effort for his mum. I felt bad he barely did much for Christmas. She bought me a bag of seeds in return - fine, she didn’t really know me (and my almost supernatural abilities in killing plants). Following year, got her something she specifically asked for, asked for something cheap-but-needed in return (honestly, it was £5). She gave me a load of washing up stuff and pegs. Last year it was a miniature pink screwdriver - wouldn’t have been so awful if I hadn’t already said I was buying partner a new tool kit, I guess now I can build my own set. She’s not that bad a person, but she doesn’t half piss me off at Christmas, really wish she wouldn’t bother at all. I’m completely leaving it to my partner this year.

ememem84 Sat 18-Nov-17 10:40:07

Mil forgot my birthday this year. I’m not bothered to be honest as we haven’t been on good terms for ages. Dh is upset though. He questioned it and mil said “well we’ve got ds (her grandson who was born a week before my birthday) now so it doesn’t matter”

Dh was super angry at that comment. Luckily mil lives 12500 miles away. So I don’t have to deal with her often.

Dh deals with their presents. I don’t get involved.

Love51 Sat 18-Nov-17 10:40:39

Edmund have you acknowledged to your partner that he was right all along?
The in-laws are a foreign country, they do things differently there!
Not sure why people expect other people's family to do Christmas the same as theirs! Although grew up religious so was very aware ours was different to most.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 18-Nov-17 10:42:19

Absolutely no more presents for them.

But why were you doing that in the first place? It's a bit odd. Doesn't DH buy his mum's birthday present?

I wonder if this is like my friend. His family aren't into presents so he doesn't buy them for birthdays etc, chocolate buttons would be as far as it would go. His gf decided he was appalling, tried to get him into present buying (passive aggressively), he didn't, so she bought masses of presents for them last Christmas. Oh she was excited, she also had a little moan about how useless he is. Anyway, in-laws got her and him practically nothing. Like he knew they would. Like they expected from him too because that's how their family works.

She was super pissed off but it was pure controlling martyr deciding how other adults should live their lives and when they don't, she will "do it herself because if I don't no-one will" then getting pissed off when "no-one appreciates me".

StaplesCorner Sat 18-Nov-17 10:43:44

Did you read the thread about the lady whose inlaws clubbed together to get her a "special" gift for her 40th, in a big bag? Inside was a small bar of Green and Blacks chocolate. When she asked how they could possibly have got together to buy it for her, her husband said she should be grateful as it was her favourite. Then he ate it.

EdmundCleverClogs Sat 18-Nov-17 10:51:32

Edmund have you acknowledged to your partner that he was right all along?

Oh yes, he gets to live with the smugness that he was right and I was wrong (for once grin). Considering she always buys him and our child lovely, thoughtful gifts I do sometimes wonder if it’s some sort of odd power play. However, my partner is in no way a ‘mummy’s boy’, so I’m not quite sure what the point is.

joyce45 Sat 18-Nov-17 10:55:19

Lol! that's kids for you smile hopefully you'll get something you want for Christmas instead. I just got bought something from here and it made be really happy smile - where is the best place to get vegan chocolate? I had some stuff that was made locally the other day it was so nice you couldn't tell it was vegan.

IHateYourCarpet Sat 18-Nov-17 11:15:56

At least they remembered grin

Mine thought my birthday was in January for two years, never a card, a birthday text or anything. The last four years they've 'forgotten' ... despite posting my birthday card on my husband's grandads behalf as he couldn't get out of the house. DH refuses to engage with them about it, but then again, he also refuses to do his own shopping. So I'm not bothering anymore grin no presents for anyone!

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