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Proposing to your DP

(14 Posts)
CarlHickbread Fri 17-Nov-17 21:09:38

I love my DP dearly, we have discussed marriage and it’s something we both want, we also have DCS so we are committed and in this for the long haul.

I have been debating proposing over Christmas but a voice in my head keeps telling me that he should proposer and I will spend the rest of my years thinking that this isn’t what he wants unless HE is the one to propose.

I know this is old fashioned but I can’t help feeling this way. Has anyone else been in a similar position? What did you do?

gingerbreadmam Fri 17-Nov-17 21:18:42

I get what you mean. I'd like to be proposed to so I guess I could / should propose but I would also worry he just said yes because he couldn't really say anything else.

I don't think my dp would like it either.

KarmaStar Fri 17-Nov-17 21:22:31

I'm romantic and I felt like you so I waited,a close family member was the same,together for ten years but she refused as she felt she'd always be wondering......of course it's equality all the way but this is such an individual,personal thing that you should listen to your heart.
Perhaps he will surprise you on Christmas morning!💍🎄
I hope so,let us know!😊💜

CarlHickbread Fri 17-Nov-17 21:23:44

I feel exactly the same gingerbread.

I feel like I should take matters into my own hands but on the other hand. I shouldn’t as it isn’t really want we both want (as in me proposing)

CarlHickbread Fri 17-Nov-17 21:26:29

Karma

I will fall off my chair if he proposes at Christmas, he’s very practical whereas I am a fantasist. He would like a new house, new job THEN a wedding whereas I want a lovely wedding before all that.

EgremontRusset Fri 17-Nov-17 21:27:59

I told mine I was going to propose on x date, so that if he wanted/needed, he had a while to either get there first or let me know he would rather stay my DP than DH.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 17-Nov-17 21:28:04

If you feel that way why don't you say to him (in a jokey way) - that you would love a romantic Christmas proposal for Christmas - does he feel like a shopping trip.

At least you will have that traditional proposal (absolutely nothing wrong with you proposing but you seem to want him to)

You have children together.. This shouldn't be a big deal for him

ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 Fri 17-Nov-17 21:29:18

I proposed to my now DH... so it went well grin

I had reservations about how he’d take it, if he’d feel he’d lose a little of his “masculinity”. I discussed it briefly with his parents who loved the idea.

He was thrilled, he cried, like a baby grin and immediately started calling friends and family. It was a lovely lovely moment that I’ll never forget. Although there is a little part of me that wants to know what it’s like to be proposed to...

SnackSnackEatAndCrave Fri 17-Nov-17 21:31:38

I'm what my DM describes as a "5 star feminist", but even I want to be proposed to. It's the last bit of gender stereotyping I adhere to.
But it's for exactly the same reason as you, OP, I have this nagging doubt that if he wanted it, he'd ask, so maybe he doesn't want to marry me after all!
I wonder if men are secretly worried we're not on board with the idea when they're planning a proposal? And they just do it anyway? And maybe we should be that brave?

TieGrr Fri 17-Nov-17 21:32:36

I'd love DP to propose as well but if he takes much longer, I'll probably end up blurting out a proposal myself some evening. What's stopping me from doing it now is the fear that I would be putting pressure on him. He knows I would like to marry him and we've talked a fair bit about weddings so I want an engagement to be something he has decided.

Chasingsquirrels Fri 17-Nov-17 21:36:32

I spent getting on for a year saying no when he brought it up, and prior to that had always said I wouldn't get married again.
He stopped asking.

I realised actually I did want to marry him.

Christmas Day 2015 - driving home from spending the day with his family I asked him how drunk he was and if we could talk about something, can't remember his exact reply but I said I'd leave it till the morning.
Boxing Day 2015 - we woke up and he asked what I'd wanted to talk about (I thought he'd not remember). I said I wondered if he still wanted to get married. He couldn't have said yes any quick or have looked any happier.

Biscuits101 Fri 17-Nov-17 21:39:39

What did he do Egremont?

BitOfFun Fri 17-Nov-17 21:53:24

If you have already built a life together and have children, surely it would simply be practical to say something like "We've talked about this before, I know, but shall we make 2018 the year we follow through with our plan to get married? I think it's important now we have children."

A romantic proposal it is not, but that ship has sailed really. Neither of you has to do the "Pick Me" dance now you have actually settled down together. A discussion between two adults planning a sensible and secure future together for their family is all that is needed.

Triangularsquare Fri 17-Nov-17 22:14:17

I've sorted of debated this too though our situation is a bit different. I've always been quite vocally anti-getting married and he's quietly acquiesced though he always said he wanted to at some point. Then we had a baby and I changed my mind. I now think we should for all the boring legal reasons. We've talked about it and agreed we should but now totally swapped positions and I want to do it ASAP and he's up for waiting a few years. I've been tempted to do a "proposal" and get the ball moving but a bit of me feels I'm forcing him. But the side I'm coming down on is this: if it was him doing the proposing, would he feel he was forcing you? No. Course not. Cos men decide they wanna get married, then they ask the question. They assume if we don't want to we'll say no. Shouldn't we do the same? I would hope the person I'm throwing my lot in for the rest of my life has enough of a backbone to say no (or at least not yet) to such a big life decision if it doesn't sit right with him

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